Clomid. I started this morning. I am ok. I was really sad and I cried. But, I am really ok now. It obviously wasn't time and I'm hoping another round and a lot more prayer will be all it takes. Right now, I am thankful SO much for my beautiful little girl. Although, at this very moment, I am looking at her, COVERED in yogurt and watching her wipe it all over her face because she thinks it's funny. And still, I love her so much! So, we'll see how this cycle goes...
to be continued...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
11 DPO
BFN again! Still trying to be hopeful. I bought a bunch of tests from Dollar.tree. I read that they are pretty good, but who knows?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
No more need to FML (updated)
The dealership finally called me about 10:30 and said it is just a battery. So, now both cars are running for a whopping $150.00 plus a tank of gas, AND our state tax return came today! YEAH!
Yes, I know what that means and that it's COMPLETELY inapropriate! But, you will soon see how appropriate it is!
Yesterday, Zach called me about 9 and said his car broke down on the side of the road. About a month ago, this happened to us. So, he waited for his mom to get there and we were able to get the car towed back to our house using his mom and dad's service. Kind of like AAA but not. I was freaking out because I thought for sure it was the fuel pump this time. My dad just changed the filter and it was an ALL day job. So, the only other reason for what the car was doing, was the pump. Labor and all that's between 600-1000 dollar fix. YIKES!
Then, about 2:30 I went out to my car (which we just bought last summer and it's fairly new) and the teacher parked in front of me was leaving and she said "Your car is making a weird noise like it's on." That's odd since I had the keys in my hand. But, the automatic lock/unlock wouldn't unlock the doors so I knew something was up.
Long story short, b/c I really don't need to explain to you what all the car was doing (none of you are mechanics, lol) I wound up having to call On-Star and having the NEW car towed to the dealership, where it sits this morning. I'm scared to see what it is. We have a warranty policy but you know how those places are, they cover what they feel like, when they feel like.
So, I should know by 10, how much this will cost.
Good news: Zach's car was out of gas. The gauge is messed up. We put gas in it and it started right up. THANK GOD and I mean that, seriously!
Updates to come...
Yes, I know what that means and that it's COMPLETELY inapropriate! But, you will soon see how appropriate it is!
Yesterday, Zach called me about 9 and said his car broke down on the side of the road. About a month ago, this happened to us. So, he waited for his mom to get there and we were able to get the car towed back to our house using his mom and dad's service. Kind of like AAA but not. I was freaking out because I thought for sure it was the fuel pump this time. My dad just changed the filter and it was an ALL day job. So, the only other reason for what the car was doing, was the pump. Labor and all that's between 600-1000 dollar fix. YIKES!
Then, about 2:30 I went out to my car (which we just bought last summer and it's fairly new) and the teacher parked in front of me was leaving and she said "Your car is making a weird noise like it's on." That's odd since I had the keys in my hand. But, the automatic lock/unlock wouldn't unlock the doors so I knew something was up.
Long story short, b/c I really don't need to explain to you what all the car was doing (none of you are mechanics, lol) I wound up having to call On-Star and having the NEW car towed to the dealership, where it sits this morning. I'm scared to see what it is. We have a warranty policy but you know how those places are, they cover what they feel like, when they feel like.
So, I should know by 10, how much this will cost.
Good news: Zach's car was out of gas. The gauge is messed up. We put gas in it and it started right up. THANK GOD and I mean that, seriously!
Updates to come...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Big O
Ok, so I'm pretty positive I ovulated today. Why is it that I'm ok with posting this on my blog for the world to see? Well, for 1, not very many people read this. And, the other reason, when you struggle with IF, not much is a secret. I like the blog world b/c I'm free to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel safe doing it here. (This explanation is mostly for my husband who will most likely read this and question why I am so comfortable expressing intimate details about my body and our TTC journey). It's helpful for me to share this stuff.
Anyway, back to those intimate details:
I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!
Anyway, back to those intimate details:
I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Day 14 scan
I went to my follicle scan yesterday. The doctor was VERY pleased. She said I have the best eggs she's seen in a while. I was scared because when she first started looking, I didn't see ANYTHING. Then, she said "Wow, there they are." Yes, they. In normal people who have NO trouble getting pregnant, they ovulate one egg per cycle. Obviously, on fertility medicine there is a greater chance at multiples. She said it probably won't happen but I have 2 follicles "neck-and-neck" she said and they are both measuring at 17 or 16.5. The one behind them is measuring about 14.5. She said that smaller one probably won't ovulate but the other 2 most likely will. I know all the stats of people who had IVF, IUI, etc and had 8 eggs and no baby. But, it only takes one! I have been praying A LOT (especially since Bailey was awake from 4-5:45 and what else was I going to do but pray for my first baby to go back to sleep and pray for my new "babies" to attach. So, I am hopeful. I'm not asking for twins, I want another baby though and I told Zach that if we have twins, that is God's plan for us. Please pray with me that this will be it!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy Birthday, Bailey!
Here are just a few pictures from Bailey's birthday party.
I'm not sure why the walls in my kitchen look lime, they are NOT! They are green, but not lime!
New bicycle from papa and memaw
She also got this princess cape and as soon as she put it on she said "Hocus Pocus." It was so cute! The next day, she wore it to the grocery store. Yes, I'm serious!
My friend, Rebecca, and her husband, brought Bailey this light-up wand. It was definitely the bigt hit item (she got her bike before the party b/c papa couldn't come to the party).
We had to sing twice because she had 2 sets of candles. I have decided that I like cupcakes because they are so much easier. Zach bought me a "big-top" cupcake maker for Christmas so I used it for the big cupcake. I filled it with a strawberry filling and it tasted SO much better than it looked. I am NOT a cake decorator.
#3 candle.
I'm not sure why the walls in my kitchen look lime, they are NOT! They are green, but not lime!
New bicycle from papa and memaw
My mom bought Bailey and each of her friends, a tu tu.
She also got this princess cape and as soon as she put it on she said "Hocus Pocus." It was so cute! The next day, she wore it to the grocery store. Yes, I'm serious!
My friend, Rebecca, and her husband, brought Bailey this light-up wand. It was definitely the bigt hit item (she got her bike before the party b/c papa couldn't come to the party).
We had to sing twice because she had 2 sets of candles. I have decided that I like cupcakes because they are so much easier. Zach bought me a "big-top" cupcake maker for Christmas so I used it for the big cupcake. I filled it with a strawberry filling and it tasted SO much better than it looked. I am NOT a cake decorator.
#3 candle.
Every year her birthday gets harder for me. I am so happy to have her and I love her so much! This year was probably the hardest just because we had 2 deaths in the family last week and it just made me realize how important our time on Earth is. I'm also sad because I haven't been able to have another child and I am starting to feel like it might not happen.
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