Clomid. I started this morning. I am ok. I was really sad and I cried. But, I am really ok now. It obviously wasn't time and I'm hoping another round and a lot more prayer will be all it takes. Right now, I am thankful SO much for my beautiful little girl. Although, at this very moment, I am looking at her, COVERED in yogurt and watching her wipe it all over her face because she thinks it's funny. And still, I love her so much! So, we'll see how this cycle goes...
to be continued...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
11 DPO
BFN again! Still trying to be hopeful. I bought a bunch of tests from Dollar.tree. I read that they are pretty good, but who knows?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
No more need to FML (updated)
The dealership finally called me about 10:30 and said it is just a battery. So, now both cars are running for a whopping $150.00 plus a tank of gas, AND our state tax return came today! YEAH!
Yes, I know what that means and that it's COMPLETELY inapropriate! But, you will soon see how appropriate it is!
Yesterday, Zach called me about 9 and said his car broke down on the side of the road. About a month ago, this happened to us. So, he waited for his mom to get there and we were able to get the car towed back to our house using his mom and dad's service. Kind of like AAA but not. I was freaking out because I thought for sure it was the fuel pump this time. My dad just changed the filter and it was an ALL day job. So, the only other reason for what the car was doing, was the pump. Labor and all that's between 600-1000 dollar fix. YIKES!
Then, about 2:30 I went out to my car (which we just bought last summer and it's fairly new) and the teacher parked in front of me was leaving and she said "Your car is making a weird noise like it's on." That's odd since I had the keys in my hand. But, the automatic lock/unlock wouldn't unlock the doors so I knew something was up.
Long story short, b/c I really don't need to explain to you what all the car was doing (none of you are mechanics, lol) I wound up having to call On-Star and having the NEW car towed to the dealership, where it sits this morning. I'm scared to see what it is. We have a warranty policy but you know how those places are, they cover what they feel like, when they feel like.
So, I should know by 10, how much this will cost.
Good news: Zach's car was out of gas. The gauge is messed up. We put gas in it and it started right up. THANK GOD and I mean that, seriously!
Updates to come...
Yes, I know what that means and that it's COMPLETELY inapropriate! But, you will soon see how appropriate it is!
Yesterday, Zach called me about 9 and said his car broke down on the side of the road. About a month ago, this happened to us. So, he waited for his mom to get there and we were able to get the car towed back to our house using his mom and dad's service. Kind of like AAA but not. I was freaking out because I thought for sure it was the fuel pump this time. My dad just changed the filter and it was an ALL day job. So, the only other reason for what the car was doing, was the pump. Labor and all that's between 600-1000 dollar fix. YIKES!
Then, about 2:30 I went out to my car (which we just bought last summer and it's fairly new) and the teacher parked in front of me was leaving and she said "Your car is making a weird noise like it's on." That's odd since I had the keys in my hand. But, the automatic lock/unlock wouldn't unlock the doors so I knew something was up.
Long story short, b/c I really don't need to explain to you what all the car was doing (none of you are mechanics, lol) I wound up having to call On-Star and having the NEW car towed to the dealership, where it sits this morning. I'm scared to see what it is. We have a warranty policy but you know how those places are, they cover what they feel like, when they feel like.
So, I should know by 10, how much this will cost.
Good news: Zach's car was out of gas. The gauge is messed up. We put gas in it and it started right up. THANK GOD and I mean that, seriously!
Updates to come...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Big O
Ok, so I'm pretty positive I ovulated today. Why is it that I'm ok with posting this on my blog for the world to see? Well, for 1, not very many people read this. And, the other reason, when you struggle with IF, not much is a secret. I like the blog world b/c I'm free to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel safe doing it here. (This explanation is mostly for my husband who will most likely read this and question why I am so comfortable expressing intimate details about my body and our TTC journey). It's helpful for me to share this stuff.
Anyway, back to those intimate details:
I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!
Anyway, back to those intimate details:
I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Day 14 scan
I went to my follicle scan yesterday. The doctor was VERY pleased. She said I have the best eggs she's seen in a while. I was scared because when she first started looking, I didn't see ANYTHING. Then, she said "Wow, there they are." Yes, they. In normal people who have NO trouble getting pregnant, they ovulate one egg per cycle. Obviously, on fertility medicine there is a greater chance at multiples. She said it probably won't happen but I have 2 follicles "neck-and-neck" she said and they are both measuring at 17 or 16.5. The one behind them is measuring about 14.5. She said that smaller one probably won't ovulate but the other 2 most likely will. I know all the stats of people who had IVF, IUI, etc and had 8 eggs and no baby. But, it only takes one! I have been praying A LOT (especially since Bailey was awake from 4-5:45 and what else was I going to do but pray for my first baby to go back to sleep and pray for my new "babies" to attach. So, I am hopeful. I'm not asking for twins, I want another baby though and I told Zach that if we have twins, that is God's plan for us. Please pray with me that this will be it!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy Birthday, Bailey!
Here are just a few pictures from Bailey's birthday party.
I'm not sure why the walls in my kitchen look lime, they are NOT! They are green, but not lime!
New bicycle from papa and memaw
She also got this princess cape and as soon as she put it on she said "Hocus Pocus." It was so cute! The next day, she wore it to the grocery store. Yes, I'm serious!
My friend, Rebecca, and her husband, brought Bailey this light-up wand. It was definitely the bigt hit item (she got her bike before the party b/c papa couldn't come to the party).
We had to sing twice because she had 2 sets of candles. I have decided that I like cupcakes because they are so much easier. Zach bought me a "big-top" cupcake maker for Christmas so I used it for the big cupcake. I filled it with a strawberry filling and it tasted SO much better than it looked. I am NOT a cake decorator.
#3 candle.
I'm not sure why the walls in my kitchen look lime, they are NOT! They are green, but not lime!
New bicycle from papa and memaw
My mom bought Bailey and each of her friends, a tu tu.
She also got this princess cape and as soon as she put it on she said "Hocus Pocus." It was so cute! The next day, she wore it to the grocery store. Yes, I'm serious!
My friend, Rebecca, and her husband, brought Bailey this light-up wand. It was definitely the bigt hit item (she got her bike before the party b/c papa couldn't come to the party).
We had to sing twice because she had 2 sets of candles. I have decided that I like cupcakes because they are so much easier. Zach bought me a "big-top" cupcake maker for Christmas so I used it for the big cupcake. I filled it with a strawberry filling and it tasted SO much better than it looked. I am NOT a cake decorator.
#3 candle.
Every year her birthday gets harder for me. I am so happy to have her and I love her so much! This year was probably the hardest just because we had 2 deaths in the family last week and it just made me realize how important our time on Earth is. I'm also sad because I haven't been able to have another child and I am starting to feel like it might not happen.
Friday, January 7, 2011
3 years ago...
I am sorry I didn't post this yesterday. Yesterday, my sweet little girl turned 3. There is a picture I really wanted to post to go along with her birthday post but I think it's on our computer that Zach's mom now has. So, I'll have to get it and post it later. Her party is tomorrow so I will come up with a better birthday post then. Until then, Bailey, I love you SO much. I'm SO happy to be your mommy and even though I cried and cried because you are turing 3, I love how you grow and change. You are incredibly smart and beautiful!
Love, Mommy
Love, Mommy
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
(UPDATED) Coming up with a title is the hardest part
I just wanted to add that Zach's grandma passed away this afternoon. Please pray for him and our family.
Thank you.
Every time I sit down to write a blog, I know what I want to say but I can never think of a good title. Anyway, that has nothing to do with today's blog.
I'm a little (ok a WAAAAAY WHOLE LOT) irritated about a situation that happened at work this week. A woman who used to be a teacher at our school (for a long time) retired last year because she is very ill. Over the break, her husband passed away very unexpectedly. when I got the phone call I was completely shocked and very upset for this woman. She is very sweet and I am so sorry that this happened to her, especially in her current health situation. Since she taught the same subject I teach, it was very apparent that the school would like as many of us as could, to go to the funeral. I was prepared to go but... On Christmas Eve, my husband's grandmother was put in the hospital. At first we didn't know the severity of how sick she was. As of right now, she is not doing well AT ALL and isn't expected to live through this week. So, yesterday was the day of the funeral for this woman from work's husband. I told the principal that I wasn't going to go because I would need at least 2 of my 3 bereavement days when Zach's grandmother passes away AND, I have already taken Thursday off because it is Bailey's birthday. So, in order to avoid any more days off work, I would just stay at school yesterday and not go to the funeral. Mind you, if I had said 'YES, I'm going to the funeral, the school was completely prepared to find someone to cover my last 2 classes so that I could go.
So, yesterday, I got a phone call from Zach's mom saying that she wanted to meet Hospice at the Hospital around 1 (same time as the funeral that I am now not attending). I told Zach's mom that I would see if I could leave work so that she could go to the hospital. Since Zach's mom is Baileys ONLY babysitter, if she can't watch Bailey then Zach or I have to stay home with her. I know this sounds like a bad situation but it is VERY rare for his mom to not be able to watch her and if Bailey is sick, I stay home with her anyway. So, I asked work if I could leave at 1 so that Zach's mom could go to the hospital and guess what they said "Sorry! We don't have anyone to cover your class."
SERIOUSLY! But if I had said 3 hours previously that I wanted to attend the funeral then it would have been fine and someone would have covered my class. So, instead, I was at work WITH MY PARA. I seriously think that if they would have found my situation to actualy be a situation there would have been someone to cover my class. It's very irritating because I feel like they get to decide what is an emergency and what is not and the whole time, I was trying to do the right thing by avoiding missing more work. Yes, I realize I'm probably a little more angry about this than I should be but I ALWAYS help out, ALWAYS do whatever I am asked and NEVER complain and then I get the shaft!
Anyway, I'm emotional. I start clomid again this afternoon (Should've started yesterday but the doctor's computers were down so they couldn't call in any prescriptions) yes, I know, that makes no sense to me either. A computer is NOT a phone! They could have called the pharmacy. But, I really like my OB so I'm not going to go switching doctors over this. Anyway, hoping for good baby vibes this time. Though, wouldn't it be neat to have a baby on 11/11/11? But that due date doesn't fit with my cycle anyway (yes, I looked). And, I'd have to wait another month to start trying.
Happier post coming soon about Bailey's 3rd birthday and some Christmas pictures.
~Melody
Thank you.
Every time I sit down to write a blog, I know what I want to say but I can never think of a good title. Anyway, that has nothing to do with today's blog.
I'm a little (ok a WAAAAAY WHOLE LOT) irritated about a situation that happened at work this week. A woman who used to be a teacher at our school (for a long time) retired last year because she is very ill. Over the break, her husband passed away very unexpectedly. when I got the phone call I was completely shocked and very upset for this woman. She is very sweet and I am so sorry that this happened to her, especially in her current health situation. Since she taught the same subject I teach, it was very apparent that the school would like as many of us as could, to go to the funeral. I was prepared to go but... On Christmas Eve, my husband's grandmother was put in the hospital. At first we didn't know the severity of how sick she was. As of right now, she is not doing well AT ALL and isn't expected to live through this week. So, yesterday was the day of the funeral for this woman from work's husband. I told the principal that I wasn't going to go because I would need at least 2 of my 3 bereavement days when Zach's grandmother passes away AND, I have already taken Thursday off because it is Bailey's birthday. So, in order to avoid any more days off work, I would just stay at school yesterday and not go to the funeral. Mind you, if I had said 'YES, I'm going to the funeral, the school was completely prepared to find someone to cover my last 2 classes so that I could go.
So, yesterday, I got a phone call from Zach's mom saying that she wanted to meet Hospice at the Hospital around 1 (same time as the funeral that I am now not attending). I told Zach's mom that I would see if I could leave work so that she could go to the hospital. Since Zach's mom is Baileys ONLY babysitter, if she can't watch Bailey then Zach or I have to stay home with her. I know this sounds like a bad situation but it is VERY rare for his mom to not be able to watch her and if Bailey is sick, I stay home with her anyway. So, I asked work if I could leave at 1 so that Zach's mom could go to the hospital and guess what they said "Sorry! We don't have anyone to cover your class."
SERIOUSLY! But if I had said 3 hours previously that I wanted to attend the funeral then it would have been fine and someone would have covered my class. So, instead, I was at work WITH MY PARA. I seriously think that if they would have found my situation to actualy be a situation there would have been someone to cover my class. It's very irritating because I feel like they get to decide what is an emergency and what is not and the whole time, I was trying to do the right thing by avoiding missing more work. Yes, I realize I'm probably a little more angry about this than I should be but I ALWAYS help out, ALWAYS do whatever I am asked and NEVER complain and then I get the shaft!
Anyway, I'm emotional. I start clomid again this afternoon (Should've started yesterday but the doctor's computers were down so they couldn't call in any prescriptions) yes, I know, that makes no sense to me either. A computer is NOT a phone! They could have called the pharmacy. But, I really like my OB so I'm not going to go switching doctors over this. Anyway, hoping for good baby vibes this time. Though, wouldn't it be neat to have a baby on 11/11/11? But that due date doesn't fit with my cycle anyway (yes, I looked). And, I'd have to wait another month to start trying.
Happier post coming soon about Bailey's 3rd birthday and some Christmas pictures.
~Melody
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