Tuesday, September 21, 2010

What if she's the only one?

When I was pregnant with Bailey I remember feeling SO happy that I was pregnant. I was absolutely thrilled that God had given us this baby and we were finally going to be parents. The two things in life I wanted more than anything were a husband and a child. But I didn't want just one child. And, like most of you, I NEVER expected to have trouble having as many babies as I wanted. But, that just didn't happen. So, I now sit and wonder if this beautiful child will be my only child. I love her more than anthing! We couldn't have picked a more beautiful child. She's smart and funny and keeps me VERY busy. But I don't want her to be the only one. Now, I have other problems too. I worry about money ALL the time. We have problems in our marriage. Ok, no, that is not true, I have problems! I have issues! I have hurts and wounds that won't heal. I don't have any real desire to not be married to my husband. I just need my heart to feel better. I feel like I need to solve all of my problems on my own b/c God isn't helping me. I want another baby :( I want to be happy, and I want enough money in my checking account to be able to buy things we need. Maybe, I need a bigger dose of "happy pill."

6 comments:

Just Plain Tired said...

Sounds as though you have many conflicting emotions and thoughts floating around you right now. Children are definitely a blessing. We had two, and the second one was a long time coming for us. It took 3 years of trying before we got that bundle of joy. Hang in there!

Ashley said...

((hugs))) Thinking of you honey! I have those thoughts too!! Don't get discouraged;)

twondra said...

((((HUGS)))) I wish there was something I could say to help you. You sound "normal" if that makes you feel any better at all. Of course you want all those things honey. It's only natural.

Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

The Anglin Family said...

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. We all have those kinds of thoughts..it wouldn't be normal if we didn't worry about money and marriage wasn't stressful. I've got you in my prayers. Don't give up. God has a plan. ;) I'm always here if you need an ear!;)

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