At least it's not the flu...

Our poor baby girl was sick all weekend! It started Friday evening about 7 when I noticed that Bailey felt warm. I, being the "NON-Freak-outish" (yeah, you like how we English teachers are allowed to make up new words, lol) was not too concerned. Zach and I left her with his mom while we went out for a couple hours and asked her to give her some tylenol if the fever went up. It was only about 99 so of course I thought nothing of it. We got a phone call a couple hours later that her fever had continued to go up and she was SCREAMING for me so we came back home. ALL night she had fever and chills. EVERY 2 hours we gave her tylenol or motrin. Saturday morning I called the triage nurse and she said we HAD to take Bailey to the ER because having chills for more than an hour MUST be checked out. SIX, YES SIX hours later, we had determined it was not the flu OR a urinary tract infection. But, let me just say having to cath a toddler is TRAUMATIZING. Not only for her, but her mommy as well. I felt so bad for my little bug. Then, as things always happen, I wound up sick as well. So, I stayed home with her yesterday. I am feeling a little better and sweet Bailey is doing much better. But, I will admit I was QUITE scared for a while. Her fever never got past 102.5 but I can't imagine what it would have been without the medicine. It really makes me think about how much I love her and that I would do ANYTHING to protect her.

Please don't feed her oranges and grandpa's fried rice

Last night, MeMaw and Papa (Bailey's given names to grandma and grandpa) were having some ice cream. They asked if she could have some. "I don't care." I said. FATAL mistake. I didn't realize that they were going to give her orange sherbet (which I THOUGHT everyone knew she was allergic t0). Last time she had it she went COMPLETELY nuts and wouldn't go to bed. She was bouncing off the walls. Not to mention, the red rash that seems to appear all over her little face (much like the rash she gets from ketchup). I know, my poor baby has ultra-sensitive skin thanks to her mommy's side of the family. Anyway, around bed time we were reading a book and I noticed that Bailey was starting to act more hyped up than calmed down. "Did Bailey eat orange sherbet?" I asked Zach's mom.
"Yes, you said she could have ice cream."
OH DEAR!
Long story short...
Bailey went COMPLETELY nuts. She started head butting me, and I have quite the black eye this morning because of it.
Please don't feed her orange stuff!

I also wanted to pay a little tribute to my grandpa Carter. He always used to make fried rice for me. It's one of my very favorite things. EVERY birthday or holiday he would make it just for me. I decided to make some last night and I was thinking just how blessed we all were for having him in our lives. He was the most kind-hearted, gentle man I have ever known. I miss him so much since he passed away last December. He wasn't supposed to die and I really don't think my life will ever be quite the same without him. I love you grandpa! I hope you and grandma are having fun in Heaven! I wish Bailey could have gotten to know you! You really were a special person.

You will NOT believe this!

Sunday morning, about 2:45, I woke up to go to the bathroom. My worst nightmare was before me as I entered the barthroom. Sitting inside the bathtub was a mouse! We live out in the country and I knew we had a mouse but we couldn't catch it no matter how many traps we put out. I HATE mice! I think they are nasty beasts and they must die! So, I stood there, frozen in time, wondering what I should do. I finally decided (as my body was almost convulsing from shaking so hard) that my urge to pee was not going to go away. So, I sat as close to the edge of the toilet as I could without wetting on the floor, did my business, and flushed. The whole time, I was starting at this nasty rodent! When I flushed the toilet my little mouse enemy started freaking out and trying to jump out of the tub. I quickly realized it could not get out and I was going to have to drowned it! I don't know how my mind was capable of functioning at a time like this! I realized that I was going to have to pull the rug off the side of the tub because that must have been how the mouse was able to get into the tub in the first place. Since it wasn't big enough to jump out of the tub, it must have climbed up the rug to get into the tub in the first place. Ok, so at this point I am still shaking so much that I feel like I am naked in 2 degree weather. But, first task is completed, rug is off the tub. I then decided (this is where my blonde roots begin to show) that I could throw a towel over the mouse and turn the bathtub on to drown it! This plan did not work because I didn't throw the towel hard enough and the little rodent started trying to climb up the towel. Again, I don't know how I managed to complete the next task without peeing my already emptied bladder but, I grabbed the towel and shook the mouse back into the tub. At this point, the mouse is REALLY freaking out! It didn't know where else to go so it tried to crawl down the drain. "I DON'T THINK SO!" I thought! So I turned on the hot water. I don't know why but the hot water at my in-laws could boil an egg! And, it gets hot REALLY quickly. Mousy didn't like this and crawled quickly back out of the drain. Good, it's feet were wet and it couldn't even begin to crawl out of the tub. It ran to the back of the tub and I felt like I was completing some kind of "Veto" competition on Big Brother because I knew I only had ONE chance to position the bathtub plug JUST right so that it would plug the tub and drown the mouse. Luckily, even in my "shaky" state, I managed with my FIRST try to plug the tub. A few seconds later, my troubles were over. Did you know, it only takes about 15 seconds for a mouse to drown? After it was over, I stood there, staring for at least 5 minutes. I then left a note for my father-in-law that I was sorry about the dead mouse in the tub but I was not going to touch it! Thankfully he is brave and he got it out of the tub. Yesterday, I scrubbed the tub clean of it's rodent ish! I am So glad it's over but so paranoid of it happening again. YUCK!

So, how was your weekend?

~Melody

I stayed home from work yesterday. I had a HORRIBLE pain in my side. I honestly think I had a cyst rupture on one of my ovaries. I thought I was in labor (and as far as I know, I'm not pregnant!) It was absolutely the worst pain (besides labor) I have ever felt! Luckily, I am better and back at work today.

Bailey has started doing the funniest thing. The other night, she pulled a cabinet over (almost on herself). It didn't hit her but it did break the cabinet. It's just a small cabinet with one drawer that we keep her diapers on. After it fell, she stood there saying "Oh Baidey, Oh Baidey." It was so cute! She has a book called "Oh, Oh Bunny." It's about a bunny who breaks stuff and tears stuff, and colors on the wall. At the end the bunny tells the truth and helps mommy pick everything back up. So, Bailey has decided every time she does something wrong she will now say "Oh Baidey." She can't pronounce her L sound very well yet so she calls herself Baidey. She is just getting so big.

On another note, I am feeling So much better when I take my medicine. I really didn't think I needed it but I feel SO much more calm and less depressed (which I guess is good since that's what it's for). I hope I don't have to take it for a long time. But, for now I'm glad to have it.

I guess I don't have anything else. I've been following and reading everyone's blogs and looking forward to new belly pics from my pg friends!
Love you all!
~Melody

Ahh, much better

Well, I am still around. Bailey threw, and broke my camera so I don't have any pictures for you all. Zach has a very nice camera but I really try to stay away from it. :) If it breaks, I don't want it to be my fault! Anyway, I am feeling SO much better. I spent almost 2 and a half hours at my doctor's office last Wednesday afternoon. I left with 6 prescriptions and some allergy samples. I have only had one prescription filled but hopefully I will get my hormone cream tomorrow. Waiting 2 hours for the doctor is NOT my idea of fun but at least she takes care of me. She put me on a low dose anxiety pill and I am feeling MUCH better. It's amazing. I was so almost "offended" to have to take such a thing but I do think it is something I need at least for the time being. I just wanted to let all of you know that I'm still around just busy busy at school. I'll try to update (with pics) soon :)
Love,
Melody

First trip to the Zoo.

We took Bailey to the zoo last weekend. It was her first trip and it was SO fun to watch her! She LOVED all of the animals. Every time we got to a new animal I thought "Oh, this is her favorite" But, she was just as excited to see the next, and next, and next animal. :)

On another note:

I find each new "cycle" a little sad. Isn't that kind of silly? I mean, especially after my last post about never having time to myself and feeling like I just want to fall off the planet, some days. However, every time AF shows her self, I do admit to being a little disapointed and a little sad that I'm not pregnant. Does that even make sense? I think there is a part of me that fears B having to be an only child. Another part of me just really loved being pregnant (until about 7.5 months when I was like, ok I'm done). I also loved having a tiny baby. I admit, though that I didn't really bond with B like I should have until she was several months old. I don't know what was wrong with me. I loved her like I always did. I would have done anything for her but I just felt like something was missing in our little relationship. Recently I have discovered a love for her that I think I should have felt long ago. I think this is all part of my mood swings and the depression that I don't want to admit that I have. Still, I do think I'm ready for another baby. I just wish we had a little more money. Someday... we'll have another one. I do understand that you do have to have sex in order to get pregnant. That might be part of the problem, haha. If I could just get little B into her own bed. Now is not a good time. She has an ear infection and was just diagnosed with Eczema.

Anyone have any advice for what to do about her eczema??? I bought some Eucerin and will get the no-scent soap soon. It makes me really sad because I love her smelling like a baby and now she's not supposed to use baby lotion. So, I have decided I will still wash her hair with baby soap and wash her body with the more gentle stuff.

Always a worry

I don't really expect anyone to read this. This is just a post of my current feelings. And, it's a lot faster to type than to write. So, that said...

I find myself in bed crying myself to sleep thinking "when will this (life) get easier?" Does it? I'm pretty sure I never recovered from my post-pardom depression. It's common. More for me since I had gestational diabetes and depression runs in my family. But every time I went to the doctor they just kept saying "if you continue to feel like this come back and see us." Well that's fine but how freaking long did they expect me to feel like this before they did something about it? So, I just stopped asking, put on my happy face and acted like I was happy to receive another exam, more blood work, and waiting 2.5 hours on the doctor is not big deal, right? So, whatever, I will just feel like this and hope that it goes away.

I inherited "worry" from my dad. I love my father. He's the strongest most compassionate man I know. But, he worries. ALL the time. It's a struggle for him. Even as strong a Christian as he is he constantly worries. I praise God that my parents have finally found someone to rent their other house. They own 2 houses but obviously only reside in one of them. They finally found a good couple to rent the other one and just paid off their van so financially they are going to be doing a lot better. Still, though, I get to worry like my daddy.

Why is the most precious word I hear every day the one that gets so annoying after the 100Th time each day. Mamamamamamamamamamamamama! I longed for her to say it! But, Bailey is a momma's girl and my favorite part of the day is coming home to her. She wraps her arms around me when I get home and says "HUG!" It's the sweetest thing. But, by the time I've made dinner, cleaned our ONE room, and colored 100 pictures with her, I need a break. I don't ever get a break. I do, I think, I'm sure I do but I don't feel like I do. She clings to me. I will be sad when she doesn't but right now I wish for her to be able to play by herself for 15 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love taking a bath with her and listening to her sing. She is our world. Shes just very busy and I have trouble keeping up. I feel like I am constantly in pain. I can't do anything more for my back so I've decided it will just always hurt and I try really hard not to complain about it but it's adding to my sadness because I can't sit and play with her for more than 5 minutes without being in so much pain I have to get up. The pills don't work anymore. Bailey is sleeping better and that is good. But, I wish that I had more time with Z and now that we live with other people (which I actually enjoy because I have people to talk to) the only time we have as a couple is at night but our little angel is right between us and we are so tired now that school has started that we can't talk to each other without waking her or moving her out of the way. So, we just go to sleep (no more babies that way either, right, haha).

I want to be a better teacher this year. I want to be more involved in my students daily work and help them more than I have in the past but it hurts. I can't stand up all day. I wish I didn't have to live in pain. But, I've managed this long.

I want more babies but honestly, can I emotionally handle it? What's wrong with me? Why do I only want to cry all the time? I feel like a bad mother because sometimes I just want to sit alone and do something that I want to do. I feel like it means I don't love her enough. But I promise, I would die for her.

(I couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting this little baby)

I hate that we have so much debt. It consumes me. I stress and fret over it all the time. Now, we sold our house and paid off a lot of stuff and still, the numbers say we still have so much left. I wanted out of it and I thought we were going to be able to get out of it sooner rather than later. But, now I am told it will take longer (and a lot at that) than I thought. So, I tell myself. "Melody, you are going to get some of this paid off and then you are going to buy a new house with a bigger house payment. So, even though you paid debt off you won't be doing any better off because you will have to pay more for a house payment." I don't know how he does it but Z always takes care of the bills and we generally have a little left over to buy groceries or whatever. But, I hate our credit cards and I wish we never even had them to begin with. But that would have been impossible when we were first married. I just thought we were going to get out from under them before we got a new house and now I guess I was reaching a little higher than that. I just don't understand how I managed to get into this situation.

I also tell myself that we have made a lot of progress and as long as we continue we are doing better than we were. But, since I inherited this worrying "gene" I will continue to feel like my life is crumbling right from underneath me. My child will have a bad mother until I feel like I can do better and I won't feel like I have the relationship I want until I have the energy to be as affectionate with him as I want him to be with me. This is no one's fault. Those stupid doctors should have just listened to me when I told them that I WASN'T feeling better! I love B and Z and I would do anything for them. I just feel like I'm always crying on the inside.

If you read this... Kudos to you! You deserve an award. I'm glad I have a place to vent and express my emotions. I probably will feel better now that I've gotten it all out.