babies

*I realize that I can't comment on any blogs and I've heard others say the same so this is just a little note to let you know that I've tried to comment and can't so I understand if you are having the same problem.*

I decided, yesterday (or maybe the day before, it's the last full week of school around here and my brain is shot) that those feeling I had before I got pregnant with Bailey, have come back. I love having her. I love being a mom, I love that we get to attend little kid birthday parties WITH our child and not alone, I love sending pictures of her to all my friends and family, I LOVE the things she says, the stories she tells, the things (even the kind of naughty) that she does! Honestly, I always knew my parents loved me. But, until I had her, I had no idea HOW MUCH my parents loved and still love me!

But, having just one baby just doesn't feel right. Knowing that my husband wants another baby and knowing that it's MY FAULT that we haven't, is just hard. We wanted 4! Now, I would be so happy if all I ever had were 2. Bailey begs for a sister and I know her little 3 year old self doesn't understand all that that means but I feel bad that I can't and haven't given her a sibling. Some days are harder than others. And now, reading about people having babies and being pregnant, it's hard again!

So, I have to have a plan. I know I can't control this situation fully but I have to do something. summer is coming. THANK GOD! School was REALLY hard this year. I swear, all I have to do is smell something that's bad for me and I gain weight! My doctor told me that too. She said b/c of the PCOS I only need like 800 calories per day. So, I've got to get some of this weight off! 35 pounds, if I could just lose 35 pounds, I think I could get pregnant easily. It's going to be so hard. But, I have to try.