Monday, April 25, 2011

Surgery and (in)Fertility

The two topics in the title are not related to each other :)

I have avoided posting this due to my irrational fears. But, sometimes it helps me to get it out, so that is what I will do here.
I took Bailey to the ENT doctor on Wednesday. I fully expected him to tell me that she needed a tonsillectomy. My tonsils were HUGE from birth and finally had to be removed when I was 13 due to chronic strep throat. Zach also had ear/throat problems and had his removed as a kid. Bailey's tonsils have also always been huge! I'm talking, like no room in the throat huge, just like her mama.

The doctor said Bailey has moderate hearing loss especially in her left ear due to fluid behind her ear drum. I thought there were drops or something that they could give her to clear that up. Apparently not. She is going to have to have surgery. Not only does she have to have tubes but the doctor is going to remove her tonsils and her adenoids. I understand that this is a common procedure that occurs thousands of times per day. I had it done and survived and so did the husband. But, I have serious reservations about this. I know this is COMPLETELY irrational but I am worried. What if she doesn't wake up? What if something goes wrong and I lose my little girl? I know, I know this is crazy talk! But, she's my only baby! (not that having more means you would want to lose one or that it would hurt less). I'm so scared! I know she will be fine! I am just SO protective of her. I also don't want her to suffer after it's over and to be miserable. I just keep praying everything will be fine. It's May 10 and the closer it gets, the more apprehensive I get!

Also, I took a month (or two, I can't really remember) off of my clomid. I called today to get a refill since I started spotting again this morning. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do, taking medicine I mean. I am going back and forth. I have to believe that God will bless us and not the medicine! But, I truely know that if we have another baby it will be because God wanted us to and not because I took a pill. I just feel like it at least helps to regulate my cycle and with it, that is something I can control. I just don't know if I should or not. I'm so frustrated.


Rachel said...

I'll be praying for Bailey. I'm sure she'll feel much better after the procedure.

As far as the clomid...I know that it's frustrating knowing what "God" wants you to do and what his plan is when it most certainly how you thought the plan is.

But, honestly if you feel comfortable taking a medication I would do it. If anything it made me feel proactive. And at least when on the meds you should ovulate which can most certainly help a "miracle" along :)

The Anglin Family said...

I'm so sorry you're scared. I remember how scared I was when Laiken had it done. I know it will go great but when you're the mama, its different. I'm sorry and big hugs.
I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. I see nothing wrong with taking it, if you want. Maybe you can get with your Dr and discuss options again and start over fresh. I again, am sorry you are even having to worry about this. Much love!!!

The Pifer's said...

Praying for y'all sweet friend!!!

Lots of love!