babies

*I realize that I can't comment on any blogs and I've heard others say the same so this is just a little note to let you know that I've tried to comment and can't so I understand if you are having the same problem.*

I decided, yesterday (or maybe the day before, it's the last full week of school around here and my brain is shot) that those feeling I had before I got pregnant with Bailey, have come back. I love having her. I love being a mom, I love that we get to attend little kid birthday parties WITH our child and not alone, I love sending pictures of her to all my friends and family, I LOVE the things she says, the stories she tells, the things (even the kind of naughty) that she does! Honestly, I always knew my parents loved me. But, until I had her, I had no idea HOW MUCH my parents loved and still love me!

But, having just one baby just doesn't feel right. Knowing that my husband wants another baby and knowing that it's MY FAULT that we haven't, is just hard. We wanted 4! Now, I would be so happy if all I ever had were 2. Bailey begs for a sister and I know her little 3 year old self doesn't understand all that that means but I feel bad that I can't and haven't given her a sibling. Some days are harder than others. And now, reading about people having babies and being pregnant, it's hard again!

So, I have to have a plan. I know I can't control this situation fully but I have to do something. summer is coming. THANK GOD! School was REALLY hard this year. I swear, all I have to do is smell something that's bad for me and I gain weight! My doctor told me that too. She said b/c of the PCOS I only need like 800 calories per day. So, I've got to get some of this weight off! 35 pounds, if I could just lose 35 pounds, I think I could get pregnant easily. It's going to be so hard. But, I have to try.

Tis the season

For tornadoes. This has been a crazy tornado season. I'm SO thankful that our family has been safe. But, for this family, their lives have forever been changed. Please keep them in your prayers!

http://www.newson6.com/story/14719106/search-continues-for-missing-piedmont-toddler

And totally changing the subject (I realize these 2 things have NOTHING to do with each other)
I went grocery shopping yesterday and when I opened the strawberries, this is what I found! MASSIVE STEROID STRAWBERRY!

May 16,

2007, the day I found out I was going to be a mommy. I know I'm 4 days late on this post but things have been a little crazy since Bailey's surgery. But, I have been thinking about this post for a while. That day, May 16, 2007 was pretty normal. I was just about to finish my first year of teaching. I had been REALLY tired mid-morning each day and I even remember telling my mom about it and chalking it up to the fact that school was almost out and I had worked so hard that year. I remember, too, that for about 3 days before the 16th I had been stopping at a local convenient store for nachos and diet Mountain Dew. I NEVER drink Mountain Dew but I had planned this big summer diet plan so I just let myself have it knowing that in a few weeks I would be on my way to skinny. Again, I didn't think ANYTHING about the fact that I was having this SEVERE craving every day at the same time for nachos and mountain dew. We had tried for 17 months to have a baby. I had basically given up. But that evening, May 16, it was a Wednesday, I was watching a Kleenex commercial and started crying. We were going to head to church when the husband said "Something is up with you! Do you have any more pregnancy tests?" I said yes but I really didn't want to take it and I told him that. I told him I was tired of seeing ONE line. And, they are expensive so I didn't want to waste the one I had left. But he begged. Our best friend had given us a digital test that she had left-over from when she was pregnant. So, I agreed to take the test but I told Zach that I would NOT look at it. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, took the test, then opened the door and handed it to him. After I washed my hands I walked down the hallway to the living room and sat back on the couch. From where I was sitting, I could see all the way down the hallway. When I looked down the hall I saw Zach hovering over the test and he was WHITE! VISIBLY WHITE! He looked at me and said "It doesn't say not!" (you know, the digital tests say "pregnant" or "not pregnant"). I got VERY angry to the point of tears and said "THAT IS NOT FUNNY! DON'T LIE TO ME!" Then he showed me the test that said "Pregnant"! I was completely in shock. It still makes me tear up to think about it. But, in that moment, I had no emotion except a MAJOR knot in my stomach. I looked at him and we kissed each other and I said "Are we supposed to cry or something? I don't know what to say to you, or what to do right now." Then I had a horrible thought. The test, it was old. Our friend's baby was 9 months old which means the test had to be at least 18 months old. We had to get another test! There was NO way I was pregnant. That was the only month I hadn't charted or taken meds. At this point there is NO way we are going to church. We made a decision not to tell anyone right away. We had to go to the store to buy another test. Zach was literally running around like a chicken with his head cut off looking for a shirt to wear. By this point, I was starting to become that giddy nervous laughing crazy person. So, watching Zach look for a shirt was totally cracking me up. We went to the store which was literally right behind our neighborhood and came back home. I took 2 more Fir.st Re.sponse tests and both were positive. Ok, I'm pregnant! OMG! It was sinking in. Remember that decision not to tell anyone? Well, about 2 mintues after the next 2 tests came back positive, we drove STRAIGHT to Zach's moms house (a 30 minute drive). We had purchased LOTS of baby things before we ever got pregnant so we wrapped up the pregnancy test and an "I love grandma" bib and gave it to her. She was SO excited. It was such a special moment. My parents live an hour and a half away so we decided to call them. I had all 3 of them (my sister included) get on the phone and told them I had a funny story to tell them but I didn't want to say it 3 times. When they all got on the phone I said "I took 3 pregnancy tests and they are ALL positive!!!" Again, LOTS of excitement. Then, I called my other sister in Oklahoma City to tell her. Then, when we got home, we waited for church to get out and called our best friends. More excitement and crying. One of the things that was so hilarious is our friend who said "Oh, I'm so happy, you worked so hard for this." HAHAHA! Yea, we had a lot of sex to get to this point, is what I was thinking, lol.
It was BY FAR the best day of my life (until she came, of course).
We didn't want anyone at my work to know I was pregnant because ALL first year teachers are on a temporary contract until you are re-hired in the fall. As a first year teacher, they can get rid of you with NO explanation. So, technically even though they couldn't legally get rid of me for being pregnant they could just call it something else, budget, or whatever. But I was SO excited I just couldn't wait. The FIRST thing I did when I got to work was go STRAIGHT to another teacher's classroom and tell her. It was a few days before I told everyone else. The secretary assured me that she had already put in my re-hire information to the service center and I was safe. So, I told the principal and he was very happy for us as well.
I just KNEW my baby was going to be ok. I had NO fears of losing her to miscarriage or I don't think I would have been able to tell everyone. I just KNEW God had given us this baby to keep. I never want to forget that special day when my husband told me I was pregnant! Hopefully, next time, I will get to tell him :)

Much better day

Bailey is SO much better today. Last night she started drinking and finally ate a real meal. Thanks to everyone who prayed for her. She is really on the mend now! I'm so relieved!

Recovery is not

Bailey is miserable. We are now 3 days past surgery so I'm calling this day 4. The doctor says that things generally get really bad between days 5-7. I honestly can't imagine it getting worse. This morning, she was so weak she couldn't walk downstairs by herself and I had to carry her. She holds her saliva in her mouth and I Have to remind her to swallow. The first day was great, she drank, played, and acted semi-normal. Since then, things have progressively gotten worse. I'm praying that today is the worst day. I'm so scared of her being put back in the hospital. She's already lost 3 pounds. I know a lot of people don't read this, but if you do, PLEASE PLEASE pray! I feel like that's all I do is sit and pray for her to drink and take her medicine. I feel extremely guilty for doing this to her and I know in the end it is for the best. Just please pray that my little girl gets rehydrated and doesn't have to be hospitalized!

8 a.m.

My baby girl is having surgery at 8 in the morning. We have to be at the hospital at 6:30. I am so worried about how she will do and what her recovery will be like. Please pray for all of us. Our biggest fear is her winding back up in the hospital b/c of dehydration. She's a tough little girl so I am hopeful she will be fine. I'm looking forward to her being able to hear again. I know she will enjoy not feeling like she is always under water I just feel very guilty that she is going to go in feeling fine and come out with a horribel sore throat. This Mama business is hard!

Things they say

They... kids.

I got a phone call yesterday while I was at work. I couldn't talk long because my students were taking their state reading test. When I answered the phone this is what I heard:
"Mommy, bring me some waffles, I love you, bye!"
Uh, ok. I wasn't really sure what to think. So, on my way home I called the husband and asked if I still needed to bring waffles home. About the time the words came out of my mouth I heard "Daddy, mommy is bringing me some raspberry waffles when she comes home." So, at least I had my answer but, where do you get raspberry waffles? So, we convinced her that plain would be best and she ate 2 for dinner last night, haha!

This morning, I got a phone call from my M-i-l. She relayed this conversation that she and Bailey just had:

Mil: "Bailey, you need to put some shoes on so that Memaw can go to the pool store."
B: "Um, NO I am not putting shoes on, I am going to wear my ballerina shoes."
MIL: "That's fine but you need to go upstairs and get them."
B: "Memaw! I told you 4 times, I am NOT wearing shoes! I am wearing my ballerina slippers and I am NOT going upstairs to get them, YOU go get them, and SHUT UP!"
MIL: "Bailey, you will not talk to me like that. If you want your shoes, go get them."

Eventually, Bailey went upstairs to get her shoes. I'm sure the punishment she received for yelling and saying shut up was mild considering that my MIL couldn't even tell me the story without hysterically laughing. It is kind of funny to hear a 3 year old talk like that. It's my fault too! Zach and I constantly joke around and I always wind up saying "Shut-up" to him. I don't ever mean it the way that Bailey makes it sound. What am I gonna do with that girl!?

There is a give-away going on here

Testing, pictures, clomid

My students are taking their end of year state tests today and tomorrow. Even though we still have another MONTH of school left, UGH! This gives me time to clean up my desk (which I haven't even started yet, ha). It also means I don't have a lot to do for the next couple days so I thought I could write a little blog.

I also thought that since I am not so good about it anymore, I would post a few pictures of my little girl! This is the moment she realized the Easter Bunny just left a present on the front porch.

These are my parents :)

Isn't it funny how the first month or so of your child's life you have like 1000 pictures and by the time they are 3 you only take about 100 pictures per year, lol. That's why I only have 2 pictures here. That's ALL I got from Easter. OOPS!

I finished my Clomid last night YAY! I'm being very positive about all of this. I'm SO glad I looked it up and asked some of you when I should take it. Mostly just one of you, but you know who you are ;). I realized that I was counting the first day of my cycle as the first day I actually had a major flow. So, in reality, I was starting my clomid more like day 8 instead of day 5. This times I started on day 3, counting day one as the FIRST day of spotting. The other thing I really liked about it is that my period was really short! Hopefully I gave my body enough time to prepare follicles this month. I just don't want to ovulate late because Bailey's surgery is on day 15 and Zach's moms surgery is on day 14 so that means we could run into a little issue. But, I'm trying not to worry about that.

Here's the other thing, I take a pre-natal vitamin every morning but for the past week I have this HORRIBLE taste in my mouth. I'm also really nauseated from the fish oil and metformin so the only things that taste good are spicy foods. I think I need some potassium so I might buy a few bananas after work.

I was up ALL night last night wondering how we are going to live on 700 dollars for the next 3 weeks. This means we have 700 dollars left over after the bills are paid to buy groceries/gas/entertainment, etc. But, I realized how silly I am being. Some people don't have a house, a job, a car, and some people HONESTLY do just scrape by. At least we have money left over after we get paid. It's sometimes not a lot but I think my biggest frustration is that we let our savings account go from 2000 to nothing! Well, not nothing. All said and done, probably about 500 will be in there for summer. Still, that's 500 more than we had last summer. I know where our money goes. ENTERTAINMENT! We spend WAY too much money on unnecessary things. So, if we didn't do that, we would still have tons of money. How funny is it that we will actually save money when I get pregnant because we won't go out all the time (I know how tired I will be).

Anyway, things are going to be ok. My blog is not supposed to be sad and complain(y) all the time :) I really am a happy person! Just a happy working mama, wanting another baby!

~MELODY