The Bump

When I was pregnant with Bailey I NEVER took pictures of my belly (on purpose) unless it was a baby shower or someone was taking pictures at an event and I just happened to be in one.  This is not actually 100% true.  I did let Zach take THREE pictures of my growing belly in the same spot 3 months in a row but those pictures are SACRED, hidden, not shown to people.  I had clothes on and everything I just hated the way they looked.  But, this time is a little different.  I know I started out weighing more this time but this time I am just SO thankful that this baby is ok and I realize that people who know me IRL (that means in real life, mom) :)  already know what I look like anyway so I might as well show it off.  So, without further ado, here it is in all it's glory!  The (almost) 14 week belly.

I'm laughing at myself a little b/c I have been SO stressed that the baby is ok and I know when my sister sees this picture she's going to say: "WHY? No baby that's not growing is gonna make you look that pregnant!"  I can hear her voice in my head!  "Melody, you are crazy!"  HAHA!  Also, the husband claims that I only look this big b/c I always wear maternity clothes. Well, that's not true b/c this is just a regular tee shirt that I bought last spring.  I'm proud of my little baby belly.  Even though it's not very little!

Thankful

Today I have been thinking about how thankful I am!  We are POOR.  I'm talking like literally Bailey has more money in her piggy bank than we have to our name!  It's not always like this (I mean, it's always tight, just not this tight).  This kind of tight happens this time of year after the summer when we've gone a few months without a paycheck.  I am a CONSTANT worrier.  I fret over things just like my dad.  If there ever were a fretting contest, I would win!  Hands down!  But, last night as we were driving back from my in-laws and I noticed that the "door ajar" light came on in the car I had this instant panicking thought... What if Bailey's door flew open and she went flying out of the car?  I know that's a bit crazy considering she was in her seatbelt but stranger things have happened.  At that moment I realized how thankful I am to have a beautiful, healthy little girl!  Money is not everything and if for some reason things got completely horrible for us, we have family who would be there!  It's not like I'd be living under a bridge.  And, now, I am also so thankful for my beautiful 2nd baby who I know is safe and growing inside me.  There are just so many things that are more important than money.  I do understand you can't survive without it.  I mean, we have to eat.  But, I can't worry about it all the time.  I have 2 children to take care of.  And for that, I couldn't be happier!  And, here is a picture of my beautiful girl!  Panties only, of course, haha.

Introducing...

2.0 (or so that's what daddy says).

Baby is a little over 2 inches

I know ultrasound images look like aliens but on the right is it's face, eyes, mouth, nose.  The left are little feet and this kid was going nuts this morning!  Maybe that's why I couldn't stop throwing up!

:)

Doctor says everything looks GREAT!  I've only gained about 1.5 pounds (even though I look like I have gained 20).  All of my labs came back great and she said that she expects baby to be born at term :)

New year and flutters

School started yesterday, it's really not been bad so far.  I mean, how bad can it be in 2 days, haha.  Yesterday, I had a total of 175 students!  The most I've ever had is 147 but each teacher was given a homeroom class this year so that adds to my class load.  Luckily, homeroom is not a structured class.  Basically the kids are supposed to read or do homework for 30 minutes.  We are also on a new school schedule this year.  We went from starting at 7:45 to starting at 8:55.  This means that we don't go to lunch until ALMOST 1:00!  You do know that I'm pregnant, right?  1:00 is a LONG time.  So, I have to eat a morning snack and today, I had 2 snacks!  I bought some fiber bars because I thought they might keep me full longer.  I've also been "sneaking" powerade from the fountain in the cafeteria.  My only real complaint is that my back is KILLING me.  So there have been a few times I've pulled my chair to the front of my room and given instructions from there.  I also have a nasty cold right now so that's not helping.

In other news, I go to my next U/S on Friday.  I'm excited but mostly nervous.  I pray CONSTANTLY for this baby and I'm pretty sure I've been feeling it flutter around.  It's not often but does happen a lot if I drink Caffeine.  I read online that some people feel this as early as 11 weeks and I am almost 13 weeks so I do think that's what it is. It makes me happy to be able to feel it because I feel like it's ok.  After this ultrasound I am definitely going to have to come to terms with the fact that I am pregnant.  Not that I'm not thrilled it's just that I've only ever known having ONE child.  It seems impossible to wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to have TWO!  I'm overjoyed and feel truly blessed to be having another baby.  I will just be happy to not worry anymore!  The sickness has all but subsided and the exhaustion seems to be gone as well.  Sometimes I still have heartburn but other than that I feel pretty good.

blogging lately

I don't blog much anymore.  I kind of don't see the point  now that I am on facebook all the time and all of Bailey's pictures are on there.  But, lately I haven't blogged b/c the only thing to blog about is the new baby and I am SO fearful for NO reason that something is going to or already has happened to the baby.  I'm afraid to even talk about it much.  I SO want this baby!  I know God blessed us with this baby and in my heart I really feel like I will be bringing home a baby near the end of February that is alive and healthy.  I have just really started to stress often about the well-being of this baby and it makes me SO sad becuase I can't bond with it and I even try to avoid most things baby.  That is so horrible.  At 8 weeks, the baby looked AWESOME with a great heartbeat and measuring right on time. I have NO bleeding and no cramping and I even feel some fluttering sometimes.  But, I'm only almost 12 weeks so I disregard that also.  I feel so robbed of enjoying this pregnancy b/c I was told to terminate at only 7 weeks.  I am getting HUGE and my regular clothes don't fit so I have NO reason to believe differently about the baby being fine.  I have another ultrasound on the 26th and until then, I pray for peace.

Make room for baby

So, I basically feel miserable most of the day.  I'm SO glad I've been off for summer break during the first part of this pregnancy.  But, we go back in less than 2 weeks and the husband has really been wanting to get the baby's room cleaned out before we go back.  It was quite the task that involved cleaning out the guest room closet (which is nice and big) in order to put the things from our office that need to be kept into the guest room closet.  Then, we had to move the office desk from the office (now nursery number 2) to the guest room.  Everything fits nicely and little one finally has his/her own space.  I'm SO glad we have this house.  When Bailey was born, we lived in a 3 bedroom and our guest room/office was only big enough for a twin bed and computer desk. Our new house guest room has a queen bed, large TV, and now, the computer desk. Baby's room only has a crib and my grandma's old rocking chair.  We noticed last night that the crib is broken :(  So, we have to get a new one.  Anyway, things are coming along and I just pray this baby is born healthy in about 28-29 weeks!

Can't keep a secret

On Tuesday, June 28th I found out FOR SURE that I was pregnant.  A week earlier, I had taken a test that did turn up positive but I HONESTLY thought (and it really may have been) it was an evap line.  But, on June 28th, I took a dollar tree test and it was positive almost immediately.  It did look kind of funny so I told Zach I would just go get another one just to be sure.  I went to the store and bought the GOOD ones.  If I was pregnant I wanted to be sure, and at this point, my period was  a week late so if I was pregnant it was going to show up and if not, it was time to start progesterone again to get it started. 
It was about 7PM when I got back from the store (which is literally about 2 blocks from our house).  I had JUST taken a test before I left for the store so I didn't think I would even have enough to take the test. (I don't know why I'm typing all of this except to just make sure I remember).  Anyway, I decided to use a cup and dip it.  I sat in shock as the first pink line showed up and then the other.  VERY dark and very fast.  I cried for a minute and then I walked out to the living room and showed my husband (who was ridiculously calm as I was pacing the house). 

Then, you know about all the scary stuff that happened after, I started bleeding, doctor told us the pregnancy wasn't viable, ER told us baby had an elongated sac instead of round, and then last Friday we were FINALLY shown our beautiful baby with it's perfect little heartbeat.  But... before all of this drama started we wanted to tell my parents.
My family lives in Arkansas and when I found out I was pregnant with Bailey, we told them over the phone.  I REALLY didn't want to do that again.  We knew they were coming on Friday night to watch a fireworks show with us so I vowed not to tell them until they got here.  I am HORRIBLE at keeping secrets and this was HORRIBLY hard.  In fact, I avoided talking to my mom almost all week!  She later told me that she kept wondering why I hadn't called her.  Bailey has been taking dance this summer and every Wednesday night we would call my mom to tell her about it.  When they FINALLY arrived on Friday night I could hardly wait to tell them.  I made Bailey a big sister tee shirt and took her upstairs.  I don't know how he did it, but Zach told them to all come to the living room b/c Bailey wanted to jump out and scare them and that she was upstairs.  So, after what felt like eternity (maybe 2 mintues) they came to the living room and Zach texted me to bring Bailey downstairs.  She walked down in her shirt and the look on my mom and sister's faces were PRICELESS!  They both started crying and so did I!  It was one of the most special moments and I will definitely remember it forever!

Baby Estes

*This post was created on Friday.  I FINALLY figured out what was wrong with my blog and now I can finally blog again (AND comment)* :)

I have been trying AND trying to post a blog for several days with no luck. But, that post will just have to be trashed anyway because... After the 3 scariest, most stressful, terrifying weeks of my life... Our baby is JUST fine! We FINALLY got to see the OB today. I was supposed to go on Monday but she cancelled 20 minutes before the appointment and they couldn't get us back in until today. Little Estes had a heart rate of 183 and measured 9 weeks (Sunday). I am BEYOND grateful to be almost out of the first trimester and past all the scary stuff! Apparently I ovulated late and HONESTLY, we just got lucky conceiving this baby! I know that's not true either. I know this baby was given to us by God and I'm beyond thankful! I FINALLY can rest easy and stop stressing. The ultrasound pictures are not that great. My doctor doesn't have nearly as good a machine as my old doctor but we got to hear the little heart and I had many tears.