I never realized what love was, REALLY was, until I had Bailey. Yes, I loved. I loved my husband, I loved my parents, I loved God. And, I know people say (and I know it is true) that God should be loved above all but I honestly didn't know how to do that until Bailey was born. I want this post to be meaningful. I have a lot on my mind, but I also want to make it to the point so that you don't get bored reading it.
When Bailey was born I had horrible post-pardum depression. I loved her but not the way I knew I should. It was more of a "going-through-the-motions" type of love. I knew that she was my baby whom I had spent MANY MANY nights praying and pleading for. I knew that I wanted her and she was perfect in every way. But, my heart was sad. I didn't really know why and I kept telling the doctor and they just kept saying, "let us know if it doesn't get better." So, it didn't get better and I stopped asking. Finally, about a year later, I did do something about it. I went to the doctor and shyly told her (this was a new doctor) what I had been going through since my baby was born. She prescribed a very low dose medicine and things have been much better since then.
It was a couple days later when I really understood love, in it's full form. It was as if I had given birth to her all over again (without all the physical pain) and I, for the first time, felt like I really loved her. Like mommies are supposed to feel about their babies. Since that day, I have never had to think, would I spare her life for my own. It has been no question. I will protect her under whatever circumstance may come. I will do whatever I can to make sure she is safe, taken care of, loved, and happy! This feeling is wonderful.
Lately, though, I've been feeling really down (not about my child) but about my life in general. I feel so stressed about finances (as usual) and I feel lonely in my sadness. But, the last few days I really feel like God is opening my eyes saying, "Melody, just as you would protect Bailey no matter what, I will protect you." For the first time, I'm actually starting to feel some comfort in the fact that God might actually take care of me. Take care of us, and help me not to feel like things will never get better. I keep thinking, as much as I love my child, God must love me so much more! I cannot even fathom a love like that! I am starting to feel like things are going to be ok.
No power on earth or heaven can separate us from God's love. Not our sin, not any authority, not any spiritual force. God's love is unshakable and can always be relied upon.