Thursday, December 20, 2012

I would be happy if...

1. My dad didn't die 3 weeks ago!  I know most of you know that this happened.  Most of you don't know what happened.  On November 28th, my mom went home for lunch.  My dad had just gotten out of the rehab hospital on Monday.  He had had an infection from his knee replacement surgery and had been in a Rehab hospital for 44 days.  The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the doctors had re-replaced his knee and things were great.  He was finally well.  Monday, November 26th they brought him home from the hospital.  My mom even video taped it.  His little Shih Tzu, Jack was SO happy to see him.  He ran in circles around my dad and was just thrilled to have his best friend home.  But, on Wednesday, my mom came home for lunch and brought my dad a sandwich from Subway, when she opened the door and turned the corner, she found him, dead, in his recliner.  Because he was alone at home, the police had to do an investigation.  He fell asleep around 8:30 in the morning (we know b/c my mom talked to him right before that and then sent him a text message (which he never got, b/c he was DEAD).  She sent the message at 8:32.  He never got it.  Dead, I can't believe this has happened!  Why did it happen?  He fell asleep, had a heart attack, never woke up.  I'm angry!  VERY VERY angry.  Not turning my back on God and not mad at daddy for dying but VERY angry that we are dealing with this.

2. My husband would let me plan my daughter's birthday party and just show up when I tell him to.  Instead, I try to plan things, that's not what he wants so we have to fight about it.  It costs $30 bucks to have a party at McDonalds.  Her friends could come, the family could come, I don't have to have a party at my house, I bring gifts, they clean up, done, end of story, we bring the gifts home, everyone's happy.  But, at my house, it just doesn't work that way.  He wants to have a family party at home and then let her have a party with her friends.  I don't understand but then I guess if I had it my way, he wouldn't have it his way.  Either way, one of us is upset.  May as well be me.

3. Jesus would come back and just rescue me from my misery.  I ADORE my children and my husband.  I want to live a long life with them.  But, there is a small part of me that just wants to die and end the suffering.  I long for the rapture!  I want my daddy!  I want to be happy, I don't want to worry about sending my baby to school and hope she comes back safely.  I don't want to worry about my house payment, my bills, and so forth.

4. We didn't have to go into debt for Christmas gifts.  I HATE CHRISTMAS as it is today.  I hate buying expensive gifts b/c that's what you are "supposed" to do. 

Basically, I'm just not happy right now.

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