I miss you because...

Adilyn started crawling this week.  I took a video, I wanted to show you.

Bailey turned 5 this month.  Overnight, she really changed.  She now refers to everything she wants as "I'm 5 now, I can do it."  She tells me funny stories EVERY day.  I wish I could tell you.

Mom is sad, Sheri is sad, Monica is sad.  We're all really sad.  If you were here, we wouldn't be sad.

You used to send me text messages that sometimes didn't even make sense. But I loved them.

You prayed for me, with me, for my family.

You told me I was your favorite.  I know you told Sheri and Monica too, but still, you told me.

Your marriage was rocky, for 30 years!  The last 2 were wonderful. It's not fair.

I don't know how to grieve.  I don't know what to say to people when they ask how I'm doing.  Because, I really don't know how I'm doing.

I miss you because...

I love you still!  We shouldn't have to lose people we love.

I would be happy if...

1. My dad didn't die 3 weeks ago!  I know most of you know that this happened.  Most of you don't know what happened.  On November 28th, my mom went home for lunch.  My dad had just gotten out of the rehab hospital on Monday.  He had had an infection from his knee replacement surgery and had been in a Rehab hospital for 44 days.  The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the doctors had re-replaced his knee and things were great.  He was finally well.  Monday, November 26th they brought him home from the hospital.  My mom even video taped it.  His little Shih Tzu, Jack was SO happy to see him.  He ran in circles around my dad and was just thrilled to have his best friend home.  But, on Wednesday, my mom came home for lunch and brought my dad a sandwich from Subway, when she opened the door and turned the corner, she found him, dead, in his recliner.  Because he was alone at home, the police had to do an investigation.  He fell asleep around 8:30 in the morning (we know b/c my mom talked to him right before that and then sent him a text message (which he never got, b/c he was DEAD).  She sent the message at 8:32.  He never got it.  Dead, I can't believe this has happened!  Why did it happen?  He fell asleep, had a heart attack, never woke up.  I'm angry!  VERY VERY angry.  Not turning my back on God and not mad at daddy for dying but VERY angry that we are dealing with this.

2. My husband would let me plan my daughter's birthday party and just show up when I tell him to.  Instead, I try to plan things, that's not what he wants so we have to fight about it.  It costs $30 bucks to have a party at McDonalds.  Her friends could come, the family could come, I don't have to have a party at my house, I bring gifts, they clean up, done, end of story, we bring the gifts home, everyone's happy.  But, at my house, it just doesn't work that way.  He wants to have a family party at home and then let her have a party with her friends.  I don't understand but then I guess if I had it my way, he wouldn't have it his way.  Either way, one of us is upset.  May as well be me.

3. Jesus would come back and just rescue me from my misery.  I ADORE my children and my husband.  I want to live a long life with them.  But, there is a small part of me that just wants to die and end the suffering.  I long for the rapture!  I want my daddy!  I want to be happy, I don't want to worry about sending my baby to school and hope she comes back safely.  I don't want to worry about my house payment, my bills, and so forth.

4. We didn't have to go into debt for Christmas gifts.  I HATE CHRISTMAS as it is today.  I hate buying expensive gifts b/c that's what you are "supposed" to do. 

Basically, I'm just not happy right now.

All about Adilyn Cate

My baby is getting so big!  I haven't blogged in forever because I just don't see the need since I have facebook.  But, maybe one or two people who read this haven't seen my facebook. :)  Adilyn will be 8 months old on the 16th.  She sits up very well on her own, she says dada and mama ALL DAY LONG.  Just Sunday night she started sleeping better.  She had been waking up 3 times per night!  She weighs about 23 pounds and wears 9 month clothes. But, her thighs are HUGE!  She needs a 12-18 month in pants b/c her legs are so chunky.  She LOVES her walker and she absolutely ADORES her sister!  Bailey is definitely her favorite person (next to mama).  When Bailey gets home from school, Adilyn is so so excited to see her.  We had some pictures taken as Se.ar.s a few weeks ago and they turned out SO cute!

 And, I know this is titled All about Adilyn Cate, but my big girl started school in August and I just love how much she is learning and all the funny things she tells us!  I LOVE my girls!

4 months old! (6/16)

Adilyn Cate, you are 4 months old!  You weigh about 17.5 pounds.  You wear  3-6 month clothes and a size 1/2 diaper.  I opened a bag of 2's last night.  They are a tiny bit big but not a lot.  You are happy most of the time but you have a lot of tummy issues.  You take 2 grams of Miralax once a day.   You sleep pretty well.  Usually you are down between 7 and 8 and wake up once or twice a night.  You wake up very happy.  You drink about 4 oz of milk every 3 hours.  You also eat a small jar of baby applesauce around 5-6PM every day.  You LOVE applesauce and can't wait for your next bite.  You probably will start on veggies sometime in the next few weeks.  You go to the doctor on Tuesday and I will find out exactly how much you weigh and how long you are.  We could not be happier to have you.  You fuss when you are tired and you like to have mommy hold you close with your paci.  You LOVE your pacifier!  Once you get sleepy, mommy can put you in your playpen and you put yourself to sleep.  I really need to move you to your bed but I just haven't been able to do it yet.  I love you Adilyn!  I love you more than you will ever know!

Being a girl mama

Is pretty much the best thing EVER!
Yesterday, I took the girls to the splash pad.  Adi had to stay in her stroller with a towel over her.  I wet a onesie to keep her cool.  I didn't put it on her!  I just used it to wipe her face, hands, and feet.  She was so happy the whole time.  I am extremely grateful for that.  Monday she got VERY sick.  If she was awake, she was screaming.  I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and found out she has a pretty nasty ear infection.  She was also terribly constipated despite all of the karo syrup and juice.  FINALLY, Wednesday morning, she filled 2 diapers... oh how we love when our babies poop as mamas of infants. :)  By last night, she was pretty much back to her happy smiling self.  She's now had 5 doses of antibiotics and it really seems to be helping.

Bailey is a challenge these days but she is OH SO SWEET when she wants to be.  She absolutely ADORES Adilyn and is such a good big sister.  Of course, I didn't take the camera to the splash pad yesterday, but there will be MANY more opportunities to go this summer.

Yesterday, I was bored and decided to look at Halloween costumes for the girls.  If I can find something inexpensive enough, I think Bailey will be Doc McStuffins and Adilyn will be Lambie.  If you haven't seen this cartoon, it's just adorable and Bailey's new favorite.  I am NOT a fan of Halloween but now that I have 2 girls I want to dress them alike or "themed" :).

OK, here is a collage of what I looked like before I got pregnant with Adi, and the pictures in green are from a couple weekends ago. 

We have 3 days of school left and I CANNOT wait. 

I hope you all have a great summer. 

A few thoughts...

~ I hate the new blogger lay-out.  If anyone knows how to find the dashboard, PLEASE share.  I can't figure out how to find the blogs I follow.
~I finished a novel this week.  I started it last Friday and finished it on Tuesday.  I'm embarrassed to share this next part (due to my career choice) it's the longest novel I've ever read at 368 pages!  I know, I know.  It's not that I don't like to read, it's just that I HATE starting something new.  But, this book is SO good.  It's a trilogy and the 3rd one comes out in November.  It's called Matched.  The 2nd one is called Crossed (which I hope to start this weekend)  and I don't remember what the 3rd one is called.  It's about a Utopian society and... welll...just read the synopsis!  It's a great book!  I can't wait to read the other 2.
~Our Adi is 12 weeks old today.  Almost 3 months!  Can you believe it?  I'm still amazed that I thought I would be pregnant FOREVER.  She is just adorable.  She still won't sleep through the night but she is doing a lot better.  We are only up 2 times instead of 3 and Tuesday night, she only woke up once.  She still sleeps in a playpen beside the bed.  I'm doing good not to put her in bed with me but moving her to her own room is hard...
~I know I had more to say but can't think of it now :)

Hello!

I've never done this before but I'm linking up with Kelly this week.  My name is Melody.  I'm 30 years old, I have 2 beautiful baby girls.  Bailey is 4, Adilyn is 11 weeks.  I teach eighth grade English in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I'd love to make more friends.  I'd also love to make this post longer but my 4 year old is begging to play Doc McStuffins on disney.com :) 
Hope to hear from you soon!

Adilyn's first Easter

I have about a million and 1 things I have to get done this morning before my students arrive.  So, I will add captions to all of the pictures later.  But, these are for you, mom!  :)

                                                                       Mid-Sneeze, SO CUTE

                                                              The next 2 are my favorites :)

And how's mommy?

This is a post by me, about me. 
Today is my first day back to work.  I'm doing great.  But, lets rewind a little...

After Bailey was born, I had HORRIBLE PPD (post pardum depression).  I never got to the point that I wanted to end my life or end my baby's life.  But I was constantly crying and depressed.  It was a horrible time in my life.  And, it lasted OVER a year!  I called the doctor several times.  I finally changed doctors and she did put me on an anti-depressant.  My OB with Bailey refused to give me medicine and kept saying "if it continues, call me back."  After 6 months, I was beginning to wonder how much longer it needed to go on.  I had a new doctor this time.  I told her about my depression with Bailey and she started me on meds at 28 weeks pregnant.  However, I was a little worried about taking it so I didn't start it until 34 weeks.  It has been a LIFE-SAVER! 

Breast-feeding has been an issue.  Part of my problem with Bailey was that when I would breastfeed I would get ridiculously depressed.  Later, I discovered that this is a newly discovered disorder.  Some women release a hormone that causes severe depression while breast-feeding.  This, combined with the fact that I had no medication, was a HORRIBLE combination.  Also, I don't produce much milk.  Even now, with Adilyn, I only pump about an ounce per day.  When Adi was about 2 weeks old, I called the doctor and had her up my dose of anti-depressants b/c I was starting to feel panic attacks when I would breast-feed and was feeling violated.  However, things are great now.

Breast-feeding is great for 2 reasons.  1. it benefits my baby.  2. I have dropped 41 pounds since Adilyn was born.  I only gained 7 while pregnant which means I'm 34 pounds lighter than I was when I GOT pregnant!  It's an awesome feeling and most of my pre-preg clothes are loose!  I will continue to pump before work and after work as long as I can.  I'm on supplements and I've been trying to exercise but I just don't have a lot of milk.  I wanted to share this because I know that PPD is something so many women go through and you should not feel bad or guilty if you have to be put on medication!

That's all for now.  I'm doing well and think I am going to enjoy being back at work.  I have a great job that allows me to be home during the summer with my kiddos.  I feel like I have the best of both worlds :)

2,3,4 weeks and a birthday

I'm really behind on blogging.  I basically keep up with our life happenings on facebook.  This isn't actually a good idea because things are impossible to find on there after your page gets full.  Anyway, here are Adilyn's 2,3, and 4 week photos.

2 Weeks

3 weeks

4 weeks

She is really growing and changing.  We are SO in love with her!  She went to the doctor last Monday and weighed 9 pounds 3 oz.  She goes back on Monday so I will know how much she weighs again then.

Today is Zach's 32nd birthday. He was 25 when we got married and I can't believe he is 32 now and I am 30 and we have 2 beautiful little girls.  I love him so much and appreciate how much he has helped me with Adilyn.

Here are some pics I snapped of the girls last night and today :)

 Helping daddy blow out his birthday candles



 Loving her baby sister. 



1 week old

So far, this has been he easiest week with a newborn that I ever thought possible.  God really knows that this mama had enough stress with the pregnancy.  Adilyn is the best baby ever.  I was thinking this morning that I'm sure there will be days when she is not perfect but she and Bailey both have been SO SO wonderful the past week.  Memaw found out that Adilyn had no newborn dresses and fixed that!  Here is her 1 week pictures (or the 2 I have taken so far) :)

I would also like to say that as of this morning I am 24 pounds UNDER where I started when I GOT pregnant!  That is SUPER crazy to me but the weight just keeps falling off.  I know this is due to breastfeeding and the fact that I was SUPER swollen.  And I STILL can't get my wedding rings on :(  I'm really missing them since I had to stop wearing them at about 13 weeks due to swelling.  Same thing happened with Bailey.  However, take a look at my all-back-to-normal ankles!  I love my tiny ankles!

So happy for the first week with our little miracle.  For those of you who may not know, the doctor told me to abort her at about 6 weeks.  She said my pregnancy wasn't viable.  Can you imagine had I listened to her?  I am so so so very thankful for Adilyn Cate!

Adilyn's birth story

This is mostly for me, but I like reading birth stories so maybe someone else out there does too.  On Thursday morning, I woke up at 2 to go to the bathroom.  My stomach was really tight but I thought nothing of it because I'd been having contractions for 3 weeks.  But, when I sat on the toilet and after I finished going, I felt this HUGE gush of water.  I immediately knew what had just happened.  Thank goodness I took my cell phone to the bathroom with me because it wouldn't stop.  When my water broke with Bailey (also in the middle of the night) it was just a trickle and I didn't leak a lot until I got to the hospital.  Anyway, I picked up my phone to call my husband who was asleep in the bedroom but he didn't answer.  So, I immediately picked up the phone and called my mother-in-law to let her know she needed to come over, and fast!  As much water as I was losing, I thought for sure Adi was coming VERY soon!  Then, I'm still sitting on the toilet leaking water and grabbed an old towel from under the bathroom sink, stuck it between my legs, and waddled into the bedroom to wake Zach up.  I'm sure it was a beautiful sight!  Zach got in the shower (b/c his mom lives 25 minutes away) and I wandered around wondering how I was going to get clothes on?  I finally decided I was just going to have to put clothes on and sit on the towel until we got to the hospital.  When Zach's mom was almost here I told him I was going to the car, but alas, I had to walk out to the driveway first to vomit everywhere.  (By the way, it feels so good to not be throwing up every morning anymore:))  When we got to the hospital about 2:40 I had started having a  few contractions but nothing new to what I had been feeling.  They tried to put me in an exam room just to make sure it really was my water that broke.  Then, when the nurse realized I was soaking a towel she decided they would just admit me.  DUH!  Anyway, about 3:00 I told them I HAD to have some food.  Even if it was crackers.  They checked my blood sugar and it was a little high from vomiting and not eating so they did bring me 4 saltines... WOW!  HAHA.  Then, it was time to get an IV.  IV's are my worst nightmare.  I am more worried about them then the actual delivery.  This definitely was a nightmarish experience also. The nurse came in and assured me that IV's are her "thing" and I would be fine.  She grabs the biggest needle I have ever seen ... NO LIE and started trying to find a vein.  Then, she lost the vein, and had to start over.  It hurt SO bad.  So, the 2nd time she actually gets in the vein then blows it (I am still sporting a HUGE bruise from it) and had to pull it out. SO, she moved to my right arm (which I told her to use in the first place) and tried again with no luck.  I was REALLY in pain at this point.  So, she found the house supervisor and she came and put the IV right where I originally asked and we had no problems from then on.  They checked my cervix and I was still at a 3.  She said they would start pitocin closer to the time for the doctor to arrive.  So, I tried to rest but I had too much adrenaline.  They let me take some nausea medicine and I felt better.  At 6:30 they started me on a VERY slow drip of Pitocin.  About 7 I was in MAJOR pain. SUPER hard contractions and dilating fast.  The doctor came in and said I was at a 5.  I asked for some IV pain meds and it helped with the pain a little.  A few minutes later they checked me and I was a 6.  I received 2 doses of pain meds in my IV between 7 and 9 am.  She said once I got to an 8 I couldn't have any more.  At 9:45 the nurse checked me one last time and I screamed as she moved the last little lip of my cervix around Adi's head.  Then, I started pushing.  25 minutes later, I was holding an 8 pound 8 ounce little girl.  I will not lie, it was excruciating, but she was well worth it, born at 37 weeks 4 days.  We are so in love with her.  Bailey thinks she is just wonderful as well!

Par-Tay

Saturday we had my birthday party.  It was really fun.  It's very hard to find a Mario cake!  I wound up going to one of those video game stores close to our house and found the cake toppers.   They are not actually cake toppers but they worked just as well.  I spent too much money but it was worth it.  Then, I went to wa.l.m.art and found a plain cake and just had them write happy 30th birthday on it.  I know you are wondering why I bought my own cake... My husband was really sick.  He hardly got off the couch until about 4:30 (right before everyone showed up for the party).  Anyway, I took Bailey and we picked out the cake stuff.  The mushroom and ? box had candies in them so I let Bailey put some of them on the cake.  The figurines were 22 dollars!  (More than the cake, ha).  Here are some pictures.

                                                   We should have waited until I fixed my hair to take this.  Oh well!

Bailey and baby update

Bailey does NOT have a UTI.  I'm very glad but very irritated that I spent the money for a pointless doctor visit.  She loves to go to the doctor.  So, when she says she needs to go, we don't know if it's for real or not.  Next time she goes, she is getting 3 shots for school.  So... I don't think she will love it so much after that!

Now for an update on baby sister.  I had my last ultrasound yesterday.  I'm dilated to a 3 and thinning out.  The doctor said she is glad she's on call this weekend becuase she thinks she is going to see us.  So far, not much going on in the way of contractions.  I've even looked online to see how to induce labor safely, haha.  However, I'm not really willing to try any of those things.  Also, something fun, the doctor could see lots of hair on little sister's head yesterday.  I'm hoping for a curly blonde (like Zach and I were when we were little).  How Bailey wound up with dark straight hair, I don't know!  I guess it's not a huge surprise, Zach and I are both dark headed now but mine is WAY curly.  Adilyn weighed 6 pounds 10 oz at yesterday's ultrasound.  But, they say that can be a pound either way.  However, she weighed an estimated 5 pounds 2 oz at the last ultrasound so I do know she has gained at least 1 pound 8 oz over the past week and a half.  Hopefully she is born soon!  I am BEYOND ready!

I have arrived...

At 30!  When I was 18 I had no idea my life would be like this at 30!  I'm happy though!  I thought for sure I would have all of my babies by the time I was 25 (all 4 of them) and now, I am happy if we only have 2 and my last one is born when I am 30!  My little girl called and sang to me on my way to work and it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard!  My mom wants me to have this baby today but I'm pretty sure that is not going to happen!

Maternity photos

A teacher I work with is also a photographer.  She offered to do this session for FREE and gave me the pictures too!

                                                        This one is my favorite:

I lost it

So, I wasn't going to post this b/c it's gross.  But, this is my blog so that's ok.  I had "bloody show" yesterday.  I assume you mamas know what that is.  If not, you can look it up :).  It lasted several hours and I thought it was over.  But, just now I lost more mucous plug.  So, the on-call doctor says this means my cervix is getting soft.  They told me to stay home unless my water breaks or if I have consistant contractions every 3-5 minutes for over an hour.  We live really close to the hospital so that's good!  I'm only 36 weeks 1 day so she would be considered a preemie if she were born before Sunday.  But, I think if she comes on her own, she is probably going to be fine.  So, I sit here, playing the waiting game!

Also, please pray for Bailey.  She has a UTI (I think) and she has to get 3 shots.  I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow after work and I'm just devastated about it.  I asked them to call tonight if anyone cancels b/c I want to get this done before I have this baby!

It's about to happen!

I'm about to go into labor.  It might not be tonight, but I am pretty sure it is going to be VERY soon.  I hope I'm not wrong b/c I'm hurting a lot.  At the doctor yesterday, I was dilated to a 2 and I've been having so many contractions since she checked me.  But, I'm only going to be 36 weeks tomorrow so the doctor doesn't really want me to have her until next Sunday (which would kind of be cool because Bailey's birthday is Jan. 6, mine if Feb. 9 and Zach's is March 15.  If she were born next Sunday that is the 12th, lol)I'm so glad that I got a lot done today.  I bleached all of the kitchen countertops, I mopped the kitchen, did a load of laundry, (which really isn't necessary b/c my m-i-l does all of my laundry) got all of Bailey homemade valentines mailed, and bought some stuff to clean the carpets b/c the puppy just still has some accidents and I'm SICK of it!  My 30th birthday is next Thursday and Zach bought me an Android Tablet.  I really like it but I think Bailey has so-far gotten more use out of it than I have, lol.  Today he bought me a pair of super mario pajama pants and a pair of house shoes.  I am having a Super Mario Bro's themed birthday party next weekend (assuming we are not having a baby) :).  Bailey isn't feeling super great :(.  I think it's just sinus pressure.  I've been giving her zyrtec and today I took her to McDonalds to play in the play area for TWO hours!  Yes, I spent 2 hours watching my child play at McDonalds!  But, I know she is not going to be the only one for much longer.  Anyway, that's all I know.

Making Valentines

My SD card was full and would only let me take 2 pictures but we made Valentines last night and Bailey had a lot of fun.  She is getting good at writing her name (but she doesn't always put all of the letters in the right order) and she really liked kissing the cards with her red lipstick!

So Sleepy

My Bailey doesn't want to nap anymore.  She's 4 so it's not like this is a huge deal.  But she has always taken an afternoon nap.  However, the past week, she is NOT interested!  We have been going to bed a little earlier at night because of this and because at 35 weeks pregnant, by 8:30 I'm about to fall over!  I hope this is just a phase becuase when sister comes, I will want to nap!  2 other things about this sleepy issue: 1. I take phenogren almost every day for nausea.  It really drains me.  I didn't have to take any yesterday but I had to take 1/2 of one this morning and I'm having trouble staying awake at work.  Luckily, my students are working on an assignment that we started yesterday and they are working away without much assistance from me.  2. Bailey is starting pre-k in the fall and they have an hour rest.  I'm not too concerned b/c she has NEVER been on a good schedule and I think once she is, she will need that hour nap during the day.

And on a totally different topic:
I went to Burger.King this morning for breakfast (I HATE their burgers but I love their breakfast sandwiches).  The delivery truck was there and he couldn't get between my car and the car behind me (b/c BK is literally the SLOWEST place on Earth, the cars were piling up).  So, he knocked on my back window and motioned me to inch up a little so that he could get by... which I did.  So, he proceeds to move the dolly between my car and the car behind me and totally rams into the back of my car.  I jumped out to check the damage and didn't see any.  Still, Zach is not happy and filed a complaint with them.  So, we'll see what happens.