The Big O

Ok, so I'm pretty positive I ovulated today. Why is it that I'm ok with posting this on my blog for the world to see? Well, for 1, not very many people read this. And, the other reason, when you struggle with IF, not much is a secret. I like the blog world b/c I'm free to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel safe doing it here. (This explanation is mostly for my husband who will most likely read this and question why I am so comfortable expressing intimate details about my body and our TTC journey). It's helpful for me to share this stuff.



Anyway, back to those intimate details:

I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!