Estes Family of 4

So Sleepy

2012-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

My Bailey doesn't want to nap anymore. She's 4 so it's not like this is a huge deal. But she has always taken an afternoon nap. However, the past week, she is NOT interested! We have been going to bed a little earlier at night because of this and because at 35 weeks pregnant, by 8:30 I'm about to fall over! I hope this is just a phase becuase when sister comes, I will want to nap! 2 other things about this sleepy issue: 1. I take phenogren almost every day for nausea. It really drains me. I didn't have to take any yesterday but I had to take 1/2 of one this morning and I'm having trouble staying awake at work. Luckily, my students are working on an assignment that we started yesterday and they are working away without much assistance from me. 2. Bailey is starting pre-k in the fall and they have an hour rest. I'm not too concerned b/c she has NEVER been on a good schedule and I think once she is, she will need that hour nap during the day.

And on a totally different topic:
I went to Burger.King this morning for breakfast (I HATE their burgers but I love their breakfast sandwiches). The delivery truck was there and he couldn't get between my car and the car behind me (b/c BK is literally the SLOWEST place on Earth, the cars were piling up). So, he knocked on my back window and motioned me to inch up a little so that he could get by... which I did. So, he proceeds to move the dolly between my car and the car behind me and totally rams into the back of my car. I jumped out to check the damage and didn't see any. Still, Zach is not happy and filed a complaint with them. So, we'll see what happens.

I heart her dimple!

2012-01-30T08:06:00.000-08:00

Friday Appt.

2012-01-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

Since I am diabetic, I have to have a non-stress test done every Friday until baby comes. Note to self: DON'T WEAR A DRESS! I had to raise my dress up to my boobs for the nurs to attach the bands to my belly. Baby girl did well and appears not to be under any stress. I gained another pound so I'm up 4. However, I did drink 120 oz on Friday before my appt. I don't know if it's the nausea or the diabetes, but I'm thirsty all the time. Anyway, the doctor was pleased with my weight gain. I have another non-stress on Friday and then the following week, another ultrasound. Hubby is also having a baby shower at his school. They aren't doing the whole sit-in-a-pink-decorated-room-and-open-frilly-gifts though :) They are taking him to dinner and bringing diapers (which is SO OK with me). Anyway, I will be 35 weeks tomorrow and the doctor says that if I go into labor on my own any time from 35 weeks on, we should be fine!

34.2

2012-01-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

According to yesterday's ultrasound, Adilyn weighs 5 pounds 2 oz. IF she were to gain a pound per week until I reach 39 weeks, she would weigh 10 pounds! However, I will have another ultrasound at 36 weeks and the doctor says if she is getting big, we will induce around 38 weeks :). I don't really look as big as I feel like I look. I'm hoping I've lost enough weight that I will look better when I'm done than when I started. I have another dr appt on Friday so we'll see how much I've gained! So far, 3 pounds...

Also, I am not sure why all of my pictures of this bathroom look lime. My shirt is lime green, the bathroom is mint!

When will it happen?

2012-01-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

I find myself wondering what is going to happen as I near the end of this pregnancy. And the big question is WHEN? I have this horrifying feeling that I will be pregnant until I'm induced sometime around Feb. 25. That doesn't seem so far away, does it? I mean, it's only a month! Today, I am 40 days away from my original due date! But, we already know that's not going to happen since I have gestational diabetes. So, at most, I am going to be pregnant another 33 days. So, I sit here, wondering WHEN this baby is going to decide to come. Ideally, she needs to wait until Feb. 12. That puts me right at 37 weeks when she should be safe to enter the world. And, honestly, I am MISERABLE and would love nothing more than for this to be sooner rather than later. But, still, I fear it will be 33 days before the girl arrives. I know that the only thing that matters is that she is healthy! And after it's all over, I will not care how sick I am right now. But right now, I am having a hard time focusing on that.

Dear Adilyn,

2012-01-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

We are going to meet you in a few short weeks (or, mommy is hoping they are short and go by WAY too fast)! I think about you all the time and wonder if you will look like your sister or if you will look more like me or daddy. I can hardly wait to lay eyes on you. I know that the moment you are laid on my chest, the world will seem perfect. Your sister can't wait to meet you either. She talks to you and about you all the time. She's a little jealous if we buy something for you (even if it's bottles) and we don't get something for her. We are working on that. I told daddy last night that it is going to be so fun when you are old enough to recognize Bailey and laugh at all the funny things she does. I hope the two of you really love each other! She is going to be a great sister and I am so thankful that God blessed us with you so that Bailey can have someone to play with! Your daddy thinks that he might like to have a boy someday (and I might too) but there is nothing sweeter than a daddy who is smitten over his girls and that's how your daddy is! He can't wait to meet you either! You have SO many people who already love you so much. Your Memaw Debbie is just about to go crazy waiting for you to get here. She wants to buy you things EVERY time she goes to the store, just like she does with your sister. On Monday we are going to go to the hospital to get another look at you. I'm really excited to see how much you've grown! Here are a couple things I hope for you: 1. PLEASE be a good sleeper! Your sister did not sleep all night long until she was 2 and a half! Can you believe that? 2. I know you are going to be a sweet sweet baby and I'm afraid I will never want to put you down! 3. For the next few weeks, could we please lay-off the contractions? They are really starting to hurt! I expect that when it's time for you to come, but until then... OUCH!
Oh Adilyn, we have so many plans for you! We waited a long time for you and just can't wait until you get here, healthy and happy!

Love,
Mommy

1 month!!!!

2012-01-12T06:46:00.000-08:00

One month from today, February 12, I will be FULL TERM! YAY! I don't think the baby is actually going to come on Feb. 12 but at least I know we are getting closer. This week has been DRAGGING on for freaking ever! I hope that the next few weeks do not drag on! But, I got some Phenogren and some Zofran last night and I have not been nauseated since! I will say, the phenogren knocked me flat out last night! FLAT OUT! I slept pretty well and feel a little groggy this morning but other than that, I feel great (which is something I have not said in a LONG time). I'm still having some nerve pain in my right leg but that just comes with the pregnancy. I can't wait to meet out little girl in about 6 weeks!

What a strange, strange 7 months!

2012-01-11T07:13:00.000-08:00

Last night I told Zach of 2 things I am thankful for (not the only 2 things of course). 1. I am thankful that I was able to experience a completely blissful pregnancy with Bailey. 2. I am thankful that even though I am 90% miserable most of the time, I am thankful to be given the gift of another pregnancy and Baby Adilyn.

My pregnancy with Bailey was so easy it was borning (I'm extremely thankful for that after going through this one). The most scary thing that happened was I stepped on a staple that had fallen out of the house from our Christmas lights, and I had to get a tetanus shot. No big deal.

This past 7 months has been a WHIRLWIND of experiences.
1st, around the time I should have started my period (actually the day I should have started) I did. Or, I thought I did. I was in Oklahoma City at a teacher training and I started bleeding. So, of course, I assumed I was not pregnant. But it was different. It would start for a couple hours and then slowly fade to nothing. This went on for a week! When I got home from teh 2 day workshop, Zach just had this weird feeling I was pregnant and had me take a test (even though I told him I had started bleeding). The test was positive but it honestly looked weird. It was a dollar tree test and the line was diagonal (not straight) and it looked like it had just bled over from the test line. So, I disregarded it. A week later, on June 28th, I took another test. It was positive too. This time, though, it was a normal looking positive and I still disregarded it. (What was I thinking)? So, I ran to wal-mart and bought 3 more tests... the good kind. Within 10 seconds I had a dark pink line. I was shocked. I stood in the bathroom and cried for a minute. Then, I took the test out to the living room and showed it to Zach. He was completely calm and acted like he never doubted it.

Then, the scary stuff started. I knew it wasn't normal for me to be bleeding on and off. But, I wasn't too worried b/c I kept taking tests and they were positive. But the morning after I finally believed I was really pregnant I called the doctor and went in for blood work. That's when I found out my progesterone was low... way low... miscarriage low. I immediately started progesterone pills (which are not cheap by the way). And a week later, we went in for an ultrasound where we saw an empty sac. I was DEVASTATED. More blood work and a phone call later, the doctor said my pregnancy wasn't viable and I needed to have a D &C. She said "You can just try again." REALLY! Try again! Do you know how long it took me to get pregnant? So, I cried, I went to bed and cried and prayed. An hour later I knew things were ok. I just felt like God said, "I gave you this baby, he/she will be fine!" That same weekend we were in Arkansas visiting my parents and Zach had to take me to the ER for an ear infection. They also did an ultrasound and told me that my baby had a heartbeat! I was beyond thrilled. But, all of those scary things really affected us in a negative way. We have worried about this baby ever since then!

Yesterday, I spent the day in Labor/Delivery getting monitored. My blood pressure was acting weird and my sugar was high. After 3 hours they sent us home telling me I was dehydrated and not eating enough b/c I have Ketones in my urine (which means I'm hungry). But, I'm SO nauseated ALL the time that I can hardly keep any food down. This morning I called to get some anti-nausea pills. I'm so worried about my blood sugar staying normal. My back constantly hurts, I'm uncomfortable, and I keep throwing up! And still, I am overjoyed to tears that in less than 6 weeks, our little girl will be in our arms!

Happy 4th Birthday

2012-01-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

Today, our baby turns 4! Four years seems like SO long and yet I feel like she was just born. She has grown from a tiny little 7 pound 8 ounce, jaundiced, bald, baby, to a beautiful long-haired, hilarious, smart little girl. I honestly don't remember much of our life without her! She definitely made things brighter, happier, funnier and I can't begin to tell you the love I have for her. She is NOT perfect and she has her ugly moments. But, she is mine, and we love her more than life! She is the most beautiful little girl God could have given us. I feel so blessed to be her mommy.

We love you Bailey, Happy birthday!

quick update

2012-01-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

I am miserable! I am EXTREMELY grateful for this baby growing inside me! I prayed for her and have wanted her for a long time! I dreamed about her before I ever got pregnant. So what I am about to say is not in complaint of having another baby. But, I am completely miserable! I had the easiest pregnancy with Bailey. I was never sick (maybe 4 times total). I was well rested, I slept well until the end, and I had no aches and pains. However, when they did my epidural with Bailey they did some permanent damage to my back. So, this time, things have not been easy. Baby is really pressing on my sciatic nerve (sp) and I've started having some intense contractions and a lot of swelling. So far, my sugar is under control. But physically, I am BEAT! I don't want Adilyn to come before Feb. 12! That is when I am officially full term (or 37 weeks). But, honestly, I don't know how I am going to manage this pain for the next 5 weeks!

just a few things...

2011-12-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I send an e-mail to my mom and sister with the subject "Just a Few Things..." They are usually really funny. I put things Bailey has said or funny things from the week. This is just going to be a few things from the last few weeks:

*Went to the OB yesterday. Everything is great so far. I'm technically 30 weeks 5 days (as of today). Adilyn Cate is measuring 34 weeks. However, I am not a skinny thing so the doctor says that 1 cm of that is probably just my extra belly weight. Either way, she is measuring 3 weeks ahead.

*Bailey is getting VERY excited to meet her baby sister. I just hope she is still excited when she actually gets here! If you ask her what her sister's name is, she practically yells "ADILYN CATE!" I said, "what if we just call her Adilyn? Or what if we call her Adi?" NO MAMA, HER NAME IS ADILYN CATE!
So, I guess (at least as far as big sister goes) she will be Adilyn Cate. And, I'm sure she will get onto you if you call her otherwise.

*My dad wound up back in the hospital on Dec. 23rd. It was VERY scary! Luckily, he was having a reaction to some medication and he is just fine. But, over the last 3 Christmas's we have had 3 deaths, one almost fatal car accident (of my grandpa), and a trip to the ER with Bailey where they told her her heart was in the wrong place (they were wrong but it was still scary). So, every time we get a call around Christmas time telling us somthing could potentially be wrong, we get very nervous.

*We visited my parents for Christmas and it was LOTS of fun. We took Bailey to the square in Fayettevill and took her to Fun City. It was a BLAST! Very inexpensive and the whole family got to play.

*I'm WAAAAAY excited to watch this year's (or next years 2012) Rose Bowl Parade. My sister is in the Siloam Springs Band and they will be marching. So, if you watch, look for the brunette with the sleigh bells. :) They will all look the same but you can still pretend you saw her. I'm so excited! We have always had a good band and when I was in school we went to the Citrus Bowl Parade. It was fun b/c that happened to be the year that the Razorbacks went to the Citrus Bowl and the Razorback band paid for our entire band to attend the game. So, I'm SUPER pumped to watch Monica on Monday!

*My 34 week ultrasound (a perk of having gestational diabetes is an extra ultrasound) will be on January 23. This will help us get an estimate on how big Adi is. (Side-note, I am not super fond of the name Adi but I'm sure she will be called that so I am preparing myself, I do love Adilyn though) :). I will have another ultrasound at 36 weeks with my doctor just to see how things are going. Yesterday, she said I am at greater risk of having a still birth b/c of my gestational diabetes. But, I am not worried. I had GD with Bailey and controlled it with diet (like I am now) and she was fine. Doctor said that normally there aren't complications and when there are it is normally with patients who are on insulin. I guess I have pregnant brain b/c total I had gained 5 pounds my entire pregnancy. I thought it was 2. Anyway, I had lost 4 at yesterday's appointment which puts me at a total gain of 1 pound! I know there are still several weeks to put on a few pounds but I'm happy with her gaining and me not!

Here are a few (but not many b/c we used my moms camera for the weekend) pictures from the last few days:

Ticker

2011-12-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

I updated the ticker at the top of my page. I had it set with Shamrocks for our "March" baby. But... yesterday, the OB said that because I am diabetic they will have to induce at 39 weeks. I posted to facebook that she moved my due date up a week. I guess technically that's not true. She isn't moving my actual due date she just said she won't let me go past 39 weeks. So, I just changed the ticker to show that she will definitely be here by then. :)

Baby is measuring 30 weeks. I'm very strict and good on my diet. I had to take my glucose chart yesterday and she was very pleased with my numbers. She told me that she expects me to eat cake on my 30th birthday in February, haha. My last 2 appointments were in the morning so I didn't eat before I went. Originally, between months 2-4 I gained 5 pounds. But, every appointment after that I had lost weight. So, until yesterday, I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Yesterday, my appointment was at 4. Obviously I couldn't go all day without eating! I am now up 2 pounds since I got pregnant but my next appointment is in the morning so I imagine those will vanish :) She said baby and water weighs at least 5 pounds by now so in reality, I have lost a few pounds. All in all, things are good! I feel a lot of pressure which she said is normal for a 2nd pregnancy. It's getting closer and I cannot wait to meet this little girl!

28 weeks

2011-12-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

Decided not to dress in black... I think I like black better! NO, I KNOW I like black better! I go to the doctor tomorrow so we shall see if the weight loss continues or ends. :( I'm gonna say it's probably ended. My last 2-3 appointments have been in the morning and I don't eat first, lol. Tomorrow's appointment is at 4 and I KNOW I cannot go all day without eating. But still, not expecting an 8 pound gain or anything :)

In Exactly One Month

2011-12-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

Our baby will be 4! I can hardly believe it. Every year, I write her a special poem for her birthday and include it with her invitation. I just finished it today. I'm SO SO SO SO thankful that I have done this since her 1st birthday. I hope that she will cherish them for many years. I wasn't going to put them all here, because I thought I had them all blogged but, I don't. So... In order from 1-4, here are her poems. I hope that I can keep this up for baby sister as well. (and I had to re-type 2 of the 4 so there are probably some typos) :)

First Birthday:
For many months we prayed and prayed
And wondered and hoped until she came

The day she was born was the happiest of all

For mommy and daddy, we were in awe

And through the months we’ve laughed and played

And thanked God every SINGLE day

For our blessing from above

We never knew there was such love

And now our baby crawls and grooves

It’s oh so fun to watch her moves

A tiny baby, she is no more

The toddler years we are in for

Our little one is the most precious thing

And happiness she will always bring

So, please join us at her party so fun

For Bailey Grace is turning ONE!!

And the invite:

For birthday's 2-3 we just had regular invites but here are the poems:

2:
In January,
Two-thousand Eight
Our sweet baby girl
Made our lives great!

In January,
Two-Thousand Nine
We wondered
Where had gone the time?

Our baby girl
Was turning one
And we thought it
Was oh so fun!

But time kept going
It did not stop
She learned to walk
And talk, A lot!

She's learned to sing
And learned to dance
There is nothing cuter
Than watching her prance

Time really does fly
When we're having fun
Our sweet little girl
Reminds me of the sun

So bright and sweet
And full of joy
Remind me again
why I wanted a boy?

So here we are,
Two-Thousand Ten
It's time for Bailey's Birthday
AGAIN!

We hope you join us
She'd love to see you!
For Princess Bailey
Is turning 2!

3:
When you were born,
We loved you so
Your giggles and coos
we didn't know

That as you grew
We'd love you even more
Our precious bay girl
The one we adore.

And when you were two
OH MY! We thought
Those cabinet doors,
They got their locks!

At two you learned
That nothing was too tall,
Nothing was to big, and you were NOT too small!

And even then,
We loved you more
As we continued to
All the hallways and floors.

And now that you're three
and we're watching you grow
There is one more thing,
We want you to know!

We feel so blessed
to be our Father and Mother
Even when,
You are covered, In BUTTER!

And here is year 4 that I completed today:

Being 4

Was it not yesterday I held you,

For the very first time?

And I could hardly believe

You are actually mine.

When mommy and daddy looked at you,

Our lives changed forever.

No one could ever take your place,

Not now, and surely not ever

Turning 4 brings lots of things!

A great big year for you!

This year you’ll become a sister!

And then you’ll start school, too!

And though you’re more than ready,

To start Pre-K this year,

There is one thing you need to know

Clothes, to school, you must wear!

We are oh so proud of you,

And love to watch you grow.

You’re my favorite big girl, Bailey Grace

This, I want you to know!

96

2011-11-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

There are 96 days left until baby Estes is due. I assume she will come a bit early but who knows? I feel like I haven't blogged in forever but I guess it's only been 2 weeks (easy to tell when you post pregnancy updates, lol). There's not really a lot going on. I'm really uncomfortable and I know it's just getting worse. School is really hard right now. I don't know if it's just me being emotional or if something is really weird here. Anyway, I'll be glad when the baby is born and I can have a few weeks off. And at this point a few is about it. A couple weeks ago, my dad had emergency open-heart surgery. It was pretty scary but he is ok now. And, I had to take a day off to have my 3 hour glucose test. I'm trying so hard to keep my sugar down and most days I do pretty well. At my OB appointment last Wednesday I had lost another pound! I'm trying not to be overly thrilled b/c originally I gained 5 and now I've lost it so I just weigh what I did when I got pregnant but I still have 3 months to put some pounds on, lol. Though, on Saturday, I start my 6th month. During my 5th month with Bailey I gained 8 pounds so I'm glad that is not happening (yet anyway). :)

24 weeks and pictures

2011-11-14T06:45:00.000-08:00

24 weeks 1 day :)

Bailey broke the mirror so I had to turn it upside down and of course, that's the dirty side. And I always forget not to wear black but it's SO hot today I don't want to wear long sleeves!

Sister, wasn't having the best time at the shower so Memaw Janet (my mom) told her a story to calm her down before she could open her "big sister" present.

I am SO Swollen but at least my girl is adorable (as usual) :)

She is SUCH a poser!

And this is Zach's cousin's wife. She is about 5 weeks farther along than me. Her mom made some comment as SOON as she walked in the door that I MUST be due any day since Kandi is due in January. She was MORTIFIED when I told her I wasn't due until March 4. It really doesn't bother me, honestly. I got big fast with both of my babies and my mom did too. Bailey was a perfect size and even if this one is bigger, it's just one of those things. And, as you can see, Kandi is only a foot taller than me!

Viability and a baby shower

2011-11-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I promise to post pictures later. I have been sick most of the day. Head colds are NO fun and I have given this baby as much medicine as I feel comfortable with today. I have finally reached viability. I DEFINITELY want this little girl to stay put for several more weeks, but I am so happy that I have finally reached viability!

Also, Zach's family threw us a nice shower today and I got lots of cute things (and lots of stuff I don't need, lol) but it was fun and I feel so blessed.

Sunday

2011-11-11T10:19:00.001-08:00

I have a fun post coming up Sunday! Wish I could post it now but I don't have pictures now :)

Wedding princess

2011-11-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

My little girl is growing up TOO fast! I love her to pieces!

E-mail

2011-10-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

I got these in an E-mail today! SO FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

A foot

2011-10-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

I have to document this so that I don't forget (also, I have an ultrasound this afternoon so I will probably do an update to this post laster today or tomorrow).

This morning I had cafeteria duty at school. I can't stand for 25 minutes without my back throbbing so I pulled up a chair. I could feel the baby wiggling around since I had just had a breakfast sandwich and a small coffee but I didn't think much about it b/c she always moves after I eat. I happened to look down and her little foot poked out! Just for a second but it was the NEATEST thing! I coulnd't make-out toes or anything but she is getting so big! She's REAL! I mean, I knew she was real but it's just such an awesome thing to be able to see and feel her outside the womb. Hopefully daddy and sister get to feel her soon!

21

2011-10-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

I honestly can't tell a lot of difference between 13-21 weeks. But, I'm not gaining weight so maybe that's why :)

Miss. Anna

2011-10-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Every year (ok 5 of the 6 years I have worked at this school) we have gotten a staff tee shirt. This year, Bailey got one too. I guess there must have been extras becaue yesterday, there was on in my mailbox with a note that said "For Bailey". Recently, Bailey got a school desk from her papa who works for a different school dstrict who did a lot of downsizing over the summer. So, thus was born, Miss Anna:

I'm not sure where she came up with the name Anna but that is what she calls herself when she plays teacher, or librarian.

She was SO excited when I brought this shirt home to her. She said "Now, I can be a teacher like mommy." She loves to also play library and "cost" the books, haha.

And on a different note:
Last night we were at dinner out in PUBLIC and my child loudly asked:
"What's my other mom's name?"
"WHAT?" I said. "You don't have 2 moms! You have ONE mommy and ONE daddy, that is all!"
MY GOSH, what has my child seen or heard?

Also, from the picture it looks as though I don't actually let her play in the playroom. I do, really! I just try VERY hard to keep it tidy!

Excitement and anxiety

2011-10-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how excited we get to be pregnant, and have a baby only to realize ... "oh yeah, at some point I have to go through labor AND delivery in order to meet this little person!" I told my mom that I feel like anxiety over L & D is worse the 2nd time because I know what to expect. Of course I can't STILL feel the pain of childbirth but I know it was the most horrible thing I've EVER EVER EVER experienced! EVER! I just keep pep talking myself that it only lasts a few hours and it's worth it in the end. I am SO excited to have this baby! But ready to have the labor part over with, haha. Of course, not until it's time. I don't want time in the NICU!

20 week visit and big sister

2011-10-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

The doctor was very impressed yesterday that I have LOST 2 pounds! It probably had something to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink before my appointment. However, my last appointment it was only about 100 degrees outside and I wore a lot less clothes. Yesterday, I wore pants and long sleeves (yes, I think about how to dress before I go to the doctor, what shoes will slip off easily to get on the scale and so on, lol). Anyway, the baby's heartbeat was 140. She is SUCH a wiggler! She moves around a LOT more than her sister did. Also, my blood pressure was high. The nurse seemed concerned but the doctor didn't. It could have just been walking into the office. I know that sounds silly but my heart is going crazy lately and just taking a shower is almost nap-worthy and I'm not kidding. Zach thinks I'm sick all the time but honestly, I literally have NO energy. No matter what I do. I know some of it is stress and I may be suffering from a mild case of depression but I think it's all because of stress. So, we have another ultrasound on Thursday and I can't wait to see how much this baby weighs. She is such a huge little blessing and I can't wait to meet her (when it's time, of course) :)
And, because she is SO cute, here is a picture of big sister after she fell asleep last night. NOTHING makes me happier than a freshly bathed girl all snuggled up beside me.

Yes, even when it's 65 degrees in the house, my girl REFUSES to sleep in clothes. :)

Bailey Grace, you are always going to be mommy's princess!

Her name...

2011-10-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Her name means Woman of Magdala. Which refers to Mary Magdalan in the bible. The other meaning is Noble/Kind. We are keeping her name a secret... for now. :)

Oh, and it's NOT Madalyn. :)

Still working on a middle name. I still like Cate or Kate. Daddy thinks it needs 2 syllables... Daddy's are silly. And, this name we picked out is not FOR SURE because daddy just can't agree to it when there are still 18 weeks left (Ok, I'm being optimistic that I only have 18 weeks left) :)

1/2 way there!

2011-10-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

20W 1D

See my little helper to the side :) She said "Mama, what are you doing?"

Baby girl

2011-10-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

Baby girl has hardly been moving the last 2 days. I'm sure she is fine. I imagine she is growing and just sleeping a lot. Every time I really start to think something is wrong, she gives me a good kick or jab. I can already tell she is nothing like her sister. I feel a lot of emotions lately. I'm overwhelmed with joy to have this baby! At the same time, I'm overwhelmed with fear at our financial situation. Zach promises we will be fine. It's just not fair that we both have full time jobs and we can't keep up even when we aren't being frivolous. It's So frustrating. I keep telling myself not to worry because God is in control. We are so much better off than other people even in our own societies. God keeps reminding me that he will take care of us and our beautiful girls. Baby girl (who I REALLY want to name Adelynn Cate) has literally enough clothes to last a full 2 or more years! The good thing about having another winter baby is that she should be able to wear most of Bailey's stuff that hardly got worn (literally some of it still has tags). My fear is that I won't be able to enjoy her because I will be worried about how we are going to make the house payment. It just isn't fair!

19 W 1 D

2011-10-10T06:47:00.001-07:00

Didn't have a lot of time this morning so this is as good as it gets, lol.

The name game

2011-10-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

What are we going to name little 2.0? Bailey was SO easy! We had a couple lists going but honestly, Bailey Grace beat out everything fairly quickly and it was a no-brainer for us. Honestly, we spent more time discussing how to spell it then we did coming up with it. I really didn't want a weird spelling so we just went with Bailey. But, here we are again, almost 4 years later. We had a good little 5 name list for a boy. We were narrowing it and probably would have chosen: Hudson or Bennett. But, this girl thing, this is hard! Zach's in love with Addison. Or at least he was until he looked up on his name app that Addison is a very popular American name right now. I picked Adalyn. NOT Adaline. I really like Adalyn. I don't think Zach's sold on it. But, if this baby comes the same amount of early as her sister, we still have 19 weeks left, ha! Of course, I can already tell you that 2.0 has a mind of her own and is NOTHING like her sister! Bailey was the BEST infant I could have asked for (except she NEVER slept). She's not such an easy toddler/pre-schooler. She's VERY polite but she is also VERY high-maintenance! I love her! She's everything I ever wanted! I know sister will be too but I REALLY want to pick a name! We've talked about sticking with a B name or going with something that ends in "ey" but we are so far, having NO luck! Pray for us, lol.

IT'S A ...

2011-10-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

Please don't say anything on facebook yet :) Zach wants to tell our work friends in person tomorrow (not that I haven't texted a few, hehe). I am EXTATIC! Zach is not quite as excited as I am but he is still going to love his girl!

A new day

2011-10-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, today is a new day and I am feeling a lot better. Pregnancy is so crazy! It's such an experience. One day I feel on top of the world and the next I feel like I'm falling into a dark hole! I told one my teacher friends this morning that if I could just throw-up some hormones, I might feel better, lol! But today, I feel pretty good. The baby is very active and LOVES his/her sister! Bailey talks to my belly and the baby literally goes nuts. Last night I thought it was going to jump right out! I love those feelings. I don't think Bailey will love her brother/sister as much when it's first born but I know she will learn to love him/her. She is really excited about being a big sister. My in-laws paid for a 3D ultrasound and we are going tomorrow at 4 to have it done. I got a GREAT deal at http://www.livingsocialdeals.com/ AND if they can't determine gender, they will bring me back to try again for FREE. Also, Baby is measuring over-all and average of 2 days early. Not a lot but I KNEW my due date wasn't exactly right. That puts me closer to 19 weeks! I haven't taken a picture this week but I will soon. I am glad I'm taking these pictures. It's fun to see how much I've grown. Hopefully I can tell you tomorrow what the baby is!

Frustrated

2011-10-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Well, not that you haven't already read this on facebook but, we still don't know what the baby is. It was a horrible experience and the baby looks good and is doing well, we just don't know what it is. I literally cannot talk about it without crying HARD. Zach's mom is paying for a 3D ultrasound for us and I am grateful for that. I've basically been crying since our appointment. We have a lot of other things going on right now and I know that it's worse for me b/c I'm pregnant but I really could use some prayers!

On Birth and Cloth Diapers

2011-09-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, I hope not to offend anyone but I'm annoyed. I HONESTLY do not understand people who want to have their babies at home or are SO obsessed with having a natural delivery. It's really annoying. There are definitely things I have done as a mom that go against the medical profession for normal! For example, we did NOT have quad testing done on either of our babies. WHY would I? I guess if Zach or I had some disorder/disease that was harmful we might but I just don't find the extra worry necessary during pregnancy. We also opted not to give Bailey ALL of her imunizations. As teachers, we both work with autism every day. It's never been 100% proven that immunizations cause Autism but I also wanted to do whatever I could to limit the chances of my child getting it. This is also why I avoid ALL seafood (tuna included) when I am pregnant. But, people who preach about having babies with no medication are just nuts! If you don't HAVE to put your body through that then why do it? I feel the same way about those cloth diaper freaks! The ones who act like if you don't use cloth diapers then your baby will most certainly grow up with a never-ending butt rash. I'm not saying either is wrong (cloth diapers or natural childbirth) I just get annoyed with those people who act like it's the ONE and ONLY option.

Dr. Appointment (update)

2011-09-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

*UPDATE*: The hospital called this morning and scheduled my gender ultrasound for Monday afternoon. I am SERIOUSLSY excited!

I had another OB appointment yesterday at 3:30. This was re-scheduled from last Friday's appointment that was supposed to be at 2:50 because my doctor was delivering a baby. When I got there about 3:05 yesterday (yes, I'm anal about getting there early) they said "Oh, the doctor is over at the hospital doing a delivery, do you want to re-schedule or wait?" I said that since this was already a re-scheduled appointment I wanted to wait. I'm so glad I did! The nurse went ahead and called me back took my vitals and weight UGH! I was really scared but I've only gained 4 pounds and if you've seen my pictures I am huge! So, that is good! About 4:10 the doctor came back. Since they had cancelled all of her other appointments I was first in line! YAY! Of course it was just a normal check-up. But, Baby's heartbeat was 141. And I asked her lots of questions about some strange symptoms I'm having and she said her guess is that baby is a boy and everything I'm experiencing is normal. So that's good. We also put in the referral for my big gender ultrasound and the nurse said I can do it next week if the hospital has any openings. I CANNOT WAIT!!!! :)

Sister, puppy, and the 17 week bump

2011-09-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

This is a video of Bridget chasing Bailey. All you can hear is me talking and it's fuzzy from my not-so-awesome cell phone but still cute! :)

And this is the 17 W 2 D baby bump. I have an undershirt on today so you can see the bottom of it which is why it looks a little funny. (Oh, and I wanted to say that this is Bailey's mirror) :) That's why it's so dirty! She loves to look at herself, lol.

17 weeks

2011-09-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

No picture today.
I have been a little down because when the baby was still low in my pelvis I could almost always feel it moving around. Now that it's moved about half-way up my belly I haven't been able to feel it for a week. But this morning I have been able to feel it again and it's a WONDERFUL feeling. We listen to little Estes every day and it's so funny because sometimes it will kick and you can hear it on the heart monitor even though I can't always feel it. I also think it's very interesting (and maybe it's still coincidence) but I read that during this week the baby can start to hear voices and typically dad's first b/c it's deeper. Yesterday while we were listening to it, Zach was talking to him/her and it REALLY started going nuts. I couldn't feel it but you could really hear it kicking on the monitor. I don't know how to explain what it sounds like unless you've used a fetal heart monitor before b/c it obviously doesn't sound like someone kicking a door down, lol. It's more like a swooshing noise but it's very loud. I can't wait until daddy and big sister can feel the baby move. Bailey just LOVES that she is going to be a big sister and I am SO excited! I will take a picture in my skirt tomorrow and probably post some pics of sister too. I have a cute video of her playing with the new puppy and hopefully I can get it to load.

Want to know the sex of the baby?

2011-09-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

SO DO I! Tomorrow, I have my 16/17 week appointment. I hate my due date, lol. I don't know why I care so much but I just wish she would move it by just FOUR days. I'll be 17 weeks on Sunday. So, we should schedule my Ultrasound at tomorrow's appointment. We are all really anxious. When we found out we were having Bailey we both really wanted a boy. I just thought it would be fun to have a boy first becuase I have no brothers. I just thought a boy could be the older/protective brother. But, I honestly thought Bailey was a girl. I never wanted to admit it though. When we found out for sure she was a girl I could not have been happier. So, this time I still don't care. I did! At first I was scared that this baby might be a boy but now I really don't care. I really want to know though. We are all really anxious. So, what do you think? BABY BLUE or PRETTY PINK?

Something Special

2011-09-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was in the grocery store on Monday night and the FIRST person I saw was this adorable little Asian woman who was about 7 months pregnant. Of course, who am I to guess how far along someone is. I'm only 4 months and look about 10. Either way, in that moment, I realized that there is something special about seeing a pregnant mommy and not feeling sorry for yourself because it's not you. I felt so blessed in that moment to have this baby growing inside of me. Even if I want to throw up every day and I have no energy. I am still SO happy to have another baby and to give my daughter a sibling.

Then, my heart hurt thinking about my friends who haven't experienced this but want to so badly. Infertility is a sad reality for so many people and that makes me sad. I pray for my friends and hope their babies come soon.

16 weeks (1day)

2011-09-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

Compared to 13W 3 Day

I look a littler smaller than I did at 13 weeks. I think I must have been really swollen then.

cravings and doppler

2011-09-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have a huge addiction to tropical skittles right now! It's too bad we are almost out of money until pay day on Sept 26th. They sell them in the vending machine at school and I want them every day after lunch.

On another note: The fetal doppler arrived yesterday. It took quite a while and I had to move in different positions, but we finally found baby's heartbeat. The monitor won't measure how fast it is but at least we can hear it. This morning when I tried on my own it didn't take me long to find it. I think the denial is wearing off. I'm looking forward to finding out the sex of the baby. Can't wait to know what we're having! I think it's probably a boy but I thougth Bailey was a boy and was surprised when the nurse said girl. But, I was thrilled too. So, I hope if it is a boy, I will be excited. I'm still nervous about having a boy :)

Denial

2011-09-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

I am living in denial. About this baby, that is. I'm not fearful of losing it. I mean, I guess that's not completely true because I think to some extent all mothers have some fear of losing their baby. The feeling I have is more of a disbelief that in 5 1/2 months I am going to have 2 children. What if I love one of them more than the other? What if I push the older one away because she is too rough and I'm tired? What if I have severe post-pardum depression again? What if breastfeeding makes me feel violated like last time and I can't do it? Every time I have these thoughts I think about how most people do not just have one child. We (most of us) start with one and then have more. Before I was married I wanted a whole housefull of kids. I was ALWAYS babysitting and I just knew my life would never be complete without LOTS of kids. But, it's hard. It's very hard to be a mom. And, when Bailey was little and I was so depressed there were honestly days when I didn't think it was worth it. Of course, that was a passing thought but still, I just don't believe that I am about to have 2 children. However, I can feel the one inside me moving around so this must be a passing thought as well...

Loving too hard

2011-09-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

Poor Bridget doesn't stand much chance with Bailey. I had NO idea what it would be like to keep Bailey from loving her too hard! She carries her around by the neck sometimes. I have visions of my 2 week old being pulled from it's crib and drug down the stairs by my 4 year old! This is definitely a good teaching process for our girl. I have done LOTS of explaining that Bridget is a baby and she has to be careful with her. Yesterday Bridget fell off the ottomon. Bridget isn't big enough to get on the ottomon by herself so I wonder how she got up there?...
I think this is payback for when my mom had my sister and I put her on the couch at 2 weeks old and told my mom she crawled! And, I asked if we could flush my sister down the toilet when my mom and dad brought her hoe from the hospital!

Hopefully Bridget survives and so does my newborn in the hands of his/her sister!

Bridget

2011-09-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is our new puppy.

Her name is Bridget.

She is 8 weeks old.

She was not cheap but she is a full-blood Shih Tzu and we think she's pretty adorable!

Zach thought it would be funny to give her a name that started with a B since our other dog is Benjamin and of course, our princess is Bailey. Don't look for new baby to have a B name unless it's a boy. Then, it MIGHT be a possibility. But, we aren't the dug.gars. We do love our new little puppy though. She is very sweet and she loves her mommy. If Baby Estes is a girl, daddy is in BIG estrogen trouble!

Puppies

2011-09-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors have AKC registered Shih Tzu puppies. They are ADORABLE!

I think we may have to buy one!

On sleep

2011-09-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

SLEEPING CONFESSIONS:

* My husband and I don't sleep in the same bed.
* Bailey sleeps with me every night.
*Sleeping SUCKS right now! There is NOT a comfortable position. Woe the days of being 7, 8, 9 months pregnant!
*The baby WILL sleep in his/her own bed!
*Bailey won't nap anymore.

Any questions?

The Bump

2011-08-31T05:31:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with Bailey I NEVER took pictures of my belly (on purpose) unless it was a baby shower or someone was taking pictures at an event and I just happened to be in one. This is not actually 100% true. I did let Zach take THREE pictures of my growing belly in the same spot 3 months in a row but those pictures are SACRED, hidden, not shown to people. I had clothes on and everything I just hated the way they looked. But, this time is a little different. I know I started out weighing more this time but this time I am just SO thankful that this baby is ok and I realize that people who know me IRL (that means in real life, mom) :) already know what I look like anyway so I might as well show it off. So, without further ado, here it is in all it's glory! The (almost) 14 week belly.

I'm laughing at myself a little b/c I have been SO stressed that the baby is ok and I know when my sister sees this picture she's going to say: "WHY? No baby that's not growing is gonna make you look that pregnant!" I can hear her voice in my head! "Melody, you are crazy!" HAHA! Also, the husband claims that I only look this big b/c I always wear maternity clothes. Well, that's not true b/c this is just a regular tee shirt that I bought last spring. I'm proud of my little baby belly. Even though it's not very little!

Thankful

2011-08-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

Today I have been thinking about how thankful I am! We are POOR. I'm talking like literally Bailey has more money in her piggy bank than we have to our name! It's not always like this (I mean, it's always tight, just not this tight). This kind of tight happens this time of year after the summer when we've gone a few months without a paycheck. I am a CONSTANT worrier. I fret over things just like my dad. If there ever were a fretting contest, I would win! Hands down! But, last night as we were driving back from my in-laws and I noticed that the "door ajar" light came on in the car I had this instant panicking thought... What if Bailey's door flew open and she went flying out of the car? I know that's a bit crazy considering she was in her seatbelt but stranger things have happened. At that moment I realized how thankful I am to have a beautiful, healthy little girl! Money is not everything and if for some reason things got completely horrible for us, we have family who would be there! It's not like I'd be living under a bridge. And, now, I am also so thankful for my beautiful 2nd baby who I know is safe and growing inside me. There are just so many things that are more important than money. I do understand you can't survive without it. I mean, we have to eat. But, I can't worry about it all the time. I have 2 children to take care of. And for that, I couldn't be happier! And, here is a picture of my beautiful girl! Panties only, of course, haha.

Introducing...

2011-08-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

2.0 (or so that's what daddy says).

Baby is a little over 2 inches

I know ultrasound images look like aliens but on the right is it's face, eyes, mouth, nose. The left are little feet and this kid was going nuts this morning! Maybe that's why I couldn't stop throwing up!

Doctor says everything looks GREAT! I've only gained about 1.5 pounds (even though I look like I have gained 20). All of my labs came back great and she said that she expects baby to be born at term :)

New year and flutters

2011-08-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

School started yesterday, it's really not been bad so far. I mean, how bad can it be in 2 days, haha. Yesterday, I had a total of 175 students! The most I've ever had is 147 but each teacher was given a homeroom class this year so that adds to my class load. Luckily, homeroom is not a structured class. Basically the kids are supposed to read or do homework for 30 minutes. We are also on a new school schedule this year. We went from starting at 7:45 to starting at 8:55. This means that we don't go to lunch until ALMOST 1:00! You do know that I'm pregnant, right? 1:00 is a LONG time. So, I have to eat a morning snack and today, I had 2 snacks! I bought some fiber bars because I thought they might keep me full longer. I've also been "sneaking" powerade from the fountain in the cafeteria. My only real complaint is that my back is KILLING me. So there have been a few times I've pulled my chair to the front of my room and given instructions from there. I also have a nasty cold right now so that's not helping.

In other news, I go to my next U/S on Friday. I'm excited but mostly nervous. I pray CONSTANTLY for this baby and I'm pretty sure I've been feeling it flutter around. It's not often but does happen a lot if I drink Caffeine. I read online that some people feel this as early as 11 weeks and I am almost 13 weeks so I do think that's what it is. It makes me happy to be able to feel it because I feel like it's ok. After this ultrasound I am definitely going to have to come to terms with the fact that I am pregnant. Not that I'm not thrilled it's just that I've only ever known having ONE child. It seems impossible to wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to have TWO! I'm overjoyed and feel truly blessed to be having another baby. I will just be happy to not worry anymore! The sickness has all but subsided and the exhaustion seems to be gone as well. Sometimes I still have heartburn but other than that I feel pretty good.

blogging lately

2011-08-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

I don't blog much anymore. I kind of don't see the point now that I am on facebook all the time and all of Bailey's pictures are on there. But, lately I haven't blogged b/c the only thing to blog about is the new baby and I am SO fearful for NO reason that something is going to or already has happened to the baby. I'm afraid to even talk about it much. I SO want this baby! I know God blessed us with this baby and in my heart I really feel like I will be bringing home a baby near the end of February that is alive and healthy. I have just really started to stress often about the well-being of this baby and it makes me SO sad becuase I can't bond with it and I even try to avoid most things baby. That is so horrible. At 8 weeks, the baby looked AWESOME with a great heartbeat and measuring right on time. I have NO bleeding and no cramping and I even feel some fluttering sometimes. But, I'm only almost 12 weeks so I disregard that also. I feel so robbed of enjoying this pregnancy b/c I was told to terminate at only 7 weeks. I am getting HUGE and my regular clothes don't fit so I have NO reason to believe differently about the baby being fine. I have another ultrasound on the 26th and until then, I pray for peace.

Make room for baby

2011-08-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

So, I basically feel miserable most of the day. I'm SO glad I've been off for summer break during the first part of this pregnancy. But, we go back in less than 2 weeks and the husband has really been wanting to get the baby's room cleaned out before we go back. It was quite the task that involved cleaning out the guest room closet (which is nice and big) in order to put the things from our office that need to be kept into the guest room closet. Then, we had to move the office desk from the office (now nursery number 2) to the guest room. Everything fits nicely and little one finally has his/her own space. I'm SO glad we have this house. When Bailey was born, we lived in a 3 bedroom and our guest room/office was only big enough for a twin bed and computer desk. Our new house guest room has a queen bed, large TV, and now, the computer desk. Baby's room only has a crib and my grandma's old rocking chair. We noticed last night that the crib is broken :( So, we have to get a new one. Anyway, things are coming along and I just pray this baby is born healthy in about 28-29 weeks!

Can't keep a secret

2011-08-05T11:53:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, June 28th I found out FOR SURE that I was pregnant. A week earlier, I had taken a test that did turn up positive but I HONESTLY thought (and it really may have been) it was an evap line. But, on June 28th, I took a dollar tree test and it was positive almost immediately. It did look kind of funny so I told Zach I would just go get another one just to be sure. I went to the store and bought the GOOD ones. If I was pregnant I wanted to be sure, and at this point, my period was a week late so if I was pregnant it was going to show up and if not, it was time to start progesterone again to get it started.
It was about 7PM when I got back from the store (which is literally about 2 blocks from our house). I had JUST taken a test before I left for the store so I didn't think I would even have enough to take the test. (I don't know why I'm typing all of this except to just make sure I remember). Anyway, I decided to use a cup and dip it. I sat in shock as the first pink line showed up and then the other. VERY dark and very fast. I cried for a minute and then I walked out to the living room and showed my husband (who was ridiculously calm as I was pacing the house).

Then, you know about all the scary stuff that happened after, I started bleeding, doctor told us the pregnancy wasn't viable, ER told us baby had an elongated sac instead of round, and then last Friday we were FINALLY shown our beautiful baby with it's perfect little heartbeat. But... before all of this drama started we wanted to tell my parents.
My family lives in Arkansas and when I found out I was pregnant with Bailey, we told them over the phone. I REALLY didn't want to do that again. We knew they were coming on Friday night to watch a fireworks show with us so I vowed not to tell them until they got here. I am HORRIBLE at keeping secrets and this was HORRIBLY hard. In fact, I avoided talking to my mom almost all week! She later told me that she kept wondering why I hadn't called her. Bailey has been taking dance this summer and every Wednesday night we would call my mom to tell her about it. When they FINALLY arrived on Friday night I could hardly wait to tell them. I made Bailey a big sister tee shirt and took her upstairs. I don't know how he did it, but Zach told them to all come to the living room b/c Bailey wanted to jump out and scare them and that she was upstairs. So, after what felt like eternity (maybe 2 mintues) they came to the living room and Zach texted me to bring Bailey downstairs. She walked down in her shirt and the look on my mom and sister's faces were PRICELESS! They both started crying and so did I! It was one of the most special moments and I will definitely remember it forever!

Baby Estes

2011-08-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

*This post was created on Friday. I FINALLY figured out what was wrong with my blog and now I can finally blog again (AND comment)* :)

I have been trying AND trying to post a blog for several days with no luck. But, that post will just have to be trashed anyway because... After the 3 scariest, most stressful, terrifying weeks of my life... Our baby is JUST fine! We FINALLY got to see the OB today. I was supposed to go on Monday but she cancelled 20 minutes before the appointment and they couldn't get us back in until today. Little Estes had a heart rate of 183 and measured 9 weeks (Sunday). I am BEYOND grateful to be almost out of the first trimester and past all the scary stuff! Apparently I ovulated late and HONESTLY, we just got lucky conceiving this baby! I know that's not true either. I know this baby was given to us by God and I'm beyond thankful! I FINALLY can rest easy and stop stressing. The ultrasound pictures are not that great. My doctor doesn't have nearly as good a machine as my old doctor but we got to hear the little heart and I had many tears.

Moving along, slowly

2011-07-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

I say slowly because I am SO nauseated most of the time. I have another ultrasound on Monday and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm sure baby is fine considering how miserable I am most of the time. I feel very bad for my husband because I know he feels very neglected but I just have NO desire to do anything physical. I feel bad because last time I was pregnant was completely opposite. I think part of the issue is that I worry I will start bleeding again. It's been 3 days since I had any bleeding and for that, I am VERY thankful. I hope to have a REAL set due date on Monday but for now, I will go with what the ER told us on Saturday and that is that the baby is due March 3rd which makes me 8 weeks today. I honestly think I'm 9 weeks but Bailey was 11 days early so when you get to the end I don't really think it matters that much. As far as cravings go, ALL I want to eat is tomato based stuff. Salsa, Ravioli, spaghetti, enchiladas with red sauce, you get the idea. I also really like biscuits with butter and strawberry jelly. I get frustrated because I will feel like I'm STARVING and then I can only eat a very small amount. I guess that's good for not gaining too much weight, haha! I am also SO sluggish. Sometimes, getting off the couch is a chore! I HATE my house to be messy. I hate it so much that if Bailey plays in her playroom (which is a completely open room attached to our livingroom) and she makes a mess, she freaks out telling me to clean it. I didn't mean to turn her into that. She DOES play with her toys and she likes to do so but if she makes a mess she wants it cleaned up. So, it's really hard for me to let things go. I had dishes in my sink for 2 days because I had no energy to clean them up. And, Zach helps too but he's not nearly as anal as I am so I am learning that with 2 children I am just going to have to let some things go. I love all of you for your support and kind words. Thanks for always being there for me!

News

2011-07-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

And it's good!
I am very tired right now and don't have a lot of energy to type out a long blog. You all have been so nice and helpful through all of this so I wanted to give you an update. We traveled to Arkansas this weekend to visit my family. On Friday morning before we left I came down with HORRIBLE ear pain. I thought I would just deal with it but by Saturday night I was MISERABLE and Zach had to take me to the ER. My co-pay is the same at the ER and my insurance is pretty good so I didn't mind going. While we were there they did an ultrasound b/c I told them all about the doctor not finding a fetus or heartbeat, etc... The ultrasound showed that our little bean has a heartbeat of 155-157 bpm and appears to be fine. They did say that the yolk sac is oblong and not round and that could be concerning but doesn't mean it is definitely concerning. So I am just thanking God for his promises and that our baby is safe! Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers!

Dreaded news

2011-07-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my doctor called. I should have known something was going on when she called instead of the nurse. I told you all on Tuesday that at the ultrasound, the doctor couldn't find the baby. All she saw was a gestational sac. Well, yesterday she called with my 5th quant numbers and said they are still rising. Now they are at 37000. However, she said that b/c she couldn't see the fetal pole at the ultrasound and b/c my quant is not doubling every 48 hours, she does not think this is a viable pregnancy. I DO NOT believe that! Until this baby comes out of me, whether that is in 3 days, 2 weeks, or 7 months, I have to believe that God gave us this baby and I have to take care of it. Of course, I am concerned and sad. But, I also feel such a peace about this. I know that God has plans and I feel like this baby is really ok and going to be our little miracle. I just ask that you please pray. Pray for continued peace and pray for our little baby to grow! And, I really don't want ANY negative words spoken over this pregnancy so please don't comment if you just want to say you are sorry or that "maybe it's for the best" It is NEVER for the best to lose a baby. I appreciate all of your comments and prayers!

First U/S not so good

2011-07-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like I am 6 weeks 2 days AGAIN (or I was a week off on my calculations). Dr. B-W couldn't even see the baby. She did find a big cyst which she said is what is supposed to be releasing progesterone until the placenta takes over. She also saw a little "bubble" looking thing that she didn't call a sak but I'm assuming that's what it was. But she couldn't see anything that resembled a fetus or a heartbeat. She said this doesn't mean I'm not pregnant (and my preg. test came bac positive again). But she did want to do repeat blood work. So, I had ANOTHER HcG done today. Yes, that's 4 now! And she did another progesterone check. She said she would call back today if she had the results but I never heard anything so I will have to call in the morning. In my heart, I feel like this baby is ok and that I was just a week off. But my mind says something must be wrong for her not to even be able to see ANYTHING. My husband is very upset especially since we expected to see something and we've wanted this for a long time. But, I KNOW God put this baby inside of me and he will protect him/her. I just wish this pregnancy wasn't so hard already. I do definitely feel pregnant but so much can happen during a pregnancy and we couldn't get back into the doctor until July 29!!!! That's FOREVER away. :(

Happy

2011-07-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that baby Estes is doing fine. I had some bleeding last night and since I have low progesterone, I called the on-call doctor. She told me to go to the doctor this morning or to go to the ER last night. I really didn't want to go to the ER b/c I figured if something really were wrong they couldn't do anything anyway. So, I called my doctor this morning who ordered more blood work. It came back just fine. HcG is now at 10,502. They also moved my appointment to Tuesday. Hopefully I can share a picture with you then.

6 weeks 2 days

2011-07-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

Today I am six weeks and 2 days pregnant... I think. HA!
I have NO symptoms AT ALL! I guess I am hungry pretty often and pretty tired but other than that I feel NOTHING. I worry a little No, I worry A LOT! that something has happened to the baby. I know it's crazy to think that way when God has given us this little blessing. I just keep going back to the letter I received from my grandparents back in February when my grandpa said "by this time next year, you will have another baby." My first Beta at 5 weeks 1 day came back at 691. My 2nd beta at 5 weeks 3 days came back at 1800. So, my HcG is great. (or was a week ago). My progesterone was only 8.9 and needed to be 15. I cried and cried. They put me on a progesterone pill and I have felt great ever since I've been on it. I go to the doctor on July 20th and 8 weeks 1 day and I CANNOT wait for that day to get here! Please pray for a healthy baby! I don't know why I'm so nervous.

I have a secret

2011-07-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what it is?

Sexdar!

2011-06-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Bailey has sexdar. Or at least that's what Zach has determined. It doesn't matter when one of us even thinks about sex, she becomes SO needy! EVERY SINGLE TIME we try, she comes running into the room. She can be completely pre-occupied with something else and not even realize we left the room but it doesn't matter. Within a minute she will be RIGHT upstairs interrupting us. Now let me explain that we don't just go around our house having sex and leaving our child unattended! She is always perfectly safe in her room watching cartoons or playing with something. It's just funny that we NEVER had uninterrupted sex, EVER! Last night, Zach tried to kiss me and she hit him in he head with a book. I just wonder how we are ever going to get her a baby sister if she will never even let us sit next to each other on the couch without coming to sit RIGHT between us. Someday, she is probably going to be mortified to know this, lol.

In other news...

We went to the splash pad yesterday. It was SO SO SO fun, and FREE. I literally am a tomato today and it hurts so bad. Even the tops of my feet are sunburned but it was fun. We won't go back for a few days because we stayed for 2 hours and even with 2 applications of sunscreen, Bailey is a little pink today. But it was SO FUN! Here are some pictures (since I'm so bad about putting pictures anymore.

babies

2011-05-27T07:28:00.001-07:00

*I realize that I can't comment on any blogs and I've heard others say the same so this is just a little note to let you know that I've tried to comment and can't so I understand if you are having the same problem.*

I decided, yesterday (or maybe the day before, it's the last full week of school around here and my brain is shot) that those feeling I had before I got pregnant with Bailey, have come back. I love having her. I love being a mom, I love that we get to attend little kid birthday parties WITH our child and not alone, I love sending pictures of her to all my friends and family, I LOVE the things she says, the stories she tells, the things (even the kind of naughty) that she does! Honestly, I always knew my parents loved me. But, until I had her, I had no idea HOW MUCH my parents loved and still love me!

But, having just one baby just doesn't feel right. Knowing that my husband wants another baby and knowing that it's MY FAULT that we haven't, is just hard. We wanted 4! Now, I would be so happy if all I ever had were 2. Bailey begs for a sister and I know her little 3 year old self doesn't understand all that that means but I feel bad that I can't and haven't given her a sibling. Some days are harder than others. And now, reading about people having babies and being pregnant, it's hard again!

So, I have to have a plan. I know I can't control this situation fully but I have to do something. summer is coming. THANK GOD! School was REALLY hard this year. I swear, all I have to do is smell something that's bad for me and I gain weight! My doctor told me that too. She said b/c of the PCOS I only need like 800 calories per day. So, I've got to get some of this weight off! 35 pounds, if I could just lose 35 pounds, I think I could get pregnant easily. It's going to be so hard. But, I have to try.

Tis the season

2011-05-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

For tornadoes. This has been a crazy tornado season. I'm SO thankful that our family has been safe. But, for this family, their lives have forever been changed. Please keep them in your prayers!

http://www.newson6.com/story/14719106/search-continues-for-missing-piedmont-toddler

And totally changing the subject (I realize these 2 things have NOTHING to do with each other)
I went grocery shopping yesterday and when I opened the strawberries, this is what I found! MASSIVE STEROID STRAWBERRY!

May 16,

2011-05-20T06:16:00.001-07:00

2007, the day I found out I was going to be a mommy. I know I'm 4 days late on this post but things have been a little crazy since Bailey's surgery. But, I have been thinking about this post for a while. That day, May 16, 2007 was pretty normal. I was just about to finish my first year of teaching. I had been REALLY tired mid-morning each day and I even remember telling my mom about it and chalking it up to the fact that school was almost out and I had worked so hard that year. I remember, too, that for about 3 days before the 16th I had been stopping at a local convenient store for nachos and diet Mountain Dew. I NEVER drink Mountain Dew but I had planned this big summer diet plan so I just let myself have it knowing that in a few weeks I would be on my way to skinny. Again, I didn't think ANYTHING about the fact that I was having this SEVERE craving every day at the same time for nachos and mountain dew. We had tried for 17 months to have a baby. I had basically given up. But that evening, May 16, it was a Wednesday, I was watching a Kleenex commercial and started crying. We were going to head to church when the husband said "Something is up with you! Do you have any more pregnancy tests?" I said yes but I really didn't want to take it and I told him that. I told him I was tired of seeing ONE line. And, they are expensive so I didn't want to waste the one I had left. But he begged. Our best friend had given us a digital test that she had left-over from when she was pregnant. So, I agreed to take the test but I told Zach that I would NOT look at it. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, took the test, then opened the door and handed it to him. After I washed my hands I walked down the hallway to the living room and sat back on the couch. From where I was sitting, I could see all the way down the hallway. When I looked down the hall I saw Zach hovering over the test and he was WHITE! VISIBLY WHITE! He looked at me and said "It doesn't say not!" (you know, the digital tests say "pregnant" or "not pregnant"). I got VERY angry to the point of tears and said "THAT IS NOT FUNNY! DON'T LIE TO ME!" Then he showed me the test that said "Pregnant"! I was completely in shock. It still makes me tear up to think about it. But, in that moment, I had no emotion except a MAJOR knot in my stomach. I looked at him and we kissed each other and I said "Are we supposed to cry or something? I don't know what to say to you, or what to do right now." Then I had a horrible thought. The test, it was old. Our friend's baby was 9 months old which means the test had to be at least 18 months old. We had to get another test! There was NO way I was pregnant. That was the only month I hadn't charted or taken meds. At this point there is NO way we are going to church. We made a decision not to tell anyone right away. We had to go to the store to buy another test. Zach was literally running around like a chicken with his head cut off looking for a shirt to wear. By this point, I was starting to become that giddy nervous laughing crazy person. So, watching Zach look for a shirt was totally cracking me up. We went to the store which was literally right behind our neighborhood and came back home. I took 2 more Fir.st Re.sponse tests and both were positive. Ok, I'm pregnant! OMG! It was sinking in. Remember that decision not to tell anyone? Well, about 2 mintues after the next 2 tests came back positive, we drove STRAIGHT to Zach's moms house (a 30 minute drive). We had purchased LOTS of baby things before we ever got pregnant so we wrapped up the pregnancy test and an "I love grandma" bib and gave it to her. She was SO excited. It was such a special moment. My parents live an hour and a half away so we decided to call them. I had all 3 of them (my sister included) get on the phone and told them I had a funny story to tell them but I didn't want to say it 3 times. When they all got on the phone I said "I took 3 pregnancy tests and they are ALL positive!!!" Again, LOTS of excitement. Then, I called my other sister in Oklahoma City to tell her. Then, when we got home, we waited for church to get out and called our best friends. More excitement and crying. One of the things that was so hilarious is our friend who said "Oh, I'm so happy, you worked so hard for this." HAHAHA! Yea, we had a lot of sex to get to this point, is what I was thinking, lol.
It was BY FAR the best day of my life (until she came, of course).
We didn't want anyone at my work to know I was pregnant because ALL first year teachers are on a temporary contract until you are re-hired in the fall. As a first year teacher, they can get rid of you with NO explanation. So, technically even though they couldn't legally get rid of me for being pregnant they could just call it something else, budget, or whatever. But I was SO excited I just couldn't wait. The FIRST thing I did when I got to work was go STRAIGHT to another teacher's classroom and tell her. It was a few days before I told everyone else. The secretary assured me that she had already put in my re-hire information to the service center and I was safe. So, I told the principal and he was very happy for us as well.
I just KNEW my baby was going to be ok. I had NO fears of losing her to miscarriage or I don't think I would have been able to tell everyone. I just KNEW God had given us this baby to keep. I never want to forget that special day when my husband told me I was pregnant! Hopefully, next time, I will get to tell him :)

Much better day

2011-05-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

Bailey is SO much better today. Last night she started drinking and finally ate a real meal. Thanks to everyone who prayed for her. She is really on the mend now! I'm so relieved!

Recovery is not

2011-05-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

Bailey is miserable. We are now 3 days past surgery so I'm calling this day 4. The doctor says that things generally get really bad between days 5-7. I honestly can't imagine it getting worse. This morning, she was so weak she couldn't walk downstairs by herself and I had to carry her. She holds her saliva in her mouth and I Have to remind her to swallow. The first day was great, she drank, played, and acted semi-normal. Since then, things have progressively gotten worse. I'm praying that today is the worst day. I'm so scared of her being put back in the hospital. She's already lost 3 pounds. I know a lot of people don't read this, but if you do, PLEASE PLEASE pray! I feel like that's all I do is sit and pray for her to drink and take her medicine. I feel extremely guilty for doing this to her and I know in the end it is for the best. Just please pray that my little girl gets rehydrated and doesn't have to be hospitalized!

8 a.m.

2011-05-09T11:02:00.001-07:00

My baby girl is having surgery at 8 in the morning. We have to be at the hospital at 6:30. I am so worried about how she will do and what her recovery will be like. Please pray for all of us. Our biggest fear is her winding back up in the hospital b/c of dehydration. She's a tough little girl so I am hopeful she will be fine. I'm looking forward to her being able to hear again. I know she will enjoy not feeling like she is always under water I just feel very guilty that she is going to go in feeling fine and come out with a horribel sore throat. This Mama business is hard!

Things they say

2011-05-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

They... kids.

I got a phone call yesterday while I was at work. I couldn't talk long because my students were taking their state reading test. When I answered the phone this is what I heard:
"Mommy, bring me some waffles, I love you, bye!"
Uh, ok. I wasn't really sure what to think. So, on my way home I called the husband and asked if I still needed to bring waffles home. About the time the words came out of my mouth I heard "Daddy, mommy is bringing me some raspberry waffles when she comes home." So, at least I had my answer but, where do you get raspberry waffles? So, we convinced her that plain would be best and she ate 2 for dinner last night, haha!

This morning, I got a phone call from my M-i-l. She relayed this conversation that she and Bailey just had:

Mil: "Bailey, you need to put some shoes on so that Memaw can go to the pool store."
B: "Um, NO I am not putting shoes on, I am going to wear my ballerina shoes."
MIL: "That's fine but you need to go upstairs and get them."
B: "Memaw! I told you 4 times, I am NOT wearing shoes! I am wearing my ballerina slippers and I am NOT going upstairs to get them, YOU go get them, and SHUT UP!"
MIL: "Bailey, you will not talk to me like that. If you want your shoes, go get them."

Eventually, Bailey went upstairs to get her shoes. I'm sure the punishment she received for yelling and saying shut up was mild considering that my MIL couldn't even tell me the story without hysterically laughing. It is kind of funny to hear a 3 year old talk like that. It's my fault too! Zach and I constantly joke around and I always wind up saying "Shut-up" to him. I don't ever mean it the way that Bailey makes it sound. What am I gonna do with that girl!?

There is a give-away going on here

Testing, pictures, clomid

2011-05-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

My students are taking their end of year state tests today and tomorrow. Even though we still have another MONTH of school left, UGH! This gives me time to clean up my desk (which I haven't even started yet, ha). It also means I don't have a lot to do for the next couple days so I thought I could write a little blog.

I also thought that since I am not so good about it anymore, I would post a few pictures of my little girl! This is the moment she realized the Easter Bunny just left a present on the front porch.

These are my parents :)

Isn't it funny how the first month or so of your child's life you have like 1000 pictures and by the time they are 3 you only take about 100 pictures per year, lol. That's why I only have 2 pictures here. That's ALL I got from Easter. OOPS!

I finished my Clomid last night YAY! I'm being very positive about all of this. I'm SO glad I looked it up and asked some of you when I should take it. Mostly just one of you, but you know who you are ;). I realized that I was counting the first day of my cycle as the first day I actually had a major flow. So, in reality, I was starting my clomid more like day 8 instead of day 5. This times I started on day 3, counting day one as the FIRST day of spotting. The other thing I really liked about it is that my period was really short! Hopefully I gave my body enough time to prepare follicles this month. I just don't want to ovulate late because Bailey's surgery is on day 15 and Zach's moms surgery is on day 14 so that means we could run into a little issue. But, I'm trying not to worry about that.

Here's the other thing, I take a pre-natal vitamin every morning but for the past week I have this HORRIBLE taste in my mouth. I'm also really nauseated from the fish oil and metformin so the only things that taste good are spicy foods. I think I need some potassium so I might buy a few bananas after work.

I was up ALL night last night wondering how we are going to live on 700 dollars for the next 3 weeks. This means we have 700 dollars left over after the bills are paid to buy groceries/gas/entertainment, etc. But, I realized how silly I am being. Some people don't have a house, a job, a car, and some people HONESTLY do just scrape by. At least we have money left over after we get paid. It's sometimes not a lot but I think my biggest frustration is that we let our savings account go from 2000 to nothing! Well, not nothing. All said and done, probably about 500 will be in there for summer. Still, that's 500 more than we had last summer. I know where our money goes. ENTERTAINMENT! We spend WAY too much money on unnecessary things. So, if we didn't do that, we would still have tons of money. How funny is it that we will actually save money when I get pregnant because we won't go out all the time (I know how tired I will be).

Anyway, things are going to be ok. My blog is not supposed to be sad and complain(y) all the time :) I really am a happy person! Just a happy working mama, wanting another baby!

~MELODY

Side Effects and Ailments

2011-04-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started what I would like to refer to as "The Pill Binge." It's not dangerous, it's just a "cocktail"-if you will of things I am taking to communicate with my ovaries that they need to start working PROPERLY! Here's the run down:

1 pre-natal vitamin (Morning)
3 500mg metformin (morning, noon, night)
3 1200mg Omega fish Oil (morning, noon, night)
1 clomid (before bed)
I will start the Guaifenesin on day 7 of my cycle (Sunday)
I will take 3 a day with my met.

Obviously, the clomid will only be for 5 days.

I feel ok except for my stomach. Metformin makes my stomach upset but only for a few days. The major side-effect is from the Nizoral I'm on for 4 days. I have a rash called

Tinea Versicolor (Below picture is EXTREME, mine is not nearly this bad!)

It looks pretty nasty but mine ONLY shows up at the base of my neck and under my right breast (Weird, huh)? Like I said, mine isn't nearly this bad but it does look like little raised red splotches. Anyway, the Nizoral is AWFUL! I only have to take it for 4 days. I do this about twice a year because according to the dermatologist, a lot of people have this but it never actually goes away. The nizoral is really strong and it makes me itch like CRAZY! I asked the pharmacist if it will effect my clomid and she looked it up and said no. The first time this rash showed up, I went to the dermatologist and he gave me Nizoral. But, he said DO NOT TAKE THIS IF YOU ARE PREGNANT! I laughed because we had been trying for so long that I knew I wasn't pregnant. Good thing I waited though! Because, I was! So, I went 9 months of pregnancy with this ugly rash but I didn't care! So, anway, the pharmacist said the Nizoral has no effect on clomid or what it can do for me which is good because believe me, I would NOT take it if it did.

I also have severe scoliosis. So, I have chronic back pain. I try REALLY hard not to complain about it but sometimes I just can't help it. So I take prescription Naprosen (which I also can't take when I get pregnant) again, I'll deal with it. The scoliosis itself does not hurt. Bones don't have nerves. What hurts is where the bones are laying. My spine looks like a backwards S. The top curve is 35 degrees and the bottom is between 52-54. At 55 degrees they HAVE to do surgery. The reason they didn't want to do it when I was younger is because the doctor in Little Rock (who is supposed to be the best in the nation, and I loved him) said that your bones don't stop growing until you are 25. He also recommended I have all my babies before I have the surgery. Well, of course I thought that would have already happened by the time I was 29! Anyway, I will deal with it. Probably for the rest of my life. At this point, we can't afford the surgery and the doctor here in Tulsa is a total jerk!! I wrote about him here.

Anyway, hoping, hoping, hoping for 2 lines @ the end of May! :)

I caved

2011-04-27T06:31:00.001-07:00

I went ahead and called in my clomid. After talking with some friends, I have decided to take it days 3-7 instead of days 5-9. I also found where you can buy guaifenesin tablets. This is the ingredient in robitussin that is supposed to help cervical mucous. So, I will try this. Also, when I take the clomid on days 5-9 it makes me ovulate SO late. I've read more success stories on days 3-7. Except... I'm not really sure when I should count day 1. The doctors office says start with the first day of spotting but for me, that would make my cycles 10 days long. Anyway, I'll figure it out.

I'm very stressed out lately as well. Even though I'm a teacher, I still get paid through the summer. Basically, they take our 9 month pay and spread it out over the summer so that we don't feel destitute by the end of summer. But, my husband doesn't get paid in the summer because, even though he works for the school district, he is not a certified teacher. He is paid hourly. Therefore, we BOTH HAVE to teach summer school in order to get through the summer. I will admit that I really don't mind doing this because it's only 16 days and I make 20 dollars an hour which equals about 1800 dollars after taxes. Still, by the time mid July/August rolls around, we are out of money! The money that we make during summer school is NOT enough to get us comfortably through the summer. So, when we got our taxes this year, we put 2000 in our savings account. We totally planned on saving it for summer. Guess what? It's over half gone! We are expecting a small amount of money (about 500 dollars) in a few weeks for some work Zach did throughout the school year that will be paid as a stipend. But, basically, I have lost ALL hope of having any money left by the time summer comes! I know this is a little irrational and I also know where all of our money went last summer that kept us from having any. I also know that we did survive but not without missing a house payment and having to make arrangements to get it made up (which we are STILL doing). I have spent almost ALL of the past 6 years stressing about money and when I say something I get SO mad when people say 'Oh, I understand" when I KNOW they really don't. Have you ever honestly had to make the decision between gas in the car and taking your child to the doctor? I have! Or, donating a dollar to your work for a good cause or buying milk? I have done that too. Zach gets really mad at me and I hope he doesn't read this b/c he doesn't see things the same way I do. But, I am TOTALLY prepared to get a job in July if I have to!

Surgery and (in)Fertility

2011-04-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

The two topics in the title are not related to each other :)

I have avoided posting this due to my irrational fears. But, sometimes it helps me to get it out, so that is what I will do here.
I took Bailey to the ENT doctor on Wednesday. I fully expected him to tell me that she needed a tonsillectomy. My tonsils were HUGE from birth and finally had to be removed when I was 13 due to chronic strep throat. Zach also had ear/throat problems and had his removed as a kid. Bailey's tonsils have also always been huge! I'm talking, like no room in the throat huge, just like her mama.

The doctor said Bailey has moderate hearing loss especially in her left ear due to fluid behind her ear drum. I thought there were drops or something that they could give her to clear that up. Apparently not. She is going to have to have surgery. Not only does she have to have tubes but the doctor is going to remove her tonsils and her adenoids. I understand that this is a common procedure that occurs thousands of times per day. I had it done and survived and so did the husband. But, I have serious reservations about this. I know this is COMPLETELY irrational but I am worried. What if she doesn't wake up? What if something goes wrong and I lose my little girl? I know, I know this is crazy talk! But, she's my only baby! (not that having more means you would want to lose one or that it would hurt less). I'm so scared! I know she will be fine! I am just SO protective of her. I also don't want her to suffer after it's over and to be miserable. I just keep praying everything will be fine. It's May 10 and the closer it gets, the more apprehensive I get!

Also, I took a month (or two, I can't really remember) off of my clomid. I called today to get a refill since I started spotting again this morning. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do, taking medicine I mean. I am going back and forth. I have to believe that God will bless us and not the medicine! But, I truely know that if we have another baby it will be because God wanted us to and not because I took a pill. I just feel like it at least helps to regulate my cycle and with it, that is something I can control. I just don't know if I should or not. I'm so frustrated.

Another first and emotions

2011-04-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

Monday night while Bailey and I were hanging out on the front porch (remember, my child HATES to sleep so whatever I can do in the evening to tire her, I do it!) I heard a noise. It was the ICE CREAM TRUCK! HOW EXCITING! Ice cream is not really my thing (at least not usually) lately, I have been craving it. Anyway, I was SUPER excited becuase Bailey has never had ice cream from the truck before. So, I stood her close enough to the road that he could see her but safe enough that I could see her while I ran in the house to get some money. He drove up and I let her choose what she wanted. Chocolate fudge sicle! My girl loves chocolate. It was SO fun! Definitely an experience I want to remember. I didn't get any pictures because it happened so fast but I will always remember it.

Then, she tells Daddy to come outside because she wants to put on a show for him. When we asked what kind of show she says "It's for my baby sisters. They are in mommy's tummy." We both looked at each other like "yeah right." I tried to explain to her tha tthere are no babies in my tummy but she insisted the show must go on! So, she did a little dance routine and sang. It was, of course, the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

We go to bed Monday night and Bailey is still talking about her baby sisters. Then, DH says he is upset because we don't have another baby and he wanted lots of kids. And I say (Not so nicely) HOW DO YOU THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO GET PREGNANT WHEN WE NEVER DO ANYTHING AROUND THAT TIME AND WHEN I TELL YOU IT'S TIME YOU ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT????? Apparently, he thinks I don't know what I'm talking about because I DON'T get pregnant EVERY time we try. And yes, my cycles are messed up and I was on clomid for 4 months and I don't ALWAYS know when I'm ovulating but By-God sometimes I know! This, of course, is AFTER he tells me that he thinks I'm not pregnant b/c I'm to negative about it. And, here he is all upset that we don't have more kids and telling our 3 year old that he doesn't know if we ever will. UUUUUHHHHHH! Men! Anyway, I love him and we WILL be trying to have another baby (as we have been but not as "hard core" as I would like) and yeah, I realize that sounds completely dirty but that's not how I meant it.

On a MUCH happier note:

We had a professional photographer come to our school a few weeks ago and take a picture of all of the staff's kids. She also did individual shots and Bailey's are UH-DORABLE! (as usual). I just love my girl so much!

A post with pictures... First trip to the Theater!

2011-04-16T15:23:00.001-07:00

Today was Bailey's FIRST trip to the movie theater. Zach's dad and step-mom are visiting from Texas and wanted to take Bailey to see Rio. It was so much fun and I was SO excited. She did a great job! I wanted to get a picture with her too but she was sitting by daddy and memaw so I couldn't make that happen. It was still so much fun. :) Some of the pictures are dark because I couldn't get the flash to work.

I hate you CH.ASE B.ANK!

2011-04-15T07:08:00.000-07:00

I called Cha.se B.ank today (oh and by the way, I always wondered why people put spaces and dots between words, then I realized it's because if someone does a search for Ch.as.e ba.nk without the dots on goo.gle and I hadn't put the dots in, then my blog would be one of the search items and since I am NOT ch.ase ba.nk I really don't want to come up as a search for them) :) Anyway, I called them this morning because I made our house payment on the 8th. On the 11th it cleared our bank. Today, we got a notice from them saying that they have not received our mortgage payment. UGH! I also have the receipt from the branch where I went to pay it (and have been paying it this way for 5 months now). So, I call them and of course I get their HELLISH automated system. it takes 3 minutes to get to the end of the automated system. At which, they ask for my zip code. When I type it in THREE times it says it's not recognized. Funny they didn't have any problem recognizing my social! So, I finally look up a different phone number for them and have to pretend I am someone looking to buy a new home in order to avoid putting in all of my personal info. (Oh, and by the way, this is AFTER I have been hung up on by the automated system SIX times because they don't recognize my zip code). So, I finally get through to an English speaking person (which is a big deal) and she transfers me to customer service since you can't talk to customer service through the customer service number, go figure). The wait time is 9-15 minutes. YAY! I get to now stay on hold to wait to talk to someone about this issue. After 13 minutes someone (non-American) answers the phone. I have a very hard time understanding him and he tells me that our payment was received but they applied it to March b/c that payment was never received. Then I have to explain that is not true because in March we received the e-mail saying thank you for your payment and I even have that returned check from the bank to prove the payment was made. Then he says well, that's because your March payment took care of February when you didn't pay. SO, I go on to explain that I have statements from EACH month we have lived in our house showing that we have not missed a payment. he says, ok, let me put you on hold and I will see what is going on. Then... after 25 minutes, I get disconnected. He FREAKING HUNG UP ON ME! So, I called Husband who is home today and told him what happened. Hopefully we get this straightened out! It's so frustrating that we have done nothing wrong and now they send us a letter threatening to take my house. Seriously! As if you don't have other people who have missed months of payments and you are threatening to take my house over one missed payment which wasn't even missed! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! That is why I hate you CH.AS.E B.AN.K! Forever, you are on my hate list! FOREVER!

sick, shopping, sun

2011-04-11T11:28:00.001-07:00

As you know, Bailey has been sick. She finally finished round 2 of antibiotics yesterday. She is feeling much better today but in the evenings she is still very cranky and tired earlier than normal. It was a tiresome weekend even though it was fun. Friday afternoon I left work an hour early because Zach's mom called and said Bailey was really not feeling well and she wanted me. Normally, I wouldn't leave work early (it's hard when you are a teacher because someone has to cover your class) but since she was sick and we had an extra sub in the building I went home. She was exhausted by the time I got there so I put her down for a nap and about an hour in, my phone rang and that was the end of that. UGH! Saturday, I took her to Tar.get and bought her some new clothes. She looks SO cute in her new dresses. I also bought her some spray bottles which she thinks are for spraying everything from the television to the walls. So, they have now become outside toys! Sunday we got some sun. Zach's dad is in town and we had lunch at his grandma's house. It turned into a family reunion! Literally, I have never seen that many people at that house at one time! It was absolutely crazy! The house is small and they only have one bathroom so we wound up sitting outside for a couple hours. I'm a little pink today but I tan pretty well and I feel good getting a little color on this fat white skin! Last night Zach's dad and step-mom brought the Tangled movie over for Bailey and it was really cute. I definitely want to watch it again! We take princess back to the doctor on the 20th. Hopefully her ears are clear but if not, we'll be going to an ENT.

Tonsillectomy

2011-04-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

Bailey just got off of a 10 day antibiotic on Friday. Yes, Friday, April 1st. Today, I sent her with her Memaw back to the doctor (today was just one of those days I could not miss work). Luckily, I started calling right at 8 when they open. I got her an appointment for 9:30 with the doctor that I really like. She goes to a pediatric clinic and we just always let her see whomever is available. There is only one doctor there that I don't care much for and today she got to see the one the we both like. Anyway, she had been on antibiotics for an ear infection. Today, when she woke up she had a fever of almost 100 and was coughing a lot so I decided we better go back. Guess what? She has ANOTHER ear infection. This time, it's so bad they also gave her drops because they said she has got to be in pain. She's such a tough girl, she hasn't complained of her ears hurting at all. Anyway, she's now on a different antibiotic, robitussin, tylenol/motrin, and pain drops for her little ears. She has to go back on the 20th and if things do not improve, they are recommending a tonsillectomy!!!! :( Granted, Zach and I have both had one and I know it's common procedure but the thought of my little baby being put under anesthesia is heartbreaking to me! Not to mention a sore throat when it's over. So, I'm hoping and praying her ears clear up and the swelling in her tonsils go down. This is a hard time for mama and daddy too. We hate it so much when she is sick. :(

Update

2011-03-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

On life. Well, I'm not pregnant, AGAIN! Who is surprised? Well, me, actually. I prayed so hard, and thought for sure this would be it. But, no. I know there is a reason and the only reasons I can think of are scary and bad so I hope that is not the case. Other than that, nothing major has been going on. We had a GREAT weekend. We spent Friday evening with our good friends and their new baby. He is SO cute and I just don't know what we are going to do with a boy. (as if he's mine) but all of us have girls! I'm sure he will be spoiled rotten. On Saturday, my family drove in from Arkansas. It's really not that far, only about an hour and 20 minutes. We had dinner with them and that was fun. My dryer went out and OF COURSE, Bailey wet on our bed sheet AS SOON as I put it on the bed (She thinks it's "cute" to wet the bed now that she's met our friends new baby). Then, she woke up about an hour after she fell asleep and threw up ALL over the fresh sheet. So, when my dryer went out it was HORRID! Luckily, my inlaws have an extra one so they brought it over and I, again, had clean sheets. Bailey sometimes throws up in the middle of the night (I mean, I know all kids do but her's is somewhat frequent). We don't know why but after a few minutes she is fine and goes back to sleep. I do feel like I have so much to say but I'm having a blood sugar episode at the moment and my snack hasn't kicked in yet so everything feels jumbled in my head. Maybe I'll come back and finish this a little later. :)

Bailey Is

2011-03-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

3 years, 2 months, 2 weeks old! But she is so much more than that. I blog so much about wanting another baby and I do want one so badly, but I can't forget the beautiful little girl I already have.

Here are some things about Bailey:
~She makes me laugh EVERY single day! Whether she is making up a song or a story, or just talking to me, she makes me laugh!
~She tells me "I love you mommy" at least 3 times EVERY day. It's so random and I love it so much. She may not fully understand love but she understands that it is something special and that it means we take good care of her.
~Bailey is incredibly smart! She knows all of her shapes, colors, numbers, and some of her letters. She is SUPER great at finding games on daddy's android phone and she is becoming master of the leapster.
~She is SUPER high maintenance. Not so much with the way she looks but with EVERYTHING else. If she wants something, she WILL have it or everyone involved WILL hear about it. She is INCREDIBLY strong-willed!
~I know I am her mother, but Bailey is beautiful. STILL, when walking through the store, people will stop me to tell me how beautiful she is.
~She LOVES to dance! My Bailey will dance and dance and dance. She is obsessed with Angelina Ballerina and will not sit down for entire episodes because she is dancing (another thing that makes me laugh, how cute she is when she dances).
~Her favorite show is Little Bear. We have (as of right now) 31 episodes on our DVR. She watches little bear first thing in the morning and right before bed, at night. Also, at nap time.
~Speaking of nap time, Bailey has NEVER been on a schedule so some days we take naps, some days we don't.
~Bailey started sleeping through the night at 2 1/2. Literally, on July 6 (the day she turned 2 1/2) she slept through the night. I was terrified something was wrong with her b/c she didn't wake up the 3 times that she had been for what felt like ETERNITY!
~We just found out that she has a lazy eye that she will need surgery for. I was so sad when the doctor told me that. It's not bad at all right now. In fact, most people are like "WHAT?" When I tell them b/c they can't tell. We see her every day so sometimes we notice it and the eye doctor said eventually she will have to have surgery (probably when she starts school in a year and a half).
~I tell her ALL the time that she is my favorite. And I mean it! So, when we do have another baby, I will just have to tell them both, (in secret of course) :)
Those are just a few things about my little girl. I feel absolutely blessed beyond words to have her!

Death, Birth, Life

2011-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

This was my Tuesday.

We lost an angel from work last week. One of my co-workers, fellow teachers, died last Thursday. She was only 58. We knew her cancer was back and there wasn't much they could do. We knew she wasn't going to make it. I didn't think I would be so upset. She was honestly the sweetest, nicest, most caring person I have ever known. She loved everyone and would do anything for any of us. I attended her funeral on Tuesday morning. It was so sad.

After the funeral, I picked up a cake mix and decorations for Zach's birthday cake. Bailey helped me bake him a cake for his 31st birthday. As you can see, she would rather eat the batter.

Then, we drove to the hospital and waited the arrival of one of our best friends new baby boy. He was born around 8:30 PM with a full head of jet black hair and as cute as he can be!

The day was full of MANY emotions and by the time we got home, I just completely melted. I don't like getting upset in front of Zach so I just hid all of my sadness (after all, it was his birthday so I didn't want to put that on him for sure!) But, Wednesday morning, we got up and around and went back to the hospital to see the baby again. I was a complete mess. I cried the whole time I took a shower. I am SO happy to have a new baby in the "family". We are not biologically family but we are all so close that we consider ourselves family. At the same time, I am SO sad that God hasn't blessed us with another baby yet. I am sure there is a reason but I don't know what it is and honestly, I'm starting to feel like there isn't a good reason. I will love Baby Logan just as much as I love his sister and cousin I just wish I could have a baby too. Zach said that God's plans for us are not the same as others and I know that. But, this pain I feel on a daily basis because my body doesn't work like most other women, is horrible. I know that there is no way for him to understand but for the first time, I actually feel like he cares that I am sad and hurting and that makes a huge difference!

11 months

2011-03-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

Until my 30th birthday! It's so far away but SO close! I'm freaking out a little. Not a lot because, after all, I do still have 11 months! But, when Zach and I got married almost 6 years ago, we agreed that we didn't want to be having kids into our 30's. He'll be 31 on Tuesday. So, now, more than ever, I want another baby! Not just for that reason though. I just didn't think having babies would be this hard!

A lot

2011-03-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

To talk about. All of this will probably be out of order, but that's ok :)

First, on Saturday, I took Bailey to see my sister, Monica, play in a band contest. It was really fun to get to watch her. I even made this adorable tee shirt for Bailey to wear.

If you are friends with me on facebook, you probably already saw it. I'm quite proud of it since it's the first one I've ever made. Of course, Bailey looked adorable in it and OF COURSE, I didn't take her picture, lol. It took FOREVER to iron on all of those letters but it actually worked once I realized that the directions were WRONG and you had to do it opposite of what they tell you to do. UGH, so annoying!

Also, I've been reading a lot of blogs about baby loss lately. NOT on purpose but because on my blog roll I'll see prayer requests for things like that and it breaks my heart. I want another baby SO badly and reading these make me so thankful for the beautiful child I have already been blessed with. I honestly think that I love Bailey more every day.

Love is very hard for me. I don't know why. I can't just love everyone. I might really like you, but love doesn't just happen for me. It took me a long time to REALLY fall in love with my husband. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him for a long time. I feel the same way about Bailey, when she was born, I loved her. I wanted her. She was everything (and more) that I had prayed for. But, falling in love with her was hard. I have a hard time not viewing everything as a chore. My job, my marriage, parenting, even brushing my teeth is a chore (I do it, don't get me wrong, I just don't like to). Anyway, I have finally realized that these things are not chores. They are blessings. Thank GOD I have a job! When so many people don't. Thank God that I have to clean up more spilled bubbles off of the ottoman becuase without Bailey, I wouldn't be doing that. And, Thank God that Zach and I sometimes argue because I have him. I have someone to be with me for the rest of my life. It hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies but he loves me and I love him too.

Here's another funny thing about love. I want another baby, REALLY REALLY BADLY! I think about "her" all the time. This baby that we don't even have yet, I love her. Already, I dream about her, I have her named. I want her. She's not even here but I know she's coming and I love her. If I didn't have Bailey this would make no sense but because I've experienced the love of a parent, I already love my next child. You might think I'm crazy but I can't wait to hold her in my arms.

A Revelation

2011-02-20T17:57:00.000-08:00

From my 3 year old:

I was VERY upset with Bailey this morning because she wet on the floor THREE times. She's been potty trained for well over 2 months and I cannot figure out why she is doing this. I was upstairs putting towels and blankets away and I heard a noise. I turned around and looked over the balcony to see Bailey wetting on the floor downstairs. I marched right down and swatted her little fanny! I told her it is not nice to wet on the floor and I'm tired of her doing it. And in the sweetest voice, her exact words were, "Mommy, but if I apologize, then you won't be mad anymore and it will be ok."
Immediately I didn't know how to respond because I thought, this must be how God feels when we choose to sin and think "oh well, I can just ask forgiveness later." I know the difference is that God really does forgive us and doesn't remember our sins. And, even though Bailey apologized to me, I didn't forget that she wet on the floor THREE times today. But, it did make me think about the choices we make. I had to explain to her that even though she says she is sorry (which I appreciate, and I told her that) that does NOT make it ok to continue to do something that I've asked her not to do.

I just thought it was interesting to have such a revelation from such a little person.

Fibbing

2011-02-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

Bailey has been telling "fibs" lately. It's kind of funny but at the same time, we are trying to teach her that it's not nice to say things that aren't true when they are not nice. Sometimes, she makes up stories about herself being a princess and all the things that she did that day. That type of stuff is fine. I'm struggling with how to teach her the difference between pretending, and lying. Last night, she dramatically fell to the floor and said "Daddy kicked me down." Um, really? I was standing right there and he did not and would not EVER do that to her! She often tells us that memaw hit her or pushed her down. That's about as true as I am green! I mean, it's funny the stuff she makes up, but it's really bad if she ever said this and someone heard her and turned us in to DHS. Anyone who knows her IRL knows that she is OVERLY dramatic! But people who don't know her might think that she is telling the truth.

Last night she even said (which was not an example of lying but it's funny so I'm sharing ;)
"Daddy, I found this dress in my closet and it is purple, and I like purple but purple is not my color!" She said this hand on hip and all. I was CRACKING up! DRAMATIC! That's what I should have named her!

Make-over

2011-02-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

I had a blog make-over! Bailey has grown up so much since my previous pictures were taken. Plus, I wanted something new and I LOVE the new colors. I can't afford to pay someone to create my blog for me (plus not that many people read it so there's not much point) but I'm happy with how it turned out. The bottom picture in the header is from the other night when Bailey took my make-up and wiped it all over the bathroom. She's SUCH a stinker but I love her anyway. :)

6 a.m. sucks!

2011-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

That is my facebook status today. I am finally back at work after 13 days off! It's the middle of February and it's the first day we've been to work in February! The snow is finally melting and I'm hoping for NO MORE snow this season! As it is, we will be in school until June! YUCK!

On another note:

I wrote a letter to my grandpas new wife. Let me explain:
exactly 2 weeks after Bailey was born, my grandma passed away. I was crushed because she didn't ever get to meet my baby girl. When we were struggling to get pregnant and I was on clomid, metformin, and everything else I could think of to help in the process, I had a constant nagging feeling that I was not going about this the right way. In my heart I KNEW that God wanted me to trust him for a baby and I didn't need the medicine. But, with the diagnosis of PCOS and my constant lack of cycles, the fact that I couldn't lose weight, and since I hadn't gotten pregnant, I just didn't have the faith that God could give us a baby (or would) without the medicine. So, I did what I knew I needed to do. I called my grandparents and asked them to pray for us. I said "I know God wants to give us a baby and I know he wants it to happen without any medical interventions but I just have a hard time believing it can happen." They prayed, they prayed hard, EVERY day. A month later, we found out we were having a baby. So, obviously when my grandma passed, I was so sad that she didn't get to meet the miracle she prayed for.

Exactly one year after my grandma passed, my grandpa re-married. The woman he married had been a family friend for a long time and had also lost her husband years before. Reta is her name and she (as my dad says) is the closest person to Jesus that he knows. A couple weeks ago, I was in the bathroom preparing to take a shower and I asked God how I was going to get my next baby. I said "God, what if this medicine doesn't work? What if I don't get pregnant again? My grandma is gone, who will pray for us?" Then, instantly, in my heart, I KNEW God spoke to me. He said "Melody, I gave you a new grandma. Write her a letter and ask her to pray."

Last Monday, I received a letter back from my "new grandma." She was overjoyed that I had asked her to pray for us. She and my grandpa have been praying and in my heart, I KNOW baby number 2 will be with us soon!"

I don't know why God works the way he does but I am so thankful for his promises. I am so thankful for people like my grandpa and Reta who not only pray when they say they will, but they also mean it.

Friday, I was supposed to go back to the doctor for my follicle scan. But, I told Zach, I don't need to know. I don't need to know how many eggs are there. I don't need anything but to know that God is going to bless us again. Maybe this is too personal to share here but when I get pregnant it will be all to God's glory! It will be because of HIM and not because of anything else.

Record breaking

2011-02-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

Snowfall, that is. These pictures do no justice to the amount of snow that fell on us Tuesday. The first 2 pictures I took through the screen door (mostly because I can't get the screen door open). You can see the top of Bailey's big wheel trike sticking out of the snow. You can also see that the snow goes HALF WAY up our privacy fence. We have 4 ft drifts of snow in our backyard. The snowfall total for our city was 21 inches, NOT including drifts. This was quite the storm. So, we're on a mini-vacation from work. It kind of stinks b/c we are going to have to be in school until June now! Zach wants to try to get out and shovel the driveway today but honestly, we don't have anywhere we need to go. Bailey only wears pull-ups to bed and she's almost out. We have 4 left but if she doesn't wet during nap time I re-use the nap one for bed time (you gotta do what you gotta do). Luckily, I went to the grocery store on Sunday and got everything we needed.

I started my clomid again today. UGH! Something I totally didn't want to have to do. But, I really feel better about all of this. I know that God has a plan and it is not my plan. I don't know that I will get pregnant this cycle, but I do know that someday, we will add to our family. I hope all of you are staying warm!

And, back to....

2011-01-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

Clomid. I started this morning. I am ok. I was really sad and I cried. But, I am really ok now. It obviously wasn't time and I'm hoping another round and a lot more prayer will be all it takes. Right now, I am thankful SO much for my beautiful little girl. Although, at this very moment, I am looking at her, COVERED in yogurt and watching her wipe it all over her face because she thinks it's funny. And still, I love her so much! So, we'll see how this cycle goes...

to be continued...

11 DPO

2011-01-28T05:07:00.000-08:00

BFN again! Still trying to be hopeful. I bought a bunch of tests from Dollar.tree. I read that they are pretty good, but who knows?

No more need to FML (updated)

2011-01-26T05:06:00.000-08:00

The dealership finally called me about 10:30 and said it is just a battery. So, now both cars are running for a whopping $150.00 plus a tank of gas, AND our state tax return came today! YEAH!

Yes, I know what that means and that it's COMPLETELY inapropriate! But, you will soon see how appropriate it is!

Yesterday, Zach called me about 9 and said his car broke down on the side of the road. About a month ago, this happened to us. So, he waited for his mom to get there and we were able to get the car towed back to our house using his mom and dad's service. Kind of like AAA but not. I was freaking out because I thought for sure it was the fuel pump this time. My dad just changed the filter and it was an ALL day job. So, the only other reason for what the car was doing, was the pump. Labor and all that's between 600-1000 dollar fix. YIKES!

Then, about 2:30 I went out to my car (which we just bought last summer and it's fairly new) and the teacher parked in front of me was leaving and she said "Your car is making a weird noise like it's on." That's odd since I had the keys in my hand. But, the automatic lock/unlock wouldn't unlock the doors so I knew something was up.

Long story short, b/c I really don't need to explain to you what all the car was doing (none of you are mechanics, lol) I wound up having to call On-Star and having the NEW car towed to the dealership, where it sits this morning. I'm scared to see what it is. We have a warranty policy but you know how those places are, they cover what they feel like, when they feel like.

So, I should know by 10, how much this will cost.

Good news: Zach's car was out of gas. The gauge is messed up. We put gas in it and it started right up. THANK GOD and I mean that, seriously!

Updates to come...

8 DPO

2011-01-25T10:41:00.001-08:00

BFN. It's ok. I know it's too early. we shall see what happens.

The Big O

2011-01-17T15:07:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I'm pretty positive I ovulated today. Why is it that I'm ok with posting this on my blog for the world to see? Well, for 1, not very many people read this. And, the other reason, when you struggle with IF, not much is a secret. I like the blog world b/c I'm free to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel safe doing it here. (This explanation is mostly for my husband who will most likely read this and question why I am so comfortable expressing intimate details about my body and our TTC journey). It's helpful for me to share this stuff.

Anyway, back to those intimate details:

I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST cramps ever! I'm now on CD 19. I asked the doctor if it was normal to ovulate so late. She said people who have 35 day cycles always ovulate around day 21. But, I do not have a 35 day cycle. WHEN my cycle is "normal" it's 29 days. So, that means I ovulate about day 15. But, on clomid, you can ovulate late. So, I'm hoping today was really the day. I wanted to wake my husband up and say "Dude, I know it's 3 am, but I really think now would be a good time to try. But, I didn't. I don't think it would have made him too happy for me to wake him up. Plus, I don't think considering we had just done it 5 hours earlier, it would have made that much difference. Anyway, I'm nervous to tears and I don't know why. I guess I just REALLY want this. I almost feel like having a follicle scan makes things worse. When the doctor says "you have the best I've seen in a while and I'm on a streak right now with several patients newly pregnant," it gets my hopes up. I have positive feelings about this cycle. But, that means if it doesn't happen, I will be that much more upset. And, I feel like if I have ANY doubts about this cycle that God will say "well, you don't have enough faith, so too bad for you, this will not be your time." I know God doesn't work that way but as a human, that is how I feel. SO, please pray! Pray that this will be our month!

Day 14 scan

2011-01-13T05:04:00.000-08:00

I went to my follicle scan yesterday. The doctor was VERY pleased. She said I have the best eggs she's seen in a while. I was scared because when she first started looking, I didn't see ANYTHING. Then, she said "Wow, there they are." Yes, they. In normal people who have NO trouble getting pregnant, they ovulate one egg per cycle. Obviously, on fertility medicine there is a greater chance at multiples. She said it probably won't happen but I have 2 follicles "neck-and-neck" she said and they are both measuring at 17 or 16.5. The one behind them is measuring about 14.5. She said that smaller one probably won't ovulate but the other 2 most likely will. I know all the stats of people who had IVF, IUI, etc and had 8 eggs and no baby. But, it only takes one! I have been praying A LOT (especially since Bailey was awake from 4-5:45 and what else was I going to do but pray for my first baby to go back to sleep and pray for my new "babies" to attach. So, I am hopeful. I'm not asking for twins, I want another baby though and I told Zach that if we have twins, that is God's plan for us. Please pray with me that this will be it!

Happy Birthday, Bailey!

2011-01-11T07:22:00.001-08:00

Here are just a few pictures from Bailey's birthday party.

I'm not sure why the walls in my kitchen look lime, they are NOT! They are green, but not lime!

New bicycle from papa and memaw

My mom bought Bailey and each of her friends, a tu tu.

She also got this princess cape and as soon as she put it on she said "Hocus Pocus." It was so cute! The next day, she wore it to the grocery store. Yes, I'm serious!

My friend, Rebecca, and her husband, brought Bailey this light-up wand. It was definitely the bigt hit item (she got her bike before the party b/c papa couldn't come to the party).

We had to sing twice because she had 2 sets of candles. I have decided that I like cupcakes because they are so much easier. Zach bought me a "big-top" cupcake maker for Christmas so I used it for the big cupcake. I filled it with a strawberry filling and it tasted SO much better than it looked. I am NOT a cake decorator.

#3 candle.

Every year her birthday gets harder for me. I am so happy to have her and I love her so much! This year was probably the hardest just because we had 2 deaths in the family last week and it just made me realize how important our time on Earth is. I'm also sad because I haven't been able to have another child and I am starting to feel like it might not happen.

3 years ago...

2011-01-07T05:15:00.001-08:00

I am sorry I didn't post this yesterday. Yesterday, my sweet little girl turned 3. There is a picture I really wanted to post to go along with her birthday post but I think it's on our computer that Zach's mom now has. So, I'll have to get it and post it later. Her party is tomorrow so I will come up with a better birthday post then. Until then, Bailey, I love you SO much. I'm SO happy to be your mommy and even though I cried and cried because you are turing 3, I love how you grow and change. You are incredibly smart and beautiful!

Love, Mommy

(UPDATED) Coming up with a title is the hardest part

2011-01-04T08:26:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to add that Zach's grandma passed away this afternoon. Please pray for him and our family.
Thank you.

Every time I sit down to write a blog, I know what I want to say but I can never think of a good title. Anyway, that has nothing to do with today's blog.

I'm a little (ok a WAAAAAY WHOLE LOT) irritated about a situation that happened at work this week. A woman who used to be a teacher at our school (for a long time) retired last year because she is very ill. Over the break, her husband passed away very unexpectedly. when I got the phone call I was completely shocked and very upset for this woman. She is very sweet and I am so sorry that this happened to her, especially in her current health situation. Since she taught the same subject I teach, it was very apparent that the school would like as many of us as could, to go to the funeral. I was prepared to go but... On Christmas Eve, my husband's grandmother was put in the hospital. At first we didn't know the severity of how sick she was. As of right now, she is not doing well AT ALL and isn't expected to live through this week. So, yesterday was the day of the funeral for this woman from work's husband. I told the principal that I wasn't going to go because I would need at least 2 of my 3 bereavement days when Zach's grandmother passes away AND, I have already taken Thursday off because it is Bailey's birthday. So, in order to avoid any more days off work, I would just stay at school yesterday and not go to the funeral. Mind you, if I had said 'YES, I'm going to the funeral, the school was completely prepared to find someone to cover my last 2 classes so that I could go.

So, yesterday, I got a phone call from Zach's mom saying that she wanted to meet Hospice at the Hospital around 1 (same time as the funeral that I am now not attending). I told Zach's mom that I would see if I could leave work so that she could go to the hospital. Since Zach's mom is Baileys ONLY babysitter, if she can't watch Bailey then Zach or I have to stay home with her. I know this sounds like a bad situation but it is VERY rare for his mom to not be able to watch her and if Bailey is sick, I stay home with her anyway. So, I asked work if I could leave at 1 so that Zach's mom could go to the hospital and guess what they said "Sorry! We don't have anyone to cover your class."

SERIOUSLY! But if I had said 3 hours previously that I wanted to attend the funeral then it would have been fine and someone would have covered my class. So, instead, I was at work WITH MY PARA. I seriously think that if they would have found my situation to actualy be a situation there would have been someone to cover my class. It's very irritating because I feel like they get to decide what is an emergency and what is not and the whole time, I was trying to do the right thing by avoiding missing more work. Yes, I realize I'm probably a little more angry about this than I should be but I ALWAYS help out, ALWAYS do whatever I am asked and NEVER complain and then I get the shaft!

Anyway, I'm emotional. I start clomid again this afternoon (Should've started yesterday but the doctor's computers were down so they couldn't call in any prescriptions) yes, I know, that makes no sense to me either. A computer is NOT a phone! They could have called the pharmacy. But, I really like my OB so I'm not going to go switching doctors over this. Anyway, hoping for good baby vibes this time. Though, wouldn't it be neat to have a baby on 11/11/11? But that due date doesn't fit with my cycle anyway (yes, I looked). And, I'd have to wait another month to start trying.

Happier post coming soon about Bailey's 3rd birthday and some Christmas pictures.

~Melody

Clomid cycle 3

2010-12-31T10:50:00.000-08:00

I was hoping for this:

But instead we had another:

cycle.

I am really sad. I am a lot more sad than I thought I would be. Even though, I really didn't think I ovulated, I was hopeful. The ONLY good thing is that I started RIGHT on time. I mean, almost to the hour right on time. I don't remember the last time that happened. The other bad news is because today is a holiday, the doctor's office is closed. So, in order to get a clomid refill on time the pharmacy is going to have to get a hold of the doctor for me. And... since this is my 3rd failed cycle, I really wanted a higher dosage and I don't know if the doctor will do it or not.

I'm just sad :(
I know I said I wasn't ready, but the more I think about it, the more I do really want a baby. Bailey will be 3 in 6 days and I think that makes it harder.

How I really feel

2010-12-16T06:50:00.001-08:00

I've been struggling with this "issue" for some time. I've posted about this before so it's no secret that we have been trying to have another baby. I just finished my 2nd round of clomid and am now on day 15 with NO signs of ovulating. Not that it won't happen. I know that on clomid it sometimes delays ovulation for a few days. That's not what I'm worried about. I have 2 major fears at the moment.

1. What if I can't have another baby!? For the past 11 weeks, I have been eating better and I lost 25 pounds (actually, I lost 30 but the last 5 were just water because I was trying to win a contest and basically ate nothing for 3 days which was a very bad idea because that 5 pounds came back on in about 3 days). Anyway, for the ENTIRE 11 weeks I had NO cycle. I finally went back on provera to have a withdrawl bleed. Then, on day 5 of my cycle, I started the clomid. I honestly thought that I would FOR SURE be able to easily conceive after dropping so much weight (even though I still have about 50 to go)! And yet, NOTHING. What if something more is wrong and I can't have another baby?

2. I was talking to a friend yesterday and as I said this outloud it finally really hit home. Zach asked me the other night why I want another baby. I've been toying with this question myself. WHY? Why do I want another baby? The truth is, I WANT to WANT another baby. I feel like having another baby would be good for Bailey. She would have someone to play with, she would not be an only child. But honestly, she didn't start sleeping through the night until 5 months ago. I have literally lived the last (almost) 3 years with very little sleep. But I have SO much guilt over the fact that my baby is almost 3 and I haven't given her a sibling yet. I also struggle because I ALWAYS wanted a big family. When I was pregnant, I was already thinking about the children to follow her. But, after she was born, it was hard, REALLY hard, REALLY REALLY hard! I felt like a failure. I KNEW I would be the best mom that ever walked the planet. I had the best ideas, knew the best stuff, and I was going to be perfect. Everyone would want to take after me! But guess what? NOT TRUE! Even though I would die for that little girl, it is SO hard being a mom! So, now I feel very guilty and I pray so hard for another baby. Maybe the next baby will be easier and maybe he/she will help Bailey learn that it's good to share, I'm almost 29, so if I don't have another one soon, will I be able to have one later? This is so hard!

So, even though I would love to have another baby and I would love that baby and I would take good care of that baby, I don't know that I'm actually ready yet. But I feel like, what if God never lets me have another one because I'm not ready now?

description in blog comments

2010-12-01T06:23:00.001-08:00