Moving along, slowly

I say slowly because I am SO nauseated most of the time. I have another ultrasound on Monday and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm sure baby is fine considering how miserable I am most of the time. I feel very bad for my husband because I know he feels very neglected but I just have NO desire to do anything physical. I feel bad because last time I was pregnant was completely opposite. I think part of the issue is that I worry I will start bleeding again. It's been 3 days since I had any bleeding and for that, I am VERY thankful. I hope to have a REAL set due date on Monday but for now, I will go with what the ER told us on Saturday and that is that the baby is due March 3rd which makes me 8 weeks today. I honestly think I'm 9 weeks but Bailey was 11 days early so when you get to the end I don't really think it matters that much. As far as cravings go, ALL I want to eat is tomato based stuff. Salsa, Ravioli, spaghetti, enchiladas with red sauce, you get the idea. I also really like biscuits with butter and strawberry jelly. I get frustrated because I will feel like I'm STARVING and then I can only eat a very small amount. I guess that's good for not gaining too much weight, haha! I am also SO sluggish. Sometimes, getting off the couch is a chore! I HATE my house to be messy. I hate it so much that if Bailey plays in her playroom (which is a completely open room attached to our livingroom) and she makes a mess, she freaks out telling me to clean it. I didn't mean to turn her into that. She DOES play with her toys and she likes to do so but if she makes a mess she wants it cleaned up. So, it's really hard for me to let things go. I had dishes in my sink for 2 days because I had no energy to clean them up. And, Zach helps too but he's not nearly as anal as I am so I am learning that with 2 children I am just going to have to let some things go. I love all of you for your support and kind words. Thanks for always being there for me!

News

And it's good!
I am very tired right now and don't have a lot of energy to type out a long blog. You all have been so nice and helpful through all of this so I wanted to give you an update. We traveled to Arkansas this weekend to visit my family. On Friday morning before we left I came down with HORRIBLE ear pain. I thought I would just deal with it but by Saturday night I was MISERABLE and Zach had to take me to the ER. My co-pay is the same at the ER and my insurance is pretty good so I didn't mind going. While we were there they did an ultrasound b/c I told them all about the doctor not finding a fetus or heartbeat, etc... The ultrasound showed that our little bean has a heartbeat of 155-157 bpm and appears to be fine. They did say that the yolk sac is oblong and not round and that could be concerning but doesn't mean it is definitely concerning. So I am just thanking God for his promises and that our baby is safe! Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers!

Dreaded news

Yesterday, my doctor called. I should have known something was going on when she called instead of the nurse. I told you all on Tuesday that at the ultrasound, the doctor couldn't find the baby. All she saw was a gestational sac. Well, yesterday she called with my 5th quant numbers and said they are still rising. Now they are at 37000. However, she said that b/c she couldn't see the fetal pole at the ultrasound and b/c my quant is not doubling every 48 hours, she does not think this is a viable pregnancy. I DO NOT believe that! Until this baby comes out of me, whether that is in 3 days, 2 weeks, or 7 months, I have to believe that God gave us this baby and I have to take care of it. Of course, I am concerned and sad. But, I also feel such a peace about this. I know that God has plans and I feel like this baby is really ok and going to be our little miracle. I just ask that you please pray. Pray for continued peace and pray for our little baby to grow! And, I really don't want ANY negative words spoken over this pregnancy so please don't comment if you just want to say you are sorry or that "maybe it's for the best" It is NEVER for the best to lose a baby. I appreciate all of your comments and prayers!

First U/S not so good

Well, it looks like I am 6 weeks 2 days AGAIN (or I was a week off on my calculations). Dr. B-W couldn't even see the baby. She did find a big cyst which she said is what is supposed to be releasing progesterone until the placenta takes over. She also saw a little "bubble" looking thing that she didn't call a sak but I'm assuming that's what it was. But she couldn't see anything that resembled a fetus or a heartbeat. She said this doesn't mean I'm not pregnant (and my preg. test came bac positive again). But she did want to do repeat blood work. So, I had ANOTHER HcG done today. Yes, that's 4 now! And she did another progesterone check. She said she would call back today if she had the results but I never heard anything so I will have to call in the morning. In my heart, I feel like this baby is ok and that I was just a week off. But my mind says something must be wrong for her not to even be able to see ANYTHING. My husband is very upset especially since we expected to see something and we've wanted this for a long time. But, I KNOW God put this baby inside of me and he will protect him/her. I just wish this pregnancy wasn't so hard already. I do definitely feel pregnant but so much can happen during a pregnancy and we couldn't get back into the doctor until July 29!!!! That's FOREVER away. :(

Happy

I am happy to report that baby Estes is doing fine. I had some bleeding last night and since I have low progesterone, I called the on-call doctor. She told me to go to the doctor this morning or to go to the ER last night. I really didn't want to go to the ER b/c I figured if something really were wrong they couldn't do anything anyway. So, I called my doctor this morning who ordered more blood work. It came back just fine. HcG is now at 10,502. They also moved my appointment to Tuesday. Hopefully I can share a picture with you then.

6 weeks 2 days

Today I am six weeks and 2 days pregnant... I think. HA!
I have NO symptoms AT ALL! I guess I am hungry pretty often and pretty tired but other than that I feel NOTHING. I worry a little No, I worry A LOT! that something has happened to the baby. I know it's crazy to think that way when God has given us this little blessing. I just keep going back to the letter I received from my grandparents back in February when my grandpa said "by this time next year, you will have another baby." My first Beta at 5 weeks 1 day came back at 691. My 2nd beta at 5 weeks 3 days came back at 1800. So, my HcG is great. (or was a week ago). My progesterone was only 8.9 and needed to be 15. I cried and cried. They put me on a progesterone pill and I have felt great ever since I've been on it. I go to the doctor on July 20th and 8 weeks 1 day and I CANNOT wait for that day to get here! Please pray for a healthy baby! I don't know why I'm so nervous.

I have a secret

Can you guess what it is?