Monday, March 7, 2011

A lot

To talk about. All of this will probably be out of order, but that's ok :)

First, on Saturday, I took Bailey to see my sister, Monica, play in a band contest. It was really fun to get to watch her. I even made this adorable tee shirt for Bailey to wear.
If you are friends with me on facebook, you probably already saw it. I'm quite proud of it since it's the first one I've ever made. Of course, Bailey looked adorable in it and OF COURSE, I didn't take her picture, lol. It took FOREVER to iron on all of those letters but it actually worked once I realized that the directions were WRONG and you had to do it opposite of what they tell you to do. UGH, so annoying!
Also, I've been reading a lot of blogs about baby loss lately. NOT on purpose but because on my blog roll I'll see prayer requests for things like that and it breaks my heart. I want another baby SO badly and reading these make me so thankful for the beautiful child I have already been blessed with. I honestly think that I love Bailey more every day.
Love is very hard for me. I don't know why. I can't just love everyone. I might really like you, but love doesn't just happen for me. It took me a long time to REALLY fall in love with my husband. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him for a long time. I feel the same way about Bailey, when she was born, I loved her. I wanted her. She was everything (and more) that I had prayed for. But, falling in love with her was hard. I have a hard time not viewing everything as a chore. My job, my marriage, parenting, even brushing my teeth is a chore (I do it, don't get me wrong, I just don't like to). Anyway, I have finally realized that these things are not chores. They are blessings. Thank GOD I have a job! When so many people don't. Thank God that I have to clean up more spilled bubbles off of the ottoman becuase without Bailey, I wouldn't be doing that. And, Thank God that Zach and I sometimes argue because I have him. I have someone to be with me for the rest of my life. It hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies but he loves me and I love him too.
Here's another funny thing about love. I want another baby, REALLY REALLY BADLY! I think about "her" all the time. This baby that we don't even have yet, I love her. Already, I dream about her, I have her named. I want her. She's not even here but I know she's coming and I love her. If I didn't have Bailey this would make no sense but because I've experienced the love of a parent, I already love my next child. You might think I'm crazy but I can't wait to hold her in my arms.


Jessica said...

Thank you for the positive spin on knowing and recognizing our blessings. It was a great reminder for me today. : ) Hang in there!

The Anglin Family said...

I'm at a loss for words(bad day) but I understand and I'm praying for a sweet baby for are on my list!
I worked an OB office. It went ok..:)
Love and Hugs!!!