I miss you because...

Adilyn started crawling this week.  I took a video, I wanted to show you.

Bailey turned 5 this month.  Overnight, she really changed.  She now refers to everything she wants as "I'm 5 now, I can do it."  She tells me funny stories EVERY day.  I wish I could tell you.

Mom is sad, Sheri is sad, Monica is sad.  We're all really sad.  If you were here, we wouldn't be sad.

You used to send me text messages that sometimes didn't even make sense. But I loved them.

You prayed for me, with me, for my family.

You told me I was your favorite.  I know you told Sheri and Monica too, but still, you told me.

Your marriage was rocky, for 30 years!  The last 2 were wonderful. It's not fair.

I don't know how to grieve.  I don't know what to say to people when they ask how I'm doing.  Because, I really don't know how I'm doing.

I miss you because...

I love you still!  We shouldn't have to lose people we love.

I would be happy if...

1. My dad didn't die 3 weeks ago!  I know most of you know that this happened.  Most of you don't know what happened.  On November 28th, my mom went home for lunch.  My dad had just gotten out of the rehab hospital on Monday.  He had had an infection from his knee replacement surgery and had been in a Rehab hospital for 44 days.  The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the doctors had re-replaced his knee and things were great.  He was finally well.  Monday, November 26th they brought him home from the hospital.  My mom even video taped it.  His little Shih Tzu, Jack was SO happy to see him.  He ran in circles around my dad and was just thrilled to have his best friend home.  But, on Wednesday, my mom came home for lunch and brought my dad a sandwich from Subway, when she opened the door and turned the corner, she found him, dead, in his recliner.  Because he was alone at home, the police had to do an investigation.  He fell asleep around 8:30 in the morning (we know b/c my mom talked to him right before that and then sent him a text message (which he never got, b/c he was DEAD).  She sent the message at 8:32.  He never got it.  Dead, I can't believe this has happened!  Why did it happen?  He fell asleep, had a heart attack, never woke up.  I'm angry!  VERY VERY angry.  Not turning my back on God and not mad at daddy for dying but VERY angry that we are dealing with this.

2. My husband would let me plan my daughter's birthday party and just show up when I tell him to.  Instead, I try to plan things, that's not what he wants so we have to fight about it.  It costs $30 bucks to have a party at McDonalds.  Her friends could come, the family could come, I don't have to have a party at my house, I bring gifts, they clean up, done, end of story, we bring the gifts home, everyone's happy.  But, at my house, it just doesn't work that way.  He wants to have a family party at home and then let her have a party with her friends.  I don't understand but then I guess if I had it my way, he wouldn't have it his way.  Either way, one of us is upset.  May as well be me.

3. Jesus would come back and just rescue me from my misery.  I ADORE my children and my husband.  I want to live a long life with them.  But, there is a small part of me that just wants to die and end the suffering.  I long for the rapture!  I want my daddy!  I want to be happy, I don't want to worry about sending my baby to school and hope she comes back safely.  I don't want to worry about my house payment, my bills, and so forth.

4. We didn't have to go into debt for Christmas gifts.  I HATE CHRISTMAS as it is today.  I hate buying expensive gifts b/c that's what you are "supposed" to do. 

Basically, I'm just not happy right now.

All about Adilyn Cate

My baby is getting so big!  I haven't blogged in forever because I just don't see the need since I have facebook.  But, maybe one or two people who read this haven't seen my facebook. :)  Adilyn will be 8 months old on the 16th.  She sits up very well on her own, she says dada and mama ALL DAY LONG.  Just Sunday night she started sleeping better.  She had been waking up 3 times per night!  She weighs about 23 pounds and wears 9 month clothes. But, her thighs are HUGE!  She needs a 12-18 month in pants b/c her legs are so chunky.  She LOVES her walker and she absolutely ADORES her sister!  Bailey is definitely her favorite person (next to mama).  When Bailey gets home from school, Adilyn is so so excited to see her.  We had some pictures taken as Se.ar.s a few weeks ago and they turned out SO cute!

 And, I know this is titled All about Adilyn Cate, but my big girl started school in August and I just love how much she is learning and all the funny things she tells us!  I LOVE my girls!

4 months old! (6/16)

Adilyn Cate, you are 4 months old!  You weigh about 17.5 pounds.  You wear  3-6 month clothes and a size 1/2 diaper.  I opened a bag of 2's last night.  They are a tiny bit big but not a lot.  You are happy most of the time but you have a lot of tummy issues.  You take 2 grams of Miralax once a day.   You sleep pretty well.  Usually you are down between 7 and 8 and wake up once or twice a night.  You wake up very happy.  You drink about 4 oz of milk every 3 hours.  You also eat a small jar of baby applesauce around 5-6PM every day.  You LOVE applesauce and can't wait for your next bite.  You probably will start on veggies sometime in the next few weeks.  You go to the doctor on Tuesday and I will find out exactly how much you weigh and how long you are.  We could not be happier to have you.  You fuss when you are tired and you like to have mommy hold you close with your paci.  You LOVE your pacifier!  Once you get sleepy, mommy can put you in your playpen and you put yourself to sleep.  I really need to move you to your bed but I just haven't been able to do it yet.  I love you Adilyn!  I love you more than you will ever know!

Being a girl mama

Is pretty much the best thing EVER!
Yesterday, I took the girls to the splash pad.  Adi had to stay in her stroller with a towel over her.  I wet a onesie to keep her cool.  I didn't put it on her!  I just used it to wipe her face, hands, and feet.  She was so happy the whole time.  I am extremely grateful for that.  Monday she got VERY sick.  If she was awake, she was screaming.  I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and found out she has a pretty nasty ear infection.  She was also terribly constipated despite all of the karo syrup and juice.  FINALLY, Wednesday morning, she filled 2 diapers... oh how we love when our babies poop as mamas of infants. :)  By last night, she was pretty much back to her happy smiling self.  She's now had 5 doses of antibiotics and it really seems to be helping.

Bailey is a challenge these days but she is OH SO SWEET when she wants to be.  She absolutely ADORES Adilyn and is such a good big sister.  Of course, I didn't take the camera to the splash pad yesterday, but there will be MANY more opportunities to go this summer.

Yesterday, I was bored and decided to look at Halloween costumes for the girls.  If I can find something inexpensive enough, I think Bailey will be Doc McStuffins and Adilyn will be Lambie.  If you haven't seen this cartoon, it's just adorable and Bailey's new favorite.  I am NOT a fan of Halloween but now that I have 2 girls I want to dress them alike or "themed" :).

OK, here is a collage of what I looked like before I got pregnant with Adi, and the pictures in green are from a couple weekends ago. 

We have 3 days of school left and I CANNOT wait. 

I hope you all have a great summer. 

A few thoughts...

~ I hate the new blogger lay-out.  If anyone knows how to find the dashboard, PLEASE share.  I can't figure out how to find the blogs I follow.
~I finished a novel this week.  I started it last Friday and finished it on Tuesday.  I'm embarrassed to share this next part (due to my career choice) it's the longest novel I've ever read at 368 pages!  I know, I know.  It's not that I don't like to read, it's just that I HATE starting something new.  But, this book is SO good.  It's a trilogy and the 3rd one comes out in November.  It's called Matched.  The 2nd one is called Crossed (which I hope to start this weekend)  and I don't remember what the 3rd one is called.  It's about a Utopian society and... welll...just read the synopsis!  It's a great book!  I can't wait to read the other 2.
~Our Adi is 12 weeks old today.  Almost 3 months!  Can you believe it?  I'm still amazed that I thought I would be pregnant FOREVER.  She is just adorable.  She still won't sleep through the night but she is doing a lot better.  We are only up 2 times instead of 3 and Tuesday night, she only woke up once.  She still sleeps in a playpen beside the bed.  I'm doing good not to put her in bed with me but moving her to her own room is hard...
~I know I had more to say but can't think of it now :)

Hello!

I've never done this before but I'm linking up with Kelly this week.  My name is Melody.  I'm 30 years old, I have 2 beautiful baby girls.  Bailey is 4, Adilyn is 11 weeks.  I teach eighth grade English in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I'd love to make more friends.  I'd also love to make this post longer but my 4 year old is begging to play Doc McStuffins on disney.com :) 
Hope to hear from you soon!