Blessings

We don't get paid until Sept. 10 and haven't had any paychecks since July 10. Yeah, I know! I sucks! Needless to say, things are VERY tight, more than tight! We won't be caught up for a while even after we get paid. Usually, one of us gets a paycheck on Aug 25th because school starts before Aug 15th. But, this year we didn't start until the 18th so no paychecks in August. Also, we usually get a stipend in August that equals almost a full paycheck for each of us. but, this year because there have been SO many budget cuts at the schools, we didn't get that either. I am STRESSED! The only good thing that has come from this is that I feel like we have really had to work together, we have BOTH had to be aware of our financial situation and we have had to rely on each other not to over spend. That's really hard for me (not over spending but not worrying about how much will be spent) I always worry about how much we have or don't have. But we have done ok. And, I'm thinking by the time we get our first October paycheck we should be all caught up and doing ok again. But, it's hard. Cooking almost every night and not being able to eat out when I'm tired, it's hard. Not being able to go do anything b/c everything costs money. It is NOT fun. But, yesterday I had a little blessing. I checked my mailbox when I got to school and there was an envelope in there. Inside I found a blank piece of paper and a wal-mart gift card for $50.00. I seriously almost cried. It was a huge blessing because I was able to get gas in one of the cars AND get some groceries that we needed. We are going to make it but I cannot wait until fall (and not just for the cooler weather!)

What do you dream about?

I have always had a tendancy to have odd, strange dreams. But, I think this one is about the strangest. I have several friends who have or will undergo IVF. I have not had IVF, however. Anyway, of all of my friends who have, only one has not gotten pregnant and the ones who have ALL have beautiful babies! (Mostly girls). Anyway, last night, I had a dream that one of my IVF friends, had her baby. But... it was not a baby, it was a turtle. Literally, a real turtle! NOT a human! She was SO thrilled to have finally had her baby that it was if she didn't even realize it was a turtle and not a human. I was completely freaked out! I kept thinking, how can she love that "baby" so much? It's not even a baby! I thought, it's a freaking turtle, let the hospital keep it as a pet. I thought she was absolutely crazy for even caring at all about the turtle.

I think I have too much baby on the brain and I hope I never birth a turtle, though I don't think that will EVER be possible!

However, even though no human will ever have an animal baby, when I woke up I had this overwhelming feeling that even if something would have been wrong with my baby, I still would have loved her no matter what. I know this is crazy, strange, weird, but I really felt like God was trying to show me something. That when he looks at us, he only sees the good, he only wants to help us and protect us NO MATTER WHAT WE LOOK LIKE! No matter how we act, he will ALWAYS love us unconditionally! As weird as my dream was, I really feel like it was a tool to teach me something. God loves all of his babies, even the "turtles."

The day AF showed up.

Would be today. I'm ok. Thanks for thinking of me. I really wanted an April baby. REALLY! But, I also really need to lose at least 40 pounds. As big as I am, that won't take long. Maybe if I start exercising we'll get our little bundle. I'm sad, but I took a "happy" pill today (I went off of them when I thought I could be pregnant) so I think that is helping me "cope" today.

Hugs to all of you and thank you for your prayers.

Tired

I am WORN OUT! I LOVE my job. I'm super excited to be back at school, back on a routine, back to having my baby run to me like she hasn't seen me for a week when I get home from school. TODAY, school started! Today, the flow should come, but she hasn't. Are we surprised? Everyone say it with me... NO! I'm always late, never early :). But really, I'm so happy right now. Happy to be on a schedule, happy that paychecks will soon be back in our lives, happy to meet my little girl every day when I get home (oh, I think I already said some of that). Anyway, what I really wanted to blog about...

last night, Zach worked late. When he got home I was talking to him and noticed that Bailey REALLY needed a diaper change. So, I just took it off right there while we were talking (she's been doing pretty good (ok, great actually for grandma) going potty in her potty) but, she does NOT do so great for me. Anyway, back to this drawn out story that should have only been one sentence. After I took her diaper off I continued talking to Zach about school and his day. Little did I know that Bailey would be running back to me a few minutes later, screaming, "Mommy, I pooped on the floor!"

Yeah, I'm that tired and that out of it. Even though the kids didn't come to school until today, we've been working all week. It was a teachable moment for mommy. Next time I will make sure to re-diaper her naked tush!

Day 28

Well, I'm on day 28. The flow should start tomorrow (but won't because it's NEVER on time). I'm having cramps so I am almost positive I'll get a BFN. But, I only have one test so I am going to wait until Tuesday to test. That way, hopefully if I'm not pg I will have started by then and if I am the test will show up correctly. That's all for now. Maybe a better update soon :)

The Fall, The Smack, The Birthday, and The MLA

Yesterday, DH offered to shampoo the carpets. I was more than happy to teach him how to use the carpet cleaner. He's a lot more thorough than I am. I speed clean our entire house EVERY day. Load/unload the dishwasher, do some laundry, cook a meal... you know, you are women too :). But, when Zach does something he does it really well. So I knew the carpets would look GREAT when he finished (and they do). But, while I was filling up the tank that holds the water and the cleaning liquid, I had to lay the handle on the floor for a second and some water leaked out onto Bailey's bathroom floor (that's where I was filling up the carpet cleaner). I didn't know water had leaked out so when I tried to stand up, I fell and look what I got...

I know, pretty huh? So, yes, it hurts and I hope it heals soon!

Then, this afternoon (after Bailey and I spent a lot of hours working in my classroom and are both tired) we came home and Bailey ran SMACK into the dining room table. You can't tell so much in this picture but she has a nice goose egg above her right eye. :( Really sad. She said "Mommy, I'm crying." Poor baby, I felt so bad! But, I'm GLAD it wasn't her eye!

Now, something happier. Yesterday was Dora the Explorer's birthday. Yes, really! I don't make this stuff up. They had a birthday movie on TV last night too. Zach decided that he and Bailey would make a birthday cake for Dora. SO CUTE! I love when he does stuff like this with her.

Lots of fun and very delicious! :)

And finally, THE MLA! For those of you who don't know, MLA is a type of formatting in writing. (I teach English so I care about this stuff, lol). Anyway, if you are SUPER curious about MLA, you can check out THIS website. We use MLA a lot at school because our students have to write a research paper and we teach them MLA in order for them to format it correctly. It has to do with spacing, how to citation page, and how to put headers and footers on your paper. well, the LOVELY people at MLA have now decided that instead of putting 2 spaces after a period in a sentence, you should only put one. I don't even know if I physically can do it. I am SO trained to put 2 spaces at the end of a sentence that I don't even think I can do it. I am honestly debating teaching my students the new way or continuing with the old way. Now, to some this doesn't seem like a big deal but think about it this way. When you use a comma, you space once, and then move on with your sentence. A comma is NOT an end of a sentence. A period IS the end. In my opinion, the visual is helpful to the students. It lets them see the difference between using a comma and using a period. Maybe it's just me but sometimes these "educational decisions" are made by people who haven't been in a classroom since they graduated. They make a lot more money than me to make my life harder. EERR!

hmmm

I don't have a lot to post but I figured I'd update just because. I'm extremely cranky today. I have some reasons. Number one, we could REALLY use a paycheck. I am feeling really stressed. When school starts, and we start getting paid again, we are going to be doing really well (as long as we are careful and don't spend just because we have it). But, right now, we've NEVER been in this type of financial prediciment before. I know we are going to be ok and by the time our next baby comes we will be fine.
Let's see, what else? I prayed A LOT that we would get a positive pg test this month. I'm still hopeful and don't want to doubt all of my prayers but I really don't feel any symptoms. I've been struggling with a bad headache since yesterday. I get this headache about once a month and I'm really scared that it's something more than just a headache. I noticed today that I've had some nerve issues. My hand has been shaking a lot and I almost constantly feel like I'm going to pass out. We took my blood pressure and it's fine. So, I don't know what else is wrong but I know there is something wrong. You know how you just have that feeling? Bailey is the love my life but she has really been trying my patience A LOT lately. I am going to miss her terribly when school starts next week. But, I think a schedule and a little break will be good. She is SUCH a mommy's girl. I am SO thankful for that but at the same time, I feel like I never have ANY space. She hangs all over me all the time and I hate that I am even writing this because I do love her so much (remember I'm really cranky today). Anyway, continue to pray for us, please. I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend.

Day 18

Well, I am now on cycle day 18. I never had any symptoms of ovulation. But, I did see my little folli's at my scan on day 13. I'm not really concerned about the lack of symptoms because I don't really remember having them with Bailey either. I am really crampy today, though. I don't know if that means I'm ovulating really late or what. We have stopped trying though after about day 15. We figure if (ok, he figured) if I hadn't by then, then I wouldn't or it was too late. But, it's ok. I prayed and prayed and prayed for a positive this month. I know God has a reason for things. I just hope he blessed us. I would be EXTATIC. I just thought I'd give you all an update. I guess symptom-wise, it's a little early to tell anything but I do feel really bloated and have kind of a bad stomach ache today. With Bailey I was only sick 4 times AND I didn't have sore anything! It was a WONDERFUL pregnancy. But, in the beginning when I wanted to feel something SO badly, it was hard to have no symptoms because I just wanted to know my baby was ok.

Follicle Scan

I had my follicle scan this afternoon. It was nothing like I expected. My doctor is out of town so I had to see her colleague. She was VERY nice and she explained to us what PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome actually means. So, out comes "wandy." Don't act like you don't love the dildo cam as much as I do! Zach went with me and I was glad to have some support and glad for him to be able to hear what the doctor had to say as well. Anyway, my lining looked great (but she didn't tell me what it was). I have several little follicles and 2 that she measured. I went into this thinking I should have like 20! She only measured 2. But, she said that really in normal women who ovulate regularly there is one dominant one that releases, is fertilized, reaches the uterus, and attaches, so I guess 2 is good??? I really don't know. Like I said, I had several small ones and the two she measured were 9.9 and 15.9 (one on left, one on right). So, technically they could both release, both fertilize, and both become babies. I just would be thrilled to have ONE! At least I have some ready to release! Please continue to pray for us.