Friday, January 29, 2010

Bedtime Story

Last night, Bailey was so tired from no nap. So, I gave her some milk and then I called my mom to ask her something. After Bailey talked to memaw, papa, and both of her aunts, we got off the phone and lay down. She had finished her milk and wanted more (it's habit, she wants milk for bed even if she's just had some). Instead (because more than anything I want to break this habit) I said, why don't you let mommy tell you a story. So I made up a story about "Princess Bailey" and 3 friends... I will not bore you with it. Though, I do want to write it down so that I don't forget it. My little princess fell fast asleep in my arms after I finished and after she asked to hear it again. half-way through the 2nd telling of "Princess Bailey" she fell asleep. It was so sweet. There are some moments as a mother that are just so much more special than others.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I never read my bible.

It's true. I never read my bible. Wow, I bet all of you think I'm SO super brave to be telling all 7 of you who read my blog this, huh? I have no excuses, this is not some "please tell me it's OK" type of post either. I don't read my bible, I know I should, I don't. In fact, I've been feeling quite convicted about this the last several days.

Here is the current scenario of my life. My stomach hurts. I enjoy almost NOTHING about my life. I live in a CONSTANT state of worry. I'm miserable (not a secret from previous posts). I feel very alone. My job which I once loved, is not fulfilling. It's rewarding, yes! But, I feel that I do so much more than what I'm paid.

Probably the most irrational thing is: I am afraid to give my worries to God. Yes, Afraid. If I surrender my thoughts, worries, and fears what will my life become? What will I worry about? It sounds nuts but it's common (I am sure). I have always had this sense that if I don't worry about things then they will become really bad. If I didn't worry about my unborn baby, she probably would have died. If I didn't worry about my house payment, we probably won't be able to pay it, if I didn't worry about what to cook for dinner then it would probably burn the house down. I'm irrational. I know I am! But I always think about being little and afraid of the dark. Even though mommy and daddy have checked your closet and under your bed and everything looks perfectly normal with the lights on, something about having them off is frightening. It's irrational. Even though you KNOW nothing is going to get you, you still worry about it!

My biggest worry is money (wow, that's a news flash, huh?). I spend a lot of my free time going over numbers, trying to figure out exactly how many pennies we will have left over after our bills are paid. Even when I can see that there is money left over, and I convince myself to feel better, after an hour or so I'm all worked up and stressed again, thinking things such as... there's not enough left-over for an emergency, there's not enough left over to buy ANYTHING extra, there's not enough to put in savings, there's not enough to go out to lunch once a week, there's not enough for gas, there's not enough for groceries, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Part of my problem is that I feel like we don't spend our money the way we should so I feel like God won't take care of us because we don't do everything we should with our money. I must say, we are not destitute! We live in a wonderful, beautiful home, We always have groceries, and we have never not been able to pay our bills, however, I continue to worry that that time will come! It goes back to that, if I don't worry about our finances then it really will get that bad.

But, I cannot continue to live like this.
So, I'm going to start reading my bible. No, I don't think that reading my bible will make money fall out of the sky. But, I feel like there are so many things God has blessed me with and I don't ever give him the time I should. I make a lot of time each day for Facebook. A LOT! I have plenty of time each day to write a blog if I want. I have time each day to watch television but I never seem to have "time" to read my bible and spend time with God. So, instead of some ridiculous new year's resolution to lose 100 pounds, I have resolved (not just for the new year) to try to read my bible every day, to learn more about God, to be at peace with my life, to listen when he speaks, and to live my life how he wants and most importantly, I want to stop worrying about everything. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I can tell you how to lose 10 pounds fast (and do it myself) but this, this is going to be hard. So, pray for me and stay tuned for updates on my "spiritual change."

Monday, January 18, 2010


Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Two's Thus Far...

Here are some pictures of Bailey on her actual birthday (Jan. 6). I took off that day and stayed home with her. Then, we had a baby shower for a teacher at work. Bailey went with me and had a LOT of fun! My teacher's aide (paraprofessional) took these next few pictures. I can't believe how big my baby is getting! She looks more like a 4 yr old!

If you want to see the rest of the pictures from her birthday party (which I know you are just dying to see after all, she is the most adorable 2 year old on the planet) you will have to click on my facebook tag at the top of my blog. I don't want to overload you with photos :).
My big girl went potty in the big girl potty last night. In fact, our downstairs closet has a "secret room" at least that's what I call it. It hides under the stairs. Bailey like to play in there because she can take her Kai Lan night light and her princess flashlight in there. Last night she said she needed to potty but I couldn't find her potty seat ANYWHERE. (I found it this morning in the "closet room"). So, I put her on the bathroom toilet for a few minutes and "poof," poop balls! Or so she called them. We had to call both memaw's and tell them. She said "Memaw, I get nem and nems" (her word for M & M's). I said, "Tell memaw why you got them." Bailey said, "Memaw, I put poop balls in the potty!" We made a HUGE deal out of it, and yes, I am NOT above bribery! I gave her M & M's for doing it! I'm very proud of my little girl! She seems to be getting bigger and smarter EVERY day! She can say ANYTHING we say. She also understands quite a bit and can almost spell her name. She LOVES to be read to and her newest favorite thing is "hot shoup." Her favorite cartoon is "Little Bear." Mother bear always makes hot soup for lunch and Bailey has decided that's all she wants to eat as well. So, no matter what I make, I have to tell her it is hot soup, haha.
In other news:
We made our first house payment. YEAH. Basically right now it left us with nothing but I think/hope after a couple more paychecks we can get caught up. I know that my husband doesn't like that I think we are dirt poor (and really I know we are not but I honestly feel that way). I didn't go to college so that I could get a job and work paycheck to paycheck. However, I have a nice home and am very happy with it. Maybe I could go on strike and ask for more money, haha. And since our horrible government likes to screw me at tax time, they are no help either. I really shouldn't let finances consume me, but I do. I worry, that's just who I am. I constantly worry about not having enough money! I hate it but I do! We worked hard to pay things off only for me to feel like we again, are poor.
The other day, my dad called and I guess he knew I had been really down. He said things to me that really made me feel better. He believes that God is going to do great things this year and I only pray that he is right.
One last thing, you HAVE to watch this video! I showed it to my students today. I usually watch AI but last night, I was on the phone with my mom so I only caught the very end but I'm pretty sure it was the best part! Enjoy :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


I so promise to post pictures of Bailey's birthday party and other ramblings soon! Sorry I'm so behind!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Dear Bailey,

2 years ago today, mommy and daddy welcomed you into our lives. It was the happiest day we ever had. You were so perfect and beautiful. Every day I am reminded what a miracle it is to have a baby and the responsibility of taking care of another human being. I had NO idea what being a mommy was really like until I had you in my arms and we brought you home. Having you has brought real purpose to my and daddy's lives. We love you more than you will ever know (or until you have your own little one some day LOOONG from now). Having you also made me feel closer to my own parents. I had no idea the love that could be put upon someone until you were born. I am so thankful for you and to God for letting me be your mommy. You have been a huge blessing!
Happy 2nd birthday Bailey! Mommy and daddy love you more than life!